Five

Seven years ago Mike and I were at a marriage conference.  We didn’t really want to go.  Our marriage was fine.  Great.  We met an older couple that shared how they had thought their wedding day was the mountaintop of happiness.  Now that they had celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary they realized they were wrong.  The joy and happiness of a life lived together is a much higher mountaintop than the naive giddiness of a wedding day.  I didn’t get it at the time, but God is showing me that as the years go by and we go through joys and trials it just keeps growing and getting better. 

Five years ago today, I was holding a brand new baby girl.  All 9 pounds, six ounces of her.  It feels like the pinnacle of happiness the day you give birth to a new bundle of joy. 

Those are some of the most precious and happy memories of my years with kids.  But if that is all the happiness there is, then today is a sad day. Because now she’s five.  She can swim.  She can ride a two-wheeler.  She can’t wait for school.

Next year her days will be filled with a new world.  School, teachers and friends.  I thought I would be thrilled to have one more climbing on the bus in the morning.  But I am going to miss these days with little miss sunshine.

 

As the years with little ones at home draw to a close, instead of gleefully moving on I’m finding myself tightening my grip.  Maybe I should keep her home next year?  But I’ve always known that my hold shouldn’t and couldn’t last.  She’s in His grip.  Step by step she’s got to move on.  And so do I.

But the words of that couple from the marriage conference keep coming back to mind.  We are only five years in and it’s such a blessing.  The days filled with her laughter and smile are just the beginning.  Imagine how much joy there will be in five years when I love her that much more.  When we’ve been through more ups and downs together.  Puberty, trouble with friends at school and losses and victories in sports? Or in ten or twenty years?  By the time we get to graduations and weddings, I can’t really imagine the place my heart will be if my love grows at this rate every five years.  It might burst into a million pieces.  It’s growing into something more than I could ever have imagined that day sitting in a hospital bed. 

And it gives me great hope.  That letting go is actually making room for more.  So bring it on, but not too fast.  I’m pretty satisfied with five right now.