Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Don’t Suck It Up

I’ve been known to tell my kids to suck it up.  Not in those exact words, but the message is the same.  When one of my kids came home complaining about some things on the bus the other day,  I told her to get over it and make do because she is on the bus for all of five minutes.

I was having a conversation with someone last week who has been married way longer than I have.  She was telling me about the difficult times they have struggled through over the years. 

She commented that sometimes you can’t change the way things, or more specifically husbands, are.  You have to just accept it, live with it and make the best of it.  She patted me on the knee and said, “You know how it is.”

And I thought, no I don’t.  I don’t know how it is.  It’s no secret that we’ve had our issues in marriage.  But I realized that day some people might think that we’ve just decided to make the best of it and live with it.  It is what it is.  Maybe they want to sympathetically pat me on the knee and figure Mike and I are just sucking it up. 

I feel like I need to shout from the rooftops that is NOT TRUE!  We aren’t just making do because it’s the right thing to do, or for the kids or because it’s easier or because God would want us to.  Although there is some truth to all of that. 

In fact, me sucking it up led to problems.  Our false belief that it would be easier not to deal with issues and let it be, led to bitterness and resentment.  Those are a lethal combination in marriage, or any relationship for that matter.

So why are we still married if we aren’t just doing the right thing? 

We’re happily married because we are redeemed.  God redeems us from our sins by paying the price for us through Jesus.  He redeemed our marriage through forgiveness.  We aren’t just making do, we’ve been made new.  There is a big difference.

Our marriage has been bought back through God’s grace.  It’s better than it was.  It’s deep and real.  The “it is what it is” mentality is shallow, but choosing to forgive each other is deep. 

I am thankful and thrilled to be married to my husband.  I hope he feels the same.  When issues come up, we work at handling them with grace, not avoidance.  We work together.  We help each other.

What good is it to be celebrating a milestone anniversary if you are obviously unhappy?  When you still woefully recount all the wrongs that have been committed?  Or try to punish your spouse for past wrongs?

That is not redemption.  When we are redeemed we are bought back by Jesus Christ.  We are made new. 

So don’t waste your time sucking it up.  Let Christ redeem it.  There is peace and joy and contentment in His redemption.  It’s deep and real. 

Maybe you still need to be redeemed from your sin.  Jesus is waiting for everyone to come to him and accept His sacrifice.  He wants to buy us back from a life of sin.  Then He can redeem our relationships as well.

There’s a better way.  Don’t suck it up.


Therefore the redeemed of the LORD shall return, and come with singing unto Zion; and everlasting joy shall be upon their head: they shall obtain gladness and joy; and sorrow and mourning shall flee away.

Isaiah 51:11


Anonymous said...

This is beautiful! We all need to tell these kinds of true stories -- I am sad to think that many Christians have hollow relationships because we feel like if we really love God, then everything should be going well (or we should pretend they are). There's a book by Larry Crabb called The Safest Place on Earth, about how our churches should be just that -- safe to let our whole selves, flaws and all, be known.

Gloria said...

Amen and amen. Thank you for this, Michelle. I found your blog through a google search on mommy's and missionaries (of which I am both). I so appreciate and needed to hear this word of encouragement today.