Saturday, September 03, 2011

It’s the Middle of a Holiday weekend, but…

this is important. I can fully admit that I am a cynic when it comes to “Christian” stuff. I was raised in the world of Christian radio and hymn sings and it was all good. But sometimes I am just a little stand-offish with cliché Christian stuff. Unfortunately, I think my cynisim mainly amounts to pride.

Last week, a friend invited me to an event on FaceBook. It’s the kind of thing I usually roll my eyes at, a 30 Day Husband Challenge. This friend is one of the least cheesy, cliché Christian people I can think of. She’s just plain awesome. So I checked it out. I wanted to click that I would join but I couldn’t. Is it even possible to go one month without saying anything negative to or about my husband? That just seems like crazy talk.

I don’t want to be pushed out of my comfort zone and give more in my marriage. Because seriously, how much more can I be expected to give?

Let me ask you, have you had the experience of seeing a marriage break up that just knocked your socks off? I mean there are some marriage splits that are not shocking at all. Maybe even expected. Then there are marriages that implode when they seem like they were rock solid. Do you know what I wonder in cases like that? How does that happen and how do I make sure it doesn’t happen to me?

I haven’t forgotten that we’ve had some implosions in our own marriage that without the grace of God could have ended the same way. We have mini implosions more often than I would like to admit. But for the most part, things are good. We are more romantic and spend more time alone thanks to some of our kids being babysitting age now. We are doing all the “right” things. But that isn’t always enough.

After trying to avoid the “challenge”, I decided to do it. I signed up for the emails. And day one: epic fail. I do mean epic. Some of the anger and frustration I’ve been dealing with that are totally unrelated to my marriage came to the surface and it wasn’t pleasant. Really? Day one of the stinkin’ challenge to encourage my husband and I go on an all-out rant.

As Mike and I were talking today, we realized that the truth is we are all just a step or two away from implosion. Bitterness and resentment build into a nasty storm. Frustration breeds anger and annoyance.

The key seems to be in not acting on or giving in to those emotions. I had thoughts of taking off for the weekend or at least making his life miserable for a while. It sometimes takes time for me to get my head back on straight. We had a long and difficult and honest chat last night instead of pretending everything was a-ok. That was our old way.

It helps to just own the fact that we are not perfect and neither is our marriage. So I’m going to press on with the challenge even though I’m cynical. And a huge failure. And lots of other things I’d rather not list here.

We’re all in the line of fire if we are married. Satan does not want us to succeed. It’s hard work. Sometimes one or two things that aren’t even that big of a deal can make us snap.

I want to encourage you to join me in encouraging. Here’s the link to Revive Our Hearts. I want to move away from an implosion, not towards it. I think this is a good start.

2 comments:

Kristy said...

I'm typically stand-offish about Christian cliche stuff too...but I'm going to take a look at this. Andy and I have been discussing marriage a lot lately and why so many marriages fail...like you said, sometimes with people you just don't expect. I don't want that to happen to me either. Marriage is hard, I couldn't agree more with your line: "We're all in the line of fire if we are married..." and it's so true. Our marriage can always improve, and so can I as a wife.

WinD said...

I found the website about the 30 day Husband challenge just last week. I looked at it, but didn't start. It is hard to be so encouraging when, at times, you don't feel like it will be reciprocated. But what kind of excuse is that? Thanks for bringing the challenge back to my attention. I will start today! Only good can come out of being a loving and encouraging wife to your husband. Even if it is hard to do sometimes.