tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-321014292024-03-07T03:06:57.027-06:00The Adventures of Mommy MissionaryIf You're a Mom, You're a MissionaryMommy Missionaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13181846130612614265noreply@blogger.comBlogger486125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32101429.post-56718038451982475092016-01-31T16:43:00.002-06:002021-03-18T22:10:26.131-05:00Choosing HomeI was a stay at home Mom for ten years. I am so glad I was able to do it. It was a joy to be able to be with them every minute of the day. I mean literally from 6 a.m. to 9 p.m. Changing diapers, picking up toys, doing laundry, drying tears filled my days. People would say to me how lucky I was to stay home. I agree, but also it was a huge sacrifice. We survived on one income. I feel like I rarely left the house. I used to be jealous of Mike when he went off to work! Even though people say it's a great thing, there is very little glory in choosing home. <br />
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When the kids are little it is obvious they need you. They need us to look up from our phones, computers, laundry, bill paying and be present. At that age, you are their whole world. <br />
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However, I usually was exhausted and felt unappreciated. So I looked for things to fill the void. It is much, much easier to choose other things. It can be easier to be
at work. Or at sports. Or at a PTA meeting or a Bible study. It's
nice to have people appreciate your efforts. It's great to not feel
like a maid. And a chef. And a peacemaker. And a chauffeur.<br />
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It's much more fun to go out with a friend. Or go shopping. Or
workout or take a class. There are a million things that can be more
fun that being home with my family.</div>
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It
is not a glamorous choice. People might wonder what is wrong with you.
A friend of mine opted out of participating in a women's bible study
this year so she could spend more time at home. There are people that
could not recognize the valor in the decision to choose home.</div>
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Now that I work part-time and all my kids are in school, things are different in some ways. But it is still a struggle to choose home. </div>
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I love being at home. But at the same time, being home is hard. It's messy. It's loud. It's stinky. Everyone wants food. And clean clothes. Everyone leaves their stuff laying around. So even though I long for home, home is not always an easy choice. It is not glamorous. No one really cares about the things I do to make home, well... Home.<br />
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Choosing home is creating an environment. I want our home to be a desirable place to be. It's nice if it's clean and there are meals. We are renting a house that has a really small kitchen right now. It makes cooking and eating our meals together difficult. But I'm still trying because it's important to me that we all sit around the table together and eat good food. I want to welcome people into our home. I want to be kind of organized so we can find things. In order to do that, I have to choose to spend time working at it. Laundry, cleaning, meal planning and grocery shopping. </div>
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If those things don't happen, I get really crabby. It doesn't contribute to the warm homey life I want to live. When I get too busy and let all those other things take up my time the house suffers. You can see it. The more I choose home, the more home is put together. And everyone is happier.</div>
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Choosing home is just plain being around. Don't let the lure of what's out there deter you from doing the most important work: being there. When they've had a rough day or a good day. When they're happy or sad. When they are lonely. When they are buried in homework and stressed. When they won the game or when they lost. Even the most independent kid or stand offish teenager still needs their mom. They may not admit it, but they do. </div>
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My kids seem to decide to pour their hearts out at the strangest times and I want to be there. After school. Late at night. In the car. You can't be part of their lives if you aren't there. </div>
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Sometimes it seems ridiculous because they don't seem to care. They are in their rooms. On their phones. And I wonder why I am even wasting my time. But then all of a sudden when I am folding laundry it happens. They open up or break down.</div>
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It's hard to find the balance. I don't want to be uninvolved in other areas, but my main priority right now has to be home. We've been parenting for 17 years. We have 10 more years with kids in the house. Grant is 1 1/2 years from graduating with Jenna and Abby following quickly behind. The older I get, the more I realize I must choose home. And I want to.</div>
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There is certainly rooms for dates, workouts, classes and volunteerism. I don't plan on becoming too big of a hermit, but home is my first priority. </div>
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Choosing home is courageous. It isn't easy. It might be messy and stinky. But it's still the most important place to be. </div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">All Content Copyright Mommy Missionary 2005-2009
Links from other websites welcomed. Excerpts may be used for non-commercial, not-for-profit purposes, provided the wording is not altered in any way.
For print and reprint information, contact me.</div>Mommy Missionaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13181846130612614265noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32101429.post-54505991903071631872015-07-13T01:37:00.001-05:002015-07-13T01:37:12.932-05:00Stages of Saturday Morning Grief for ParentsEveryone looks forward to weekends. We all need the slower schedule, the chance to relax and catch up on sleep. It's especially important for parents of young children that are exhausted and embattled from a long week! I can't even type that with a straight face.<br />
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It never fails. In the early morning hours you hear footsteps. A door opening. A toilet flushing. A cry or laugh. You roll over and open one eye to check the clock: and it's 5:15 a.m. For the love of all that is good and holy: why!??!<br />
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I can remember getting up with my kids before Netflix existed and PBS programming had started for the day. It was 8 hours until lunch and naptime. How would we make it? Plus, I had stayed up too late just for some peace and quiet. Is it so wrong to want to eat a snack without sharing and watch something besides Dora?<br />
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In difficult times like this, it's important to not let shock overtake you. Remember you are not alone. Others have walked this difficult path before you. Here is a framework to help you through.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTt28vONXmHXRRbecrJl4ciV2i8KGXAGZ07fYex40__oYai-muxDFAoKCB6gwyPUkiEWM4ngTDbEcqX-JVtHJ928TJA2-IItGlwH2rA9dlSMSuLgMlCAaQi5tS9P6Xz12CAQ4U/s1600/Stages+of+Greif.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="427" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTt28vONXmHXRRbecrJl4ciV2i8KGXAGZ07fYex40__oYai-muxDFAoKCB6gwyPUkiEWM4ngTDbEcqX-JVtHJ928TJA2-IItGlwH2rA9dlSMSuLgMlCAaQi5tS9P6Xz12CAQ4U/s640/Stages+of+Greif.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Soon, you will come out on the other side. It's a glorious new day when the kids sleep until you are annoyed that half the day is gone. There is light at the end of the tunnel.<br />
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<![endif]--><div class="blogger-post-footer">All Content Copyright Mommy Missionary 2005-2009
Links from other websites welcomed. Excerpts may be used for non-commercial, not-for-profit purposes, provided the wording is not altered in any way.
For print and reprint information, contact me.</div>Mommy Missionaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13181846130612614265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32101429.post-73617641758037283502015-04-03T09:27:00.003-05:002015-04-03T09:55:32.985-05:00Receipts and Legacies<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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At first glance, the receipt I keep in my wallet looks pretty random. It is faded now but it was for a scone at an airport one year ago today. It would be garbage in most cases but I cannot throw this one away. One year ago today, my sister and I were sitting at the airport trying to force down a scone before we got on an early morning flight to Colorado.<br />
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Mom was in hospice. Christy had just been there. I was not up to traveling after my surgery. But Dad said we should come. We arrived in Denver to a nasty spring snowstorm. We got to the house in time to spend two hours with Mom before she left this world and went to heaven.<br />
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I am not really sure why holding on to that airport receipt has become important to me. Normally I am not the kind of person that holds on to stuff for comfort. The receipt is a reminder of that day. A day everything changed for me and my family. Maybe holding on to it is a way to hold on to her. In situations that are out of my control, it feels good to have something to hold on to. Even though it doesn't make one shred of difference.<br />
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So as we have marked the milestones on this journey I keep wondering where do we go from here? I enjoy reliving the good memories I have with her. I miss her. But I think this milestone is pushing me in a different direction.<br />
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My mom was a people person. She loved people. She cared like no one else I have known. She was an encourager. She was devoted to her family, traveled the world with her husband, called her parents every night. She lived for her grandchildren. She fiercely loved her nieces and nephews, her siblings, her cousins, her friends. <br />
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Everyone remembers how she cared so deeply for the things going on in their life. When she was here, it didn't seem like that big of a deal. But now that she is gone I realize how amazing it was. <br />
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She loved. Her great love and care flowed from her love for Jesus. And if there is anything I want as I mark this milestone in my heart, I choose to live her legacy of love. I choose to fiercely love and serve my family, dote on my nieces and nephews, and take an interest in the lives of everyone I meet. That is what was extraordinary about her and I hope that I can live just a part of that. <br />
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I am not ready to throw my airport receipt away yet. But I cannot stay there. I choose to move forward and try to continue her legacy of love in my own life. I am so thankful to have had her example and love all my life. It's time to pass it on. #teampederson<br />
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<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">All Content Copyright Mommy Missionary 2005-2009
Links from other websites welcomed. Excerpts may be used for non-commercial, not-for-profit purposes, provided the wording is not altered in any way.
For print and reprint information, contact me.</div>Mommy Missionaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13181846130612614265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32101429.post-51517147619050524322015-03-17T00:10:00.001-05:002015-03-17T00:10:42.343-05:00The Back Door of Grief<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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When you find yourself sitting in a funeral home making arrangements, you really have no idea what is coming. It seems like things could not get any worse. <br />
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Most people that have dealt with grief have heard it all. They are in a better place. At least they are no longer suffering. Heaven Rejoices. Time heals. Everything happens for a reason. While there is some amount of truth to all those statements, they still really suck. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.<br />
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We have also heard the psychologists tell us what to expect. Shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and after which you magically move on to acceptance. It seems the world expects people to move through those in pretty short order. In other words, pull it together. It's been long enough. Time to move on.<br />
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After living with grief for almost a year, I learned a little secret. Grief has a back door. All those feelings and stages and sayings are what happens when you are dealing with the obvious event of your grief.<br />
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I was not expecting a draft to sneak up behind me from the back door. The back door is the reality of a world without your loved one. Your world will never be the same.<br />
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It makes life different: birthdays, holidays, weddings and kids activities feel empty now. Mundane things like phone calls or letters all of a sudden seem very important.<br />
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It seems to be a constant balancing act between trying to move on and not wanting to leave your loved one behind. Is it possible to not live in the past but still honor a memory?<br />
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Your go-to people that you have relied on most heavily in life have now also been thrown into a weird world of grief and pain. It can get complicated for a bunch of wounded people to try to console each other.<br />
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Everyone grieves differently. Everyone grieves at their own pace. No one moves through the stages of grief at the same time. Some might seem to move on too fast. Others seem to be stuck in the past. Some might not seem to care at all. <br />
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Grief changes people. It changes situations. It changes life. The reality of my circumstance now is almost as much of a shock as finding myself sitting in a funeral home. <br />
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The fallout from grief can feel almost as devastating as what caused the grief in the first place. Grief has a back door. I guess I should have known. <br />
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Grief can feel like so much is out of our control. The back door is real but I don't have to let it knock me down. There is grace for even the reality of the back door. Wounded people can comfort each other. Grief can make you tender. Life can be different without being unbearable. Memories can bring joy. <br />
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Grief and change can forge new depth in relationships. I value family and relationships out of love, not out of duty. It can spur the courage to make daring decisions. Grief will scream a reminder about what is really important in life.<br />
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It's messy. But the back door usually is. <br />
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<br /><br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">All Content Copyright Mommy Missionary 2005-2009
Links from other websites welcomed. Excerpts may be used for non-commercial, not-for-profit purposes, provided the wording is not altered in any way.
For print and reprint information, contact me.</div>Mommy Missionaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13181846130612614265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32101429.post-34398597271066086152015-03-03T23:41:00.000-06:002015-03-03T23:41:11.060-06:00525,600<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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One year ago today, I had a CT scan. It revealed a massive ovarian tumor.<br />
One year ago, my mom was at my house doing what she did best: laundry, cleaning and Grandma cuddling. We thought <i>she </i>was healthy. We wondered if <i>I</i> had cancer. <br />
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One year ago, started a chain of events that I could not have seen coming. I had no idea what the next 525,600 minutes would bring. <br />
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How do you measure a year? In sickness? In trial? In sorrow?<br />
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I could declare the last 12 months the worst year ever. I could be glad that I have a new set of minutes in front of me. I can hope they are better.<br />
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But the song from the musical Rent is right: you have to measure in
love. The only way to know if the good and painful, happy and
sad times in the last year mean anything is through relationships. If I can't frame my circumstances in the love of God, family and friends then life becomes just minutes on a clock.<br />
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It's easy for life to become a list of obligations and things we have to accomplish. I want to be sure that my next 525,600 minutes mean something. I don't want to look back and know I had a clean kitchen or a large bank account. I want to grow a real and genuine love for Christ. I want to know that I invested in people. That I have given myself to my husband and kids, more than just glancing up from my phone to half listen to what they are saying. I want to keep up with old friends and invest in new ones. I want to worship with other believers.<br />
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Because when you are laying in a hospital bed or sitting by a loved one's death bed, nothing matters more. <br />
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When you have 525,600 minutes of joy and sorrow behind and before you, it must be measured in love. Love has heightened the joy and softened the sorrow. It has brought peace and comfort in difficult times. <br />
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<span class="text 1Cor-13-3" id="en-NIV-28669"></span><br />
<span class="text 1Cor-13-3" id="en-NIV-28669">So no matter what comes in the next 525,600, I will choose love. </span><br />
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1 Corinthians 1:1-3<br />
<span class="text 1Cor-13-1" id="en-NIV-28667"><span class="chapternum"></span>If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.</span> <span class="text 1Cor-13-2" id="en-NIV-28668"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.</span> <span class="text 1Cor-13-3" id="en-NIV-28669">If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,but do not have love, I gain nothing.</span><br />
<span class="text 1Cor-13-3" id="en-NIV-28669"> </span> <br />
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<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">All Content Copyright Mommy Missionary 2005-2009
Links from other websites welcomed. Excerpts may be used for non-commercial, not-for-profit purposes, provided the wording is not altered in any way.
For print and reprint information, contact me.</div>Mommy Missionaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13181846130612614265noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32101429.post-89035834821988367962014-12-26T00:05:00.002-06:002014-12-26T00:05:21.941-06:00Christmas Circumstance<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJKuaS-Pk_NR5QX-BeD9411B87-7-Z3_7ryNB0UPTnlXkAOH7cHAlfUKTmnyFwhpJl_hVUuYRwc6hiWp6T5Q3JrfNBKQQmlOkT59riq-cL0qXubM4EnQS3QAudq7qr1x-Pn0vO/s1600/IMG_6362.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJKuaS-Pk_NR5QX-BeD9411B87-7-Z3_7ryNB0UPTnlXkAOH7cHAlfUKTmnyFwhpJl_hVUuYRwc6hiWp6T5Q3JrfNBKQQmlOkT59riq-cL0qXubM4EnQS3QAudq7qr1x-Pn0vO/s1600/IMG_6362.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a><br />
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Christmas is not ruled by Circumstance. <br />
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Its light is not dulled by materialism.<br />
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Its meaning is not diminished through political correctness.<br />
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Its story is not squelched through sadness.<br />
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Its joy is not dulled by suffering.<br />
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Its freedom is not changed by family togetherness.<br />
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Its peace is not preempted by dischord. <br />
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Its message is not measured by how many people are in the pews.<br />
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Its delight is not shattered through suffering.<br />
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Its sanctity is not deterred by strife.<br />
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Its merry is not missed through misery.<br />
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Its message is not changed by cancer.<br />
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Its celebration is not dulled by death.<br />
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Its wow is not wasted in weakness.<br />
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We want to hold on to Christmas being Merry because of good things in our lives. Happy things. Joyful things. But is the story of Christmas any less powerful for the cancer patient? Or the homeless man? Or the grieving?<br />
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Absolutely not. Christmas is not ruled by circumstance. <br />
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Christmas is about the cradle.<br />
Christmas is about the cross.<br />
Christmas is about Christ.<br />
Christmas is about God having a plan.<br />
Christmas is about God's plan to save us from the circumstances of this world. <br />
Death turns to life<br />
Sickness to health<br />
dischord to peace<br />
suffering and strife to joy<br />
and weakness to strength through the baby in the manger. <br />
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Christmas is not ruled by circumstance. Do not let circumstance rule your Christmas.<br />
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<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">All Content Copyright Mommy Missionary 2005-2009
Links from other websites welcomed. Excerpts may be used for non-commercial, not-for-profit purposes, provided the wording is not altered in any way.
For print and reprint information, contact me.</div>Mommy Missionaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13181846130612614265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32101429.post-75363028709838225522014-12-03T11:47:00.003-06:002014-12-03T11:47:45.780-06:00Change Changed MeChange is hard. Much of my time and energy is spent trying to maintain the status quo. Even if the status quo is less than ideal, or downright miserable, it seems better than the unknown. <br />
<br />
There is change we choose; getting married, leaving a job, or moving. Then there is change that happens to us; health issues, money problems, losing a loved one or losing a job.<br />
<br />
2014 has been a year of dramatic change for me. Some we chose and some we did not chose. I did not choose to lose my mom to cancer, or have a big tumor removed. I did choose to move and leave a lot of things that have been a steady comfort to me.<br />
<br />
Whether we choose change or change chooses up, there is grief and hardship in change. I think, especially as a woman, I interpret change as negative and it causes stress. And in those times, like this year for me, when wave after wave of change continually sweeps through your life, it is easy to become numb. Or paralyzed by fear. <br />
<br />
The thing I think I don't like about change is the unknown. There is fear in not knowing what will come? Where will we live? Will we make new connections? How will we go on without mom? What is it's cancer? How will I pay my medical bills? Those are the kind of questions we all face when the waves of change come rolling in.<br />
<br />
Fear is definitely a factor in my desire to resist change, but I think the biggest thing is Control. I want to be in control of what is going on in my life. But I can't control everything. Nor should I. Control and fear do not make things better but actually make me a prisoner. Only trusting God for the future and embracing what is to come brings freedom.<br />
<br />
The thing about change as I look back at this year, is that change has changed me. Could God be using all this change to make me trust Him more?<br />
<br />
It is hard to fear things when I have seen some of my biggest fears. <br />
<br />
<br />
I sat by a bed when my mom died. And God was there.<br />
<br />
I went to the funeral. And God was there.<br />
<br />
We left a ministry we thought we would stay with forever. We did not have a plan for the future. And God is here.<br />
<br />
We left a community we loved. We had friends, connections and felt secure. And God is here.<br />
<br />
I had a tumor and surgery. I recovered. It was not cancer. But what if it was? What do I have to fear? God is here.<br />
<br />
The change produced in me through change is surrender. I surrender my desire for control and security. I hold things loosely. Change has taken away much fear. What do I have to fear? I trust Christ. He has been there. He will be there. Whatever comes. <br />
<br />
Ten years ago we were on our way to my sister-in-laws for Thanksgiving.
We had our three little kids in the van and I was pregnant with Annie. We got off the interstate and
were driving through the unknown. I had never been there. And I was
afraid. I realized that over every hill was excitement and adventure
for Mike but for me it was fear. What is over the next hill? <br />
<br />
On this year's Thanksgiving road trip when we went over the hills, I couldn't help but think <i>God is over the next hill</i>. Whatever comes, God is already there.<br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">All Content Copyright Mommy Missionary 2005-2009
Links from other websites welcomed. Excerpts may be used for non-commercial, not-for-profit purposes, provided the wording is not altered in any way.
For print and reprint information, contact me.</div>Mommy Missionaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13181846130612614265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32101429.post-90394968446927199622014-06-28T12:31:00.001-05:002014-06-28T12:31:58.474-05:00Livin' Large at the LaundromatIn the midst of moving, our dryer quit. Trust me, there is a blessing in that. It is one less thing we have to move. Plus, I was not even worried because I have a huge clothes line. But the weather is not cooperating so there was no avoiding the horrible inevitable: The Laundromat.<br />
<br />
Packing up all the dirty clothes for a family of 7 and heading to wash them with 3 kids in tow is no one's idea of a fun day. I was kind of crabby and dreading it. The younger girls were ecstatic. Abby feels like a hobo. As I was getting Maytag tokens I assured her, a hobo could never afford to do laundry here! <br />
<br />I am a slow learner. I have had to have this shown to me more times than I care to admit. Life is full of ups and downs, twists and turns. Some major, some minor. Sometimes the minor ones feel even worse than that major ones. I flew through handling a major surgery but the laundromat will send me into a tizzy.<br />
<br />
In times of change and times of routine; in good times and bad times; happy time and sad times; good weather and bad weather; if there's extra money or not I trust Christ to do his work in my life. It seems like it is often in these little things that I see Him. <br />
<br />
I can choose to be thankful for time with the girls, find joy in their excitement, solace in a snicker bar from the vending machine, thrill in putting five load of laundry in at one time (I wonder how much these machines are?! I want one!) and we can all enjoy the wifi!<br />
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<br />
<br />
I can choose to be thankful for a laundromat and clothes to wash. I can choose to accept what comes day by day with joy and make it an adventure instead of a chore.<br />
<br />
Adventure looms every day in big ways and small. I am going to talk about God's will in my next post. Today has me thinking, maybe I don't know God's will for my future. I may not know what job to get or where we should live or how to cure world hunger. But I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my family needs clean clothes today and I have some time with my girls. Plus they LOVE doing laundry here!<br />
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I can give them the gift of a happy mom that is in it for the fun and adventure with them. <div class="blogger-post-footer">All Content Copyright Mommy Missionary 2005-2009
Links from other websites welcomed. Excerpts may be used for non-commercial, not-for-profit purposes, provided the wording is not altered in any way.
For print and reprint information, contact me.</div>Mommy Missionaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13181846130612614265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32101429.post-44735020795039156692014-06-27T12:16:00.002-05:002014-06-27T12:16:15.087-05:00PendulumI know all the holding loosely stuff I wrote about before is true. I know that we are following where God is leading us. But most of my days these last few weeks have been spent swinging back and forth like a pendulum.<br />
<br />
From the freeing feeling of submitting to God's leading,<br />
to the heart pounding, soul crushing fear of what on earth have we done!?<br />
<br />
From being confident of God's promises,<br />
to trying to hold on to my own selfish security.<br />
<br />
From the excitement of embarking on an adventure of faith,<br />
to the sadness of leaving the people we love, especially now that our last Sunday is coming.<br />
<br />
It's back and forth and up and down, which I should be used to from raising teenagers! I get so frustrated when I have those lack of faith moments where I want to hold on to the things I can see instead of the things God promises.<br />
<br />
The thing about the pendulum is that it is based on feelings and emotions. All the emotions are good. If we weren't sad to leave here, there would be something wrong. If we weren't afraid of the uncertainty, that would be weird.<br />
<br />
It makes me realize how much, even in my Christian life, I do not let my heart and life rest on the promises of God. Feelings, emotions and situations change, but God does not. His word is true and constant.<br />
<br />
I keep rereading these verses. It is so obvious to me that I have not allowed myself to fully trust God's promises.<br />
<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #990000;">"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."</span><br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="color: #990000;">Joshua 1:9</span></div>
<br />
<span style="color: #990000;">"Therefore I tell you, do no worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"</span><br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="color: #990000;">Matthew 5:25-26</span></div>
</blockquote>
<br />
I know it's true, but it is good to live it. It's good when you wake up and all you can do is say Ok God what's next? I will go where you lead and do what you want even if I have no idea what that is. <br />
<br />
Since we made our first leap, we have had some bumps in the road and some amazing provisions of grace. In the bumps, it is easy to second guess and doubt. In the grace, it is easy to say yep we've got this faith thing and be proud. So I guess we need a combination of both. <br />
<br />
No matter how much the pendulum swings. No matter how many times my feelings change. No matter how sad I am about leaving. No matter how worried I might be about the future. The words and promises of God never change. That is what I need to hold on to. That is what we all need to hold on to in times of change or normal routine. Everything else, for good or for bad, is secondary to loving and serving Him. <br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">All Content Copyright Mommy Missionary 2005-2009
Links from other websites welcomed. Excerpts may be used for non-commercial, not-for-profit purposes, provided the wording is not altered in any way.
For print and reprint information, contact me.</div>Mommy Missionaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13181846130612614265noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32101429.post-18093193690806675762014-06-18T00:07:00.000-05:002014-06-18T00:07:18.805-05:00Holding Loosely
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<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I was happy. I liked my life. We were comfortable. I love my family, my church, my friends and my job. I
know everyone in town. Life is good.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I was happy and I was clinging on to my
comfy little corner of the world. All the while God was trying to
get my attention.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I found myself holding on to my comfort
and living a faith that was in my control. The thing is that most of
life is not in our control.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
In March my Mom's cancer returned. She
had surgery and was given 6-12 months. She lived two weeks.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I had surgery to remove a large ovarian
tumor. Two weeks into my recovery, I was on a plane to Colorado to
see my mom.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
In those times, you can't really second
guess what is going on. Life, death, sickness are things we cannot
control. So as much as we may hate it, we have to accept the change
and look for the new thing God is doing.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
In decisions like we have made about
moving, it feels harder in some ways. The stakes are not as high as
life or death, but we have a choice. We could stay or we could go.
That's a harder one for me to swallow in some ways.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
And there is no doubt that either way,
change is hard. Living life relying fully on Christ is scary. For
someone that has been in ministry for 15 years, it seems like a no
brainer that I would trust Christ without abandon. If only it were
that easy.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
As change has made itself known in my
life through choice and circumstance, God has shown me that I need to
let go of the things that feel secure.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I distantly remembered hearing a quote
about holding things loosely. A friend reminded me it was Corrie Ten
Boom. I found several variations of this quote in my quick google
search. This is from a Charles Swindoll book, Living Above the Level
of Mediocrity.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“Chuck, I've learned that we must
hold everything loosely, because when I grip it tightly, it hurts
when the Father pries my fingers loose and takes it from me!”</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
So as we begin this new adventure of
faith, I am trying to hold all things loosely except Christ. As I
let go of things and step toward an uncertain future, I find myself
holding on to Christ all the more. Holding on to Him the way I
should. Like my life depends on it.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
And how uncertain is my future? I
guess we don't know what job we will have or how much money we will
make or what school the kids will go to, but I know my future is
secure.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“So we fix our eyes not on what is
seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen in temporary, but what
is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:18</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">All Content Copyright Mommy Missionary 2005-2009
Links from other websites welcomed. Excerpts may be used for non-commercial, not-for-profit purposes, provided the wording is not altered in any way.
For print and reprint information, contact me.</div>Mommy Missionaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13181846130612614265noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32101429.post-65394335976547080352014-04-29T21:28:00.003-05:002014-04-29T21:28:59.771-05:00Six WeeksSix weeks ago today I was a hurting unit. In more ways than one.<br />
<br />
At the beginning of March I noticed a lump in my stomach. I didn't really think too much of it but made an appointment to see my doctor. A week later, she took one lookand ordered a CT scan. <br />
<br />
Waiting for the results of those tests are never too fun. I knew by the look on her face and the speed they got me in that it was going to be impactful news. <br />
<br />
There are words you don't want to hear from your doctor. Especially when your Mom had Ovarian Cancer in the last year. Those are the words I did hear: Ovarian Mass and cancer. They have no way of knowing if it in cancer or not until they actually get in there. So we waited. The mass ruptured. I made it through the weekend until my doctor returned from a trip.<br />
<br />
I told the doctor I wasn't worried. My mom had Ovarian Cancer and finished Chemo and was doing great! It's good to know it isn't a death sentence.<br />
<br />
I didn't know it yet, but my mom was feeling sick again that week. She was planning to come up and help at my house while I recovered but she changed her plans at the last minute and went back to Colorado to see her doctor.<br />
<br />
Her cancer was back. She had surgery the day before me. I tried to keep busy that day. I worked even though I didn't feel like it. My dad called and said the news was not good. The cancer was spreading and the doctor said she probably only had 6-12 months. We were devastated. I had a cold rush through my body and some angry thoughts towards God.<br />
<br />
The next day, I told the doctor to take everything out she could. I didn't want ovaries anymore. Menopause is my 30's sounded pretty good compared to cancer. She obliged. My surgery went fine. It was a borderline tumor that seemed to be contained to the one ovary. The fluid from the rupture ups the risk a little but the outcome is good. No further treatment needed and follow ups every six months. <br />
<br />
I felt guiltily relieved. As sad as I was about my mom, I was so happy for myself. I want to live. I want to be there for my family. That's probably what scared me most about the prospect of cancer. <br />
<br />
It's hard to feel that way when my mom isn't getting the same opportunity.<br />
<br />
I was pretty miserable for 2 weeks. I did some puking and had an extended hospital stay. The drugs were not my friends. I couldn't eat. It was a crummy way to lose a lot of weight. When I got home, I stayed in bed. <br />
<br />
I knew I needed to head to Colorado but wasn't up to it. <br />
<br />
We felt like 6-12 months was such a short amount of time. They hoped to try chemo and return to Minnesota but she kept getting weaker. Finally the doctor said, the cancer is taking over and it's time for hospice.<br />
<br />
My sister and I jumped on a plane and got there 4 hours before she died. I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay in the safe cocoon of my house and watch Netflix, where I could pretend none of this was happening.<br />
<br />
The rest of my recovery was spent at funeral homes, funerals, car trips and family. <br />
<br />
I went back to work this week because it's been 6 weeks. That's how long they say it takes to recover. <br />
<br />
The incision from my surgery is healing, but it's still tender. Soon it will just be a scar. <br />
<br />
It's been a month since my Mom went to heaven. I don't think I feel the full force of that yet. The scars from that will never heal. <br />
<br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">All Content Copyright Mommy Missionary 2005-2009
Links from other websites welcomed. Excerpts may be used for non-commercial, not-for-profit purposes, provided the wording is not altered in any way.
For print and reprint information, contact me.</div>Mommy Missionaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13181846130612614265noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32101429.post-52215619824276421112012-11-23T22:26:00.001-06:002012-11-23T22:26:38.752-06:00Sixteen<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1aP4_jskY4Cjp3d_vOqnEPEzxl7yj-qbYmJy2XJ0Xq0TKENxVePL65xNqOTDOzpArmdcdaV92TNw144OHP6LXLNNTHokK3-1coZxpmydbrBr_VE1dPz_lE2TMLMV1w08hSbuy/s1600/001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1aP4_jskY4Cjp3d_vOqnEPEzxl7yj-qbYmJy2XJ0Xq0TKENxVePL65xNqOTDOzpArmdcdaV92TNw144OHP6LXLNNTHokK3-1coZxpmydbrBr_VE1dPz_lE2TMLMV1w08hSbuy/s320/001.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<br />
<br />
We've been married for sixteen years.<br />
We've been happy.<br />
We've been sad.<br />
We've been broke.<br />
We've been broken.<br />
We've been dreamers.<br />
We've been screamers.<br />
We've been lazy.<br />
We've been crazy.<br />
We've been fun.<br />
We've thought we were done.<br />
We've agreed.<br />
We've agreed to disagree. <br />
We've gained weight.<br />
We've had to wait. <br />
We've had babies.<br />
We've acted like babies.<br />
We've been hurt.<br />
We've been healed.<br />
We've worked together. <br />
We've fought each other.<br />
We've been forgiven. <br />
<br />
We've been loved.<br />
<br />
We've been right.<br />
We've been wrong. <br />
We've been changed.<br />
We've been redeemed.<br />
We've been redeemed by grace.<br />
We've been redeemed by God's grace.<br />
We've been married for sixteen years.<div class="blogger-post-footer">All Content Copyright Mommy Missionary 2005-2009
Links from other websites welcomed. Excerpts may be used for non-commercial, not-for-profit purposes, provided the wording is not altered in any way.
For print and reprint information, contact me.</div>Mommy Missionaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13181846130612614265noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32101429.post-31072874514737871442012-09-16T21:06:00.002-05:002012-09-16T21:06:56.665-05:00Holding On and Letting Go, Part ThreeHow are we supposed to know if we are holding on to and letting go of the wrong things? I think it takes a different vision. We have to get our eyes off of the here and now and look to eternity. If we could have an eternal, birds-eye perspective of the things we go through in this life it might change what we hold on to.<br />
<br />
It's kind of like Monday morning quarter backing or coaching. I'm sure tomorrow all the Vikings fans will be second guessing Frasier's decision to not go for two or some of Ponder's moves. It's easy to see now that we know the outcome. <br />
<br />
When I was in High School I was involved in student council. One of the jobs we did was planning Sno Daze, the winter festival. We had royalty from each grade that were crowned at a pepfest on Friday during school. This was a big school with thousands of kids.<br />
<br />
So during the pepfest we had teachers crowning the winners. For some reason, we didn't have it written down so we were just telling them who to crown which in retrospect seems really, really stupid. It all was going along famously until we crowned the seniors. We told them to crown "Molly", but unfortunately there was also a girl on the court named "Mari". You can see how in a loud gym full of high school kids that mistake could be made. And we crowned the wrong girl!<br />
<br />
After it happened, I felt like the world stopped. We all kind of freaked. Then someone suggested that we didn't really need to say anything. Who would ever know? <br />
<br />
Until someone aptly remembered the Sno Daze edition of the school paper was being handed to students on the way out of the pepfest. On the front page were the pictures of all the winners. So, Molly was robbed of her crowning moment. I think the whole dance line wanted to kill us. And it seemed horrible. Really, really horrible. To the seventeen year old me, it was the end of the world.<br />
<br />
Is that how our earthly worries and comings and goings will look through eternal eyes? I know that's not a perfect example. The things we go through here can be hard, horrible and sad. But instead of grasping on to the gracious love of Jesus, we let go. We walk away and lose heart. Small decision, by small decision turn to our own way. We hold on to the ways of the world; materialism, selfishness, immorality and other things when we should be holding on to Jesus.<br />
<br />
2 Corinthians 4: 16-18 says,<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: red;"><span class="text 2Cor-4-16" id="en-NIV1984-28860">Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.</span> <span class="text 2Cor-4-17" id="en-NIV1984-28861">For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.</span> <span class="text 2Cor-4-18" id="en-NIV1984-28862">So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.</span></span></blockquote>
When Paul wrote this, he was suffering. He suffered a lot through his life and ministry. He was beaten, imprisoned, persecuted and shipwrecked. I wouldn't exactly call those light and momentary troubles. But as he kept his gaze fixed on Jesus and the world beyond this he realized it was nothing. He was looking toward eternal glory. <br />
<br />
I am usually so bogged down dealing with laundry and cooking and people and even church stuff that my eyes are not fixed on what is unseen. If I could allow God to change my vision through more time in the Bible, I think it would be abundantly clear what to hold on to and what to let go of. <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: red;"> </span><br />
</blockquote>
<br />
<br />
<div class="blogger-post-footer">All Content Copyright Mommy Missionary 2005-2009
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border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="124" border="0" alt="124" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-kSX5MnMSHIc/UEa8n1ko28I/AAAAAAAAB1o/b-u-2tZWaXw/124_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="395" height="308" /></a></p> <p>She did her own hair.  I’ve trained her to be independent like that.</p> <p>They all came out for the obligatory picture.</p> <p><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-c_l_UAcjDyU/UEa8o091zhI/AAAAAAAAB1w/SYX0NzVz39Q/s1600-h/128%25255B6%25255D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="128" border="0" alt="128" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-AO6S3S-xQkI/UEa8qiKYxsI/AAAAAAAAB14/xCoWhjQRT64/128_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="297" height="395" /></a></p> <p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimilXBgm8vks7BCbFHlg6GMIhe3QYEw_eBWoEP1DtJ-ta3hqngosb6hyKtGncg56QLuLBrlhXLp3YaQLAi2b17cGwH8eWa10hhvbWIXeiuMbXnZTlV9P4wue43R8igHNa9n8kY/s1600-h/133%25255B5%25255D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="133" border="0" alt="133" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-2MJwwP-Tl1U/UEa8uKTW_GI/AAAAAAAAB2I/uv3GLa9ycAE/133_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="295" height="231" /></a></p> <p>And then they were gone.  After 13 years of wondering if I would ever get a moments peace or get to go to the bathroom by myself, the house was quiet.  I have to say quiet wasn’t so bad.  It was actually kind of nice.</p> <p>Then I played for a while.  I caught up with a friend.  I ate a lot of pizza here.</p> <p><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-EWDbCPWOno0/UEa8vb8kbSI/AAAAAAAAB2Q/R7zNRP9gkMY/s1600-h/136%25255B6%25255D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="136" border="0" alt="136" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-LYv01JqpOG0/UEa8xBcCEZI/AAAAAAAAB2Y/RQ4yUqumb9M/136_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="325" height="433" /></a></p> <p>And I walked to my favorite candy shop for dessert.</p> <p>I got home in time to see happy faces get off the bus and bike back down the driveway.</p> <p><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-9c_lurg0RUI/UEa8ypzWLfI/AAAAAAAAB2g/fmgOZyGLa1U/s1600-h/138%25255B6%25255D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="138" border="0" alt="138" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-H0W9C-8n7Ik/UEa8zY8On7I/AAAAAAAAB2o/GPZYkwB2uF0/138_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="313" height="417" /></a></p> <p><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-KP6uQtlwPL8/UEa80_btcKI/AAAAAAAAB2w/7mbS1podWas/s1600-h/137%25255B6%25255D.jpg"><img style="background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px" title="137" border="0" alt="137" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-TSQErfC9Nzs/UEa81t5hE1I/AAAAAAAAB24/9qlXoBLXSPc/137_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="308" height="410" /></a></p> <p>That’s right, my kindergartner can ride a two wheeler.</p> <p>Even though letting go can be hard, it seems that life is pretty good on the next monkey bar too.  If I never let go, I’ll never get to grab onto the next ones!  And that would be a crying shame.</p> <div class="blogger-post-footer">All Content Copyright Mommy Missionary 2005-2009
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