Thursday, September 03, 2009


As I was driving home today I noticed red and yellow leaves on the trees. We went to the school open house tonight and had fun playing with friends and seeing new classrooms. And as fall comes I am struggling with commitment. If I commit to everything I did last year I may need to be committed.

I hate being stuck at home so I usually fill my schedule up. It's full with good things and things I like doing: bible studies, girl scouts, Sunday school, volunteering in classrooms. But I was forever cleaning or planning for the next thing. And I have no desire to do it again. I'm already tired of it and I've had all summer off.

Annie is growing up quickly. She insisted on bringing her own backpack to the open house tonight stuffed so full she could harldy lift it. It's her last year at home. Next year she'll go to Kindergarten every day. I want to take the girls to story time and do the pre-school reading program and go to the park and make play dough like I did with the older kids. If I don't change my time commitments these years are going to slip away.

My family is my most important ministry and I don't want to let anything get in the way of that. But things do get in the way. All the time. There are some things that are easy to weed out. Things I don't care about, don't enjoy or do just to please others. I'm getting better at saying no in those situations.

But sometimes I feel like it's a cop out. Am I hiding behind motherhood? I'm needed to serve at church. I enjoy sitting at my table talking about the Bible. Maybe I am just being selfish.

The thing is that there are other people that can lead girl scouts and host Bible study and teach Sunday school. If there isn't anyone and it doesn't happen, the world will go on. But there is no one else that is going to come over and mother my children. Goodness knows I would love it if someone would most days. God uses the family as a means of teaching and nurturing, where kids can experience unconditional love and acceptance. It's the primary place they will learn about God's love and salvation. It's important to God that I take that job seriously.

Deuteronomy 6:4-9
Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

It's not selfish or a cop out to choose my family.

I'm selfish for choosing the needs of others over theirs. I'm selfish for seeking my own glory instead of God's. I'm a cop out for not trusting in Christ for the contentment I need.

Even though I will have commitments to fulfill this year, I'm going to choose my family. My decisions may not make sense to most. When I am up to my elbows in play dough, they may not even make sense to me. But since my own wisdom has come up short in the past, I'm going to lean on His instead.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6