I consumed caffeine this weekend for the first time in a few months and that may explain why my brain went into overdrive the last few nights. I ran a little race and rewarded myself with lots of Diet Coke. It served me well though because I was up with a sick little girl a lot last night and had some time to think.
Things have been a little…tense… between my husband and I. I’ve been short with him, easily irritated and annoyed. Last week I found myself wondering what was up with that.
When I thought about it, I realized that it came from something that I had asked him to take care of. It’s not a big thing but it is important. I’ve been waiting for a few months and this week I finally saw that the reason things have been tense. It’s because I am angry. It’s something we agreed we needed to do months ago and I got more and more ticked with each passing week it didn’t happen.
My husband is a take action guy. He gets things done. He does a lot to keep the house and car running. He helps with the kids and the cleaning. It’s not like he regularly shirks responsibilities. I’m sure there are plenty of things he’d like to see get done in my domain that frustrate the heck out of him too.
In reality this little task was not a big deal but I had let it become a sticking point for our relationship and family. We argued about it. I pouted over it.
Last night, God opened my eyes to the craziness of my attitude. We have been through a lot in our marriage. We have forgiven each other for lots and lots of things of way more consequence than this. But I was letting it rule our marriage.
I had a choice to rise above my feelings or to continue to go down the destructive path I was going. One of the many things we have learned in the past year and a half is that we need to clean the slate regularly and not let old stuff go unsolved and turn into resentment. So I apologized for being such a jerk about this little insignificant thing. I admitted I was causing me to be angry and distant.
He accepted my apology and we came to an agreement about how to rectify the situation, which was taken care of this morning.
Why would I want to let anything come in the way of my relationship with my husband? There are some things going on right now that are difficult for us. Instead of being there for him, encouraging him and inspiring him, I was distancing myself. Sometimes it is easier for me to deal with difficulty by myself but that is not how God wants it to be in marriage. Maybe that’s a lesson He had for me in getting married.
In all this inspire and rise above talk of the past few days, I almost missed the opportunity to do that for the most important person in my life. I’m glad that God gave me a wake-up call. Even if the matter had not been settled to my liking, I was ready to let it go and give it up. Because through Christ, I can rise above the pettiness, the daily struggles, the big disappointments. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, I can rise above.
And I’m not drinking caffeine today, so I don’t think there will be a part 4. You’re welcome.
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