Thursday, May 28, 2009

Things That Bug Me In Public

There are lot of things that bug me when I’m out in public with my kids. Now that summer is approaching and I will have the whole crew with me when I'm out and about it’s only going to get worse. So I’m practicing some witty responses to what some strangers actually have the nerve to say.

Stranger: “Wow! Do you run a day care or are all these kids yours?”
Me: "Why on earth would I bring my day care kids shopping with me?"

Stranger: "Boy do you have your hands full!"
Me: "I can get one free long enough to..."

Stranger: "Someone’s not happy."
Me: "Yeah and that someone is me so I suggest you get out of my face!"

In the busy, grocery store parking lot:

Lady: “I’m going to be backing out now. I just wanted to be sure you were watching her.”

Me: “Really Lady? After unloading your groceries in the huge truck, you are going to get in and leave? Thanks, because I never thought that there might be danger in the parking lot. I usually just let my kids run free."

I think the two worst places I go are the library and the Girl Scout Store/office. I feel instantly judged when I go in there with my kids.

The girl scout people don’t seem to like children. They should be kissing my feet when I go there with my FOUR daughters. I mean I am stuck being involved in this organization for another 12 years at least. Don’t cut off the hand that feeds you ladies.

Then there’s the library. One of our favorite places to go. We like books, we like story time, but most of all we like checking out movies for free. The last time I went, I forgot my library bag so I knew it would be a challenge to carry all the books and wrangle Maren and Annie at the same time. I had already chased Maren while she was attempting to run out the door. But you see they have the handicap door buttons which she cannot resist pushing. So while I was chasing her and bringing her back in kicking and screaming the lady says, “Would today be a good day to learn our new self-checkout system?”

Me: “Does today look like a good day for me to learn to do anything??” Just get over here and check me out so I can get out of here!” Actually, I said
“No thank you”.

Then when I was gathering up my books I let Maren go push the button. I was literally three steps behind her when this man goes running after her and picked her up. I politely said, “Thank you, I’ve got her”

I was thinking, “Put my kid down, whoever you are!” I again “thanked him” and said she was fine and he said,

“That’s a really long leash!”

Me: "Are you kidding me?!!? Did I ask you for your advice? Do not touch my kids or judge my parenting. Just go back to using the free internet and leave me alone."

I never actually say those things. But it’s fun to imagine what it would be like to actually say it. I like to soothe my nerves by thinking up all these responses on my way home and laughing evilly to myself.

Seriously, people, when you see a mother struggling through a store with kids this summer, resist the urge to comment and further point out the misery. Be nice and kind and compassionate and just....keep your mouth shut.


Steph VG said...

A friend here has five boys and is about to deliver boy #6 any day (seriously, she's due Monday), and she has this kind of thing happen ALL. THE. TIME. It's really opened my eyes to how I, being childless, respond to children and their parents in public. Thanks for posting this, and being honest!

Lisa said...

I know I only have 3, but so many people say " oh wow you have 3 boys..... poor thing!", so very nice!

Bonny said...

feel better getting that out? :-)

Seriously, people need to extend a little GRACE already.

I feel your pain, my dear!

Anonymous said...

Gee, and I thought wasted carbon emissions bugged me! No really, that's why I make my wife take the kids in public.

sharilyn said...

wow. i LOVED this post! your responses were so very funny and yet so very true! thanks for the laugh today... i have all kinds of those responses for other things people say in public (not kid-related), and i, too, usually say the polite thing and laugh evilly to myself.

i just happened upon you today by clicking on the "next blog" button (which i almost never do!)... i'll have to come back and read more of your posts....

hope you have a great day ... with ALL THOSE KIDS! (heh.heh. evil laugh!!) :)