Friday, March 25, 2011

Busily Bored

I was kind of bored yesterday.  Oh I have plenty to do.  I have a house that is dirty and disorganized.  I have loads and loads of laundry to do.  I need to cook.  There are a bazillion books I would like to read.  I have school work stuff to work on with the kids.  But yet I’m bored.

Yesterday should not have been boring.  I got the kids off to school, cleaned up breakfast, logged four miles on the treadmill, went to visit an elderly friend, made basketball cupcakes for a team party, went to party, swam, ate  and came home to do bedtime.

Today I did laundry, ran on the treadmill, went to Annie’s swimming party and had lunch with her class, went on a family walk, had the neighbors over to play and sent half the family off to their various activities. 

Every day is full and busy. In fact, every week seems to spin out of control.  I keep thinking next week I’ll …  I have more on my plate and more demands on my time that I can possibly meet but still today I’m bored.

All of the things I have to do are task-oriented, busy work that takes no mental stamina.  Laundry, unload dishwasher, reload dishwasher, fold clothes, put clothes away, clean toilets, make beds, make supper, give baths and fall into bed exhausted before doing it all again the next day.

There are new challenges coming at me in motherhood.  I’m trying hard to be engaged with the kids.  That part is not boring.  There is nothing I want to do better than mother.   But it’s hard to have enough energy for the important stuff when the boring stuff is slowly suffocating me.  I might feel a little guilty about feeling that.  Or a lot guilty.

Do you know what I mean?   I’m so so glad God has blessed me with my husband and kids.  It’s amazing.  There is nothing I’d rather be doing than be here for and with them.  I’m thankful for a great church body and great friends and family.

But what about the mundane stuff that goes along with it all.  How do I reconcile that?  I’ve blogged a lot (ad nauseum?) about God’s calling.  God has called me to motherhood and that takes a servant’s heart.  I get that.

I don’t even think that having a job outside of the house would cure my boredom.  That would just give me another list of tasks that I must accomplish. 

No, I think the problem is deeper.  Certainly these mundane, boring tasks are part of every day life.  There’s no escaping that.  It maybe that what I need to endure in this life includes those things.  Maybe it is a type of suffering.  A place where I can trust God more.  Become more humble and so on and so forth.

But that isn’t all either.  I couldn’t put my finger on it yesterday, but I think today I got a glimpse.  We were created for eternity.  Forever.  When God created Adam and Eve in the Garden they were meant to go on and on until forever. 

What do workers gain from their toil?  I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.  Ecclesiastes 3:9-11

But sin came in and changed everything.  The longing, the unmet needs, the frustration and boredom might be part of our deepest longing:  to be at home with Jesus in Heaven.  He put eternity in our hearts.  But we cannot understand what God has done.  We are still on this side of eternity.

We can find happiness and encouragement and joy in our efforts to some degree.  But ultimately, we only find it in Jesus.  And being reunited with Him forever. 

But this week I seemed to forget that I have Him now too.  He is with us.  We are not lost or forgotten here in the work He has given us to do. 

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8:38-39

Of course, I can find joy in serving my family in the mundane.  I can take on challenges to keep growing.  Mostly, though, I want to take these feelings of frustration, sorrow, boredom and look to Jesus.  I can serve faithfully now.  And yearn for Him and eternity.

It’s what we were made for.