Pendulum

I know all the holding loosely stuff I wrote about before is true.  I know that we are following where God is leading us.  But most of my days these last few weeks have been spent swinging back and forth like a pendulum.

From the freeing feeling of submitting to God's leading,
to the heart pounding, soul crushing fear of what on earth have we done!?

From being confident of God's promises,
to trying to hold on to my own selfish security.

From the excitement of embarking on an adventure of faith,
to the sadness of leaving the people we love, especially now that our last Sunday is coming.

It's back and forth and up and down, which I should be used to from raising teenagers!  I get so frustrated when I have those lack of faith moments where I want to hold on to the things I can see instead of the things God promises.

The thing about the pendulum is that it is based on feelings and emotions.  All the emotions are good.  If we weren't sad to leave here, there would be something wrong.  If we weren't afraid of the uncertainty, that would be weird.

It makes me realize how much, even in my Christian life, I do not let my heart and life rest on the promises of God.  Feelings, emotions and situations change, but God does not.  His word is true and constant.

I keep rereading these verses.  It is so obvious to me that I have not allowed myself to fully trust God's promises.

"Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Joshua 1:9

"Therefore I tell you, do no worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?"

Matthew 5:25-26

I know it's true, but it is good to live it.  It's good when you wake up and all you can do is say Ok God what's next?  I will go where you lead and do what you want even if I have no idea what that is.

Since we made our first leap, we have had some bumps in the road and some amazing provisions of grace.  In the bumps, it is easy to second guess and doubt.  In the grace, it is easy to say yep we've got this faith thing and be proud.  So I guess we need a combination of both.

No matter how much the pendulum swings.  No matter how many times my feelings change.  No matter how sad I am about leaving.  No matter how worried I might be about the future.  The words and promises of God never change.  That is what I need to hold on to.  That is what we all need to hold on to in times of change or normal routine. Everything else, for good or for bad, is secondary to loving and serving Him.