In My Cell Phone I Trust

Mike has been out of town on an environmental field trip. Yeah, yuck is right. He's not gone very often, but when he is gone I stay up way too late. It's quiet in the house. Then I see news stories and hear noises. The first night I found that the lock on the sliding door was broken. And I wished we still had our dog. The one we had to get rid of because he was mean and aggressive. So I slept with my cell phone under my pillow.

The next night I was looking for my phone. At first I was just annoyed. The kids were talking to Mike and left it somewhere in the house. I wanted to send him a goodnight text. Then annoyance gave way to panic. Not only did we get rid of our dog, but also our land line. I'm not sure that was a good idea with my track record of losing small electronic devices like iPods, cameras and cell phones. What if someone breaks in or the kids get sick or there is a fire? I'll NEED my phone.

I checked to see if anyone was still on Facebook that could call me but no one was. Then I demanded or um prayed: Lord, Show me the cell phone! And could it be now because I'm tired and want to go to bed. Why wouldn't He? I hear of people praying to find things all the time. Why would he withhold security from me?

I could almost hear Him whisper: "I'm your security. I'm sovereign in your life. If something should go wrong in the night is that not under my control? Do you trust yourself and your cell phone or me, the creator of the universe?"

Well, when You put it that way. I'll take God. Of course. Hands down. It's silly actually that I choose to cling to things instead of my loving, powerful Savior. Even when I don't understand.
Sometimes in my life God has to strip away the things I cling to for security. Usually in bigger things than lost cell phones like a job or relationship or money to get me to fully rely on him.

"Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
If I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings on the dawn,
If I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,'
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you."
Psalm 139:7-12

Jenna brought the phone into me when I was still in bed this morning. But I didn't need it: Message received.

"For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake." 1 Peter 1:18-20

Glimmer of Hope

Yesterday did not go very well. Mike had previous commitments and couldn't be with us so after piano lessons I wanted to take the kids out to dinner for Maren's birthday. Have you ever tried to kill two hours in a van with five kids? I wouldn't recommend it.

I was letting them pretend to drive while I tried to take a nap in the back seat since certain kids don't like to sleep through the night. While I was laying there and Oreos were being crushed into the carpet and my iPod was being lost again, I heard Maren casually say, "I'm peeing". She was sitting in Annie's car seat. Please tell me, car seat people, why do you make it take a doctorate to take apart a seat for cleaning!

I didn't handle it too well. It was not my finest parenting moment. So instead of going to the restaurant we had to go home and get pants. De-assemble the car seat. Then we went to the restaurant, got home late, and struggled with bed time.

The kids have been monkeys. Always competitive, demanding their turn, fighting, and whining. It seems like I am the worst mother in the world. These things should be under control. What is wrong with me? What is wrong with them?

Just when I feel like my life is going to be a cross between a zoo and a circus and an insane asylum for the next 20 years I see a glimmer of hope. Today when we were waiting for Annie during speech, Maren and I hung out on the playground. Grant and Jenna's classes came out for recess. They both went running for her and me. We got big hugs and tackles. Grant chose to play away from his friends to play with her. Jenna and her friends (HT: Ellie and Gracie :) carried her around, pushed her on the swings and the merry go round.

My kids love their sister. They love each other. I can't tell you how good that was for my heart to see because some days I wonder. Some days I lecture them on how they are going to be so thankful for their siblings when they are older. But it seems they already are.

That was just enough to get me through the next twenty minutes worth of errands that took us 2 hours. It was enough to give me patience as I battled Maren and her car seat again. Some days everyone needs just a little glimmer of hope!

Did you notice one today?

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Romans 5:3-5

Goodbye Two

We've had at least one and up to three kids in diapers for the past 11 years. The potty chair has become a permanent fixture in our bathroom. The back of our van always contains at least one stroller. I've always thought it will be great when we don't have diapers, cribs, high chairs and strollers anymore. It'll be nice to sleep through the night and have more time to myself.

You'd think I'd be glad to see the terrible two's go away forever. Especially because with this last child the two's were especially challenging. Goodbye and good riddance two.

Today our last baby turned three.
















And you know what? I was right. Who needs all the baby stuff? As I was laying in bed with Maren waiting for her to fall asleep last night, I thought this is the last time I'll have to lay down with a two year old. What a relief!

Babies are overrated.




















They crawl around and put things in their mouths.
















They run around in their diapers and make lots of noise.
















They have temper tantrums and cut their hair.















When I had three little kids in diapers, people would tell me to treasure these years. I thought they must have gone crazy from lack of sleep or blocked out a lot to think they were so golden. But I was wrong. The whole thing; the good, the bad and the messy is part of the joy. The people they grow into are so amazing.

Even though I have to say goodbye to two, it isn't good riddance. There are lots of things I'll miss about two. Like when I'm kissing her goodnight and she wraps her arms around my neck really tight exclaiming, "now you can't get away ever!"

Or when she comes into my bed at night, every night at 3:00 a.m. and cuddles up.

Or when she comes running to give me a hug when I've been gone.

Goodbye two. It's been an adventure that I wouldn't trade for the whole wide world.



















(This is also the end of birthdays and cinnamon rolls and sappy posts for a while!)

Sell Out

My husband likes to call me a city slicker. The kids think that is hilarious. When we moved to a small town there were a lot of things I had to get used to like: living next to a field they spread manure in, having no pizza delivery service, being 30 miles from a Target and mall, looking out the window and seeing my neighbors turkeys looking back in, having skunks and coyotes wander through the field behind us and dogs chasing me while I’m jogging.

I admit there are some things I’ve learned to enjoy. I love hanging clothes on the clothesline (but not when they are spreading manure) , eating at the local restaurant and sending the kids to a small K-12 school. We even looked at a camper today that was made in 1976. You might be shocked to know that I was considering sleeping in it at a campground. Outside.

I don’t think I’ll ever become a true country girl but I’m getting closer.

Through the years, I’ve always had a line in the sand on country living. And that has always been the Chicken Swap. Mike takes the kids and they have all sort of fun. I never wanted to go. I don’t love animals or flea markets. Or animals with fleas. It’s a line I was not going to cross. Until today.

It draws a really big crowd. I know because I’ve driven through on my way to more civilized pursuits before.

I went with the ultimatum that we would not come home with anything furry or feathered. Apparently people sell all sort of animals there. They weren’t kidding.

Puppies in trunks and kennels and rubbermaids. Lots of puppies.

Goats, chickens, roosters, pigeons, bunnies and ducks.

The chicken swap is fun and kind of charming. Mike was embarrassed that I was taking pictures. Pretty city slickerish I guess. So I didn't get pictures of the baked goods, animal sculptures made of rakes, handmade toys and tractor manuals. You'll just have to take my word for it.

We saw all sorts of people we know. My friend bought a duck for her daughter and then realized she didn’t know what to do with it. So she turned around a resold it to someone else. Those are the kind of deals that are made at the chicken swap.

Next time I’ll be sure to bring my hand sanitizer or does that have city girl written all over it?

So now I am now officially a sell out.

Still Five

Annie has been looking forward to being five for months. Five means school. All day yesterday she kept asking if she was five now despite the evidence of presents, balloons, streamers and birthday cake. It might be because Mike was teasing her that she could never turn five and on her birthday he would sing her a new song: Four Forever! After all the waiting it was like she couldn't really believe it. Was she five? It didn't feel different.

This morning she asked several times again. Am I five? I kept reassuring her that yes she was indeed still five.

It struck me how often I do that with God. Am I saved? Am I forgiven? Am I loved? Because it is hard to believe that anyone could forgive me for the things I've done and still love me enough to die for me. So I keep asking. It doesn't feel any different. I still feel like the same old Michelle. I make mistakes, get tired, act mean to my family. Still after all these years of following Christ.

So, God, am I really changed? Do you still love me? I would totally understand if you didn't. Sometimes I don't even love myself.

But God is not like us. He continually and gently reassures us that yes we are indeed still saved.

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:6-8

His sacrifice was once for all.

"For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit" 1 Peter 3:18

His love will never end.

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God is him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:16-18

His forgiveness knows no bounds.

"As far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us" Psalm 103:12

As I've been answering Annie's questions I thought maybe God doesn't mind reassuring us. Just like when one of my kids runs into my arms it's another chance to show them my love. The love doesn't waver, it's always there. I'm the one that flounders. I need reassurance and I think he knows that. Of course He knows that, He knows everything! That's why he gave me the Bible. It shouldn't stop me from being secure in the promises He's given. It's just that every once in a while it is nice to hear those words again.

Now we are on to the next questions. Mom, Am I five and a half? When will I be six?

And I gently answer back, in 364 days honey.