Saturday, January 16, 2010

Sad and Scary

Have you ever had to eat humble pie? It’s pretty bitter. I know because I’ve had to do it a lot. Does that mean I’m prideful? Because I really do not know why I have to continually do the stupidest, most embarrassing things on the planet.

I was trying to be prepared for Sunday School and bought stuff for an art project based on a phrase that apparently is not in the Bible. I think I might have confused it with the “Days of Our Lives” tagline. As I’m trying to figure out plan B I knocked a piece of glass my Grandma gave me off the shelf and onto the cement floor where it shattered into a bazillion pieces.

I have broken cameras and lost cell phones. I can never find my keys. I make lists for the grocery store and lose them along the way. I forget to buy eggs when that’s ALL I need. I just had to pay a $26.00 fine at the library. The librarian had to give me one of those looks they give you when your cell phone rings in there. It’s scary.

I just switched to my big girl purse because I’m trying to look less like a bum. I even wore a turquoise (not black!) cable knit sweater the other day. I’m not really used to a purse that isn’t always strapped to me . I had to go to a bunch of different places yesterday and needed my purse. Today as I was driving to the grocery store to get the things I forgot to get yesterday, I realized my wallet was not in my purse. Yes, I realized this while I was driving. But I was not talking on the phone because I forgot my cell phone at home.

I turned around and went home. I looked in the van, on the desk, on the dresser and everywhere else I could think of. I logged on to our bank account because I was sure it had been stolen. Only I can’t remember our password. Mike told me while he was on the phone. Why would he be on the phone at a time like this! My wallet has been stolen with my credit card and *gasp* my library card!

There were no charges at the bank. What could have happened? There was a loud announcement from the other room. The wallet had been found. While I was frantically ripping apart the house, Mike calmly picked up the phone and called WalMart to see if a wallet had been left there. He went on to describe it, “It’s a fake Louis Vitton wallet that probably has two dollars in it and a bunch of McDonald’s receipts.” And it was there. Sadly this has happened before. And sadly it will probably happen again.

As I was driving to pick it up I was thankful it wasn’t stolen but dreading the coming humble pie. I was worried that they might look at it and say this driver’s license says you weigh 125 pounds and not believe it was me. I waited until all the people returning dolls and video games left and quietly said I was here to claim a wallet.

The girl behind the counter picked up her walkie talkie and said, “Customer Service Manager, the idiot is here to pick up her wallet.”

The manager gave me a motherly look and said, “Scary isn’t it?”. I tried to manage a humble little smile.

As I tucked it back in my big girl purse I thought yes it is. It’s scary that I’m such a scatterbrain. It’s scary it took me 24 hours to notice something so important was missing. It’s scary that my husband knew right where it would be. It’s scary that I still have the weight I weighed when I was 16 years old on my driver’s license. Scary and sad.

Tonight I’m going to switch back to my backpack purse and super glue it to my head.


The Bergman Family said...

This is some of your best work. I would have milk shooting out of my nose right now... if I were drinking milk, that is. I need you to lose something valuable more often. How about this... you can misplace your wedding ring around tax time and then blog about it. That would really lift my spirits. :)

Wayne Pederson said...

Let me tell you about my many failed attempts to put grandpa and grandmas life story on DVD! I fool so feelish!

S.I.F. said...

This is honestly one of the best posts I have read all day (and I have been aimlessly searching blogs in my effort to be as lazy as possible!) I think it made me laugh even more because I have done those things! I've left my wallet at a store and assumed it stolen until it showed up days later. I've even gone to a store, picked up hundreds of dollards of groceries, had them all rung up, just to realize at that precise moment that I didn't have my wallet. And that fee you had to pay at the Library? I like to call that a "stupid fee", which translates into the money you have to pay because you do something completely stupid (my most recent was backing into my garage and denting my car like an idiot). You are not alone; but you did make me smile!

TAMMY said...

Are you sure that it isn't MY life you are writing about. I could tell you numerous stories just like these that would probably make you feel a lot better. You are definitely not alone!

Jen said...

I've done this twice at Wal-mart. Of course someone decided to remove all of the cash before turning it in. Thanks for sharing so I can show my husband I am not the only one.

henny said...

((hugs)) I REALLY liked this post!

Henny said...

p.s. I just paid a 84$ fine at the lirbrary, that saddest part? that was only half the real bill - my husband begged them to let us go for some of it b/c it was so outrageously high. 84$! 84$!!!!!! I am so shamed. and poor.

Carey said...

Your comment about your weight on your drivers license made me laugh out loud!! I hear you, sister! I always punch in a "happier" number on the eliptical machine at the health club too!! Ha!