Monday, April 25, 2011

Looking for Some Depth

Easter week in a Pastor’s family can get a little crazy.  Add two birthdays, training for a half marathon, and another round of strep and it’s, well, crazier.

We had a really great Easter.  Church was super, Easter dinner included friends from church, games and an egg hunt. But something was missing for me.

Between cooking dinner, throwing birthday parties, helping at church my weekend got garbled.  I was looking forward to some quiet time.  A little depth.  Time to spend reading and praying and celebrating Easter in my heart.  I didn’t jog on Sunday morning to make sure that would happen.

Instead the kids were up at 6:15 and I was making breakfast and getting the house ready for company.  All things I love to do. I spent quite a bit of time battling with the girls about wearing dresses and shoes and tights.  All things I don’t love to do.

By the time I sat down in church I had nothing.  I felt totally disconnected from rejoicing because of what Jesus had done instead of just the good things going on around me.

The songs were great, the extra instruments were great, the sermon was good, I just wasn’t prepared in my heart.  Corporate worship is not a stand alone event.

It frustrates me to no end.  I feel like I am always five steps behind.  I am constantly dropping what I am doing to attend to the other things.  

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one.Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” 

Luke 10:38-41

How do I as a Mom and wife juggle meeting the needs of my family with wanting some quiet time with the Lord?  I don’t want to be Martha stressing over household things when Jesus himself is sitting in my living room. 

But it’s hard!  If I try to wake up early, the kids are up.  If I try to worship late at night, I’m exhausted.

But truth be told I haven’t purposed to find the time this week.  I let easter push Easter out of my heart.  If I don’t every day, consistently take the time to pray and read the Bible and worship, it’s certainly not going to all of a sudden be there because it’s Easter and I have a skirt on.

So today, in the quietness of a day off, I’m having Easter.  It’s 9:30 a.m.  A little later than I’d like.  I’d like to get on with my day. The kids have the day off school, the dogs are here, there are things to be done, but I’m purposing to spend time with Jesus.  With depth.  

I need to control the distractions and not let them control me.  None of the “good” things I do are a replacement for time with him.  That’s what he wants more than anything anyway. Not my busyness, preparations, or my juicy ham.  Just my heart.

Every day with Him, in every day moments are the key to depth.  I have to make that happen.  He’ll supply the supernatural power and sacrifice and intimacy.  I just have to supply myself.  Michelle.  Not Mom, wife, pastor’s wife, dog owner, runner.  Just me. 

And Jesus.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is his love for those who fear him;

as far as the east is from the west,

so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Psalm 103:11-12

Praise the Lord, O my soul.

O Lord my God, you are very great;

you are clothes with splendor and majesty.

He wraps himself in light as with a garment;

he stretches out the heavens like a tent.

Psalm 104:1-2

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