No Shame

My legs are sore.  My friend who happens to be a Physical Therapist asked me if I was limping last week.  I groaned and tried to walk less like an 80 year old.

There’s no shame in being sore from training for a race is there? 

I got new shoes because they say that helps your legs not hurt.  There is no shame in a new pair of shoes, that should go without saying.

There is no shame in athletic tape. I got some thanks to a tip from my physical therapist friend. It actually feels kind of cool and athletic.

There is no shame in spending a lot of time doing this.  I could probably invest in classier ice packs though.

I limped around the store looking for this tonight.

There’s no shame in needing Ben Gay when you’re 35.  Or smelling like toilet cleaner in order to walk without wincing.  Is there?

Yeah, you’re right.  There probably is.

Mothering Maren

Four years ago my little Maren came screaming into my life. My baby. The last one. A fourth girl! What a miraculous and special and fabulous day.

Problem being, she didn’t stop screaming for the next two and a half years. I’m telling you I didn’t think we were going to make it some days. So much crying. Many temper tantrums. Lots of stubbornness.

She screamed every single time I strapped her into her car seat for a full year. She gave herself a mullet. And hence, she is my baby. The last one.

There have been a lot of tough times over the last few years. Life changing stuff. And I realized this week as I was battling some of my older daughters that there are peaks and valleys. There are times that are so wonderful and fabulous to be a mother. Then there are times that are heart wrenching and stressful and scary. I’ve learned that when things are hard, there is going to be an upswing.

The key for me seems to be to enjoy the peaks to the fullest and let them carry me through the valleys. I think they are meant to bring us closer in the end. There may be days when we don’t like each other very much, but I always love you very, very much. That’ll get us through the valleys.

Whether we are having fun or struggling, we bond. That’s my deepest desire as a mom is to grow closer and deeper with my kids. I can see that with the other girls. I can see it with Maren. And I would not trade it for the world.

We are on a peak right now. She and I get to spend our days alone together whooping it up. We go places, play and visit. We do laundry and cuddle up in bed together. She is a total delight.

I know she will turn into a school aged girl and then, Lord help me, a teenager. There are more valleys and peaks to come. Sometimes they come month to month, and sometimes they come minute to minute.

But every day, every joy, every challenge leads to relationship. It leads to sparkle and shine. And love.

So I’ll take it. All of it. Peaks and valleys. Good times and hard times. As long as I’m with my girl. My baby. My last one. My sparkle and shine.

Free scrapbook design made with Smilebox

Looking for Some Depth

Easter week in a Pastor’s family can get a little crazy.  Add two birthdays, training for a half marathon, and another round of strep and it’s, well, crazier.

We had a really great Easter.  Church was super, Easter dinner included friends from church, games and an egg hunt. But something was missing for me.

Between cooking dinner, throwing birthday parties, helping at church my weekend got garbled.  I was looking forward to some quiet time.  A little depth.  Time to spend reading and praying and celebrating Easter in my heart.  I didn’t jog on Sunday morning to make sure that would happen.

Instead the kids were up at 6:15 and I was making breakfast and getting the house ready for company.  All things I love to do. I spent quite a bit of time battling with the girls about wearing dresses and shoes and tights.  All things I don’t love to do.

By the time I sat down in church I had nothing.  I felt totally disconnected from rejoicing because of what Jesus had done instead of just the good things going on around me.

The songs were great, the extra instruments were great, the sermon was good, I just wasn’t prepared in my heart.  Corporate worship is not a stand alone event.

It frustrates me to no end.  I feel like I am always five steps behind.  I am constantly dropping what I am doing to attend to the other things.  

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one.Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” 

Luke 10:38-41

How do I as a Mom and wife juggle meeting the needs of my family with wanting some quiet time with the Lord?  I don’t want to be Martha stressing over household things when Jesus himself is sitting in my living room. 

But it’s hard!  If I try to wake up early, the kids are up.  If I try to worship late at night, I’m exhausted.

But truth be told I haven’t purposed to find the time this week.  I let easter push Easter out of my heart.  If I don’t every day, consistently take the time to pray and read the Bible and worship, it’s certainly not going to all of a sudden be there because it’s Easter and I have a skirt on.

So today, in the quietness of a day off, I’m having Easter.  It’s 9:30 a.m.  A little later than I’d like.  I’d like to get on with my day. The kids have the day off school, the dogs are here, there are things to be done, but I’m purposing to spend time with Jesus.  With depth.  

I need to control the distractions and not let them control me.  None of the “good” things I do are a replacement for time with him.  That’s what he wants more than anything anyway. Not my busyness, preparations, or my juicy ham.  Just my heart.

Every day with Him, in every day moments are the key to depth.  I have to make that happen.  He’ll supply the supernatural power and sacrifice and intimacy.  I just have to supply myself.  Michelle.  Not Mom, wife, pastor’s wife, dog owner, runner.  Just me. 

And Jesus.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is his love for those who fear him;

as far as the east is from the west,

so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Psalm 103:11-12

Praise the Lord, O my soul.

O Lord my God, you are very great;

you are clothes with splendor and majesty.

He wraps himself in light as with a garment;

he stretches out the heavens like a tent.

Psalm 104:1-2

Spring Growth

When I came home the other day I noticed something popping up in my planter. I’m not a green thumb at all so let’s hope I can keep this little gem alive and healthy all summer!

Curious

There has been a lot of excitement around here leading up to someone turning six.

She is losing teeth.

Going to school.  Learning to read.  Growing tall.

She is always on the go.  Right now, at this very moment, she is begging me to go look for bugs.  Because she got this for her birthday.

It’s a bug vest and bug sucker.  I saw some very cool bugs on the trail while I was jogging this morning so we are going to go do some investigating.

Every day she is busy.  Wondering.  Curious.  We went to the aquarium and she brought her book of animals.  As we pulled out the driveway she asked if we wanted her to read about; parrots or owls.

She wants to know how everything works, where everything goes, who everyone is and what everything does.  It can become quite exhausting and frustrating some days.  Some days I don’t want to answer questions.  Many days I don’t even know the answers.

But I know one thing.  This is part of growing up.  This needing to know all about the world and life.  It’s wonderful and sad all at the same time.  All of our kids need to go through stages and discovery, some happy, some sad, some fun, some annoying.

I’m glad she is growing and learning and doing.  I love her enthusiasm.  She needs to go through this to grow into an adult.  Which our ECFE person always reminds us:  We are raising adults, not children.  Or something like that.

The point being my girl is growing up.  I can’t keep her a little baby.  Nor would I want to.

Ok, maybe I want to just a little bit!  Happy Birthday Annie!  I hope you stay curious and wonder at life for many more years.