Turnaround

The last blog I wrote was kind of whiny about the neediness of my family and how exhausting and quite frankly annoying that can be. It's been a few weeks now, but one night shortly after I wrote that one phone call made my attitude do a 180. We heard the ambulance go by which is always an unsettling feeling, especially in a small town since the chances are pretty great that you'll know the people involved. 15 minutes later we got a phone call that a 3 year old boy drowned in his backyard pool. We know the grandparents and Mike spent several grueling hours at the hospital with the family and did the funeral.

I was sick to my stomach all night. I really try to avoid dealing with things like this because I don't know how to handle it. We really don't know these people but I am totally devastated for them. But it really made me realize how ridiculous my last entry was because life is so precious! Why does it bother me to have to meet my kids' needs? It should be a privilege. I'm sure that the parents of this boy would love to have another chance to help him get dressed or get him a snack or play his favorite game with him.

It also reminded me of the seriousness of my job. I can easily get lazy about responding to a cry (because there are so many) or not being as attentive as I should be because I am trying to get stuff done or read my magazine in peace. Those moments spent walking behind Maren as she climbs the stairs, watching the kids outside or checking to make sure they are ok occasionally are way more important than anything else I could be doing. But I'm not God or Superman so I can't be in all places at all times and that worries me. In reality, no one is immune from serious accidents or sickness. I've got to continually pray my kids over to Jesus each day, knowing He loves them more than I do and has a perfect plan for their lives.

I really wanted to shield the kids from what was going on, but there was no way around it. When we were talking about the accident that night I had the chance to share with them and remind myself that we trust in a gracious, merciful and loving God. Although I struggle to understand hard things, I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is always there. I believe that God welcomes little children to heaven that weren't old enough to understand or who had never heard of His salvation. I have no theological statement to back that up, but I think scripture points to that. The kids need to grapple with these issues in order for their faith to mature beyond Jesus Loves Me This I Know. In a way, I wish it could stay that simple, but I'm glad that the doors were opened for teaching.


Psalm 145:8
The Lord is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.

Nehemiah 9:17
They refused to listen and failed to remember the miracles you performed among them. They became stiff-necked and in their rebellion appointed a leader in order to return to their slavery. But you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. Therefore, you did not desert them.

2 Peter 3:9
The Lord is now slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.


P.S. As I'm rewriting this a few weeks later, the other son in that family came to Vacation Bible School and his whole family came to our program and picnic. We hope we can be a light and encouragement to them in the difficult days ahead.

Meeting Needs

Have you ever felt like you are constantly meeting other people's needs? The kids need a snack, the baby NEEDS a diapers change, everyone needs clean clothes. Every need seems to be an emergency. Most needs demand my attention, time and energy. Did you ever notice that your husband can have a list of projects to do, start working on them and get them finished without interruption? That never seems to happen to me. There are also needs from our extended families, friends and church. Did anyone ever notice that I might have a need? Like I might NEED to go the bathroom during the day BY MYSELF?

It's an unusual feeling to have my life so full of meeting other peoples needs. I was just reading in a magazine about "me time". They had a whole section on how to cater to yourself because you deserve it! Anything from a trip to a spa to buying that new outfit was important because we live in a self centered world! Now I'm all about getting out and away from things. It is important or I might be writing this from some type of institution some day. But I do think there is danger in the "you deserve it" mentality. The healthy magazines of the world will tell you to slow down, cherish life and center yourself! But I'm pretty sure last time I checked the Bible has a different message: self-sacrifice, humility and seeking to meet the needs of others first or even instead of our own. That is how we become more like Christ and more godly wives, mothers, and friends.

So even though I'd really like to go get my errands done, take a nap and go for a walk, I guess it will take a backseat to reading stories, starting movies, painting fingernails, refereeing fights, dispelling temper tantrums, important projects in the garage and anything else that comes along. I need to keep my eyes fixed on Christ and not ME and allow Christ's example to keep me humble and ready to serve.

Acts 2:45
Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need.

Matthew 25:40
I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.

Philipians 2:3-5
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus

Change

Wow! It's been so long that I couldn't even remember my sign in or password for this blog! Well, I am back at the stage of child rearing where I am finally sleeping through the night again after 14 long months and my brain waves are returning to their pre-baby level, which really isn't saying much! Maren is so much happier now. She stayed home with Mike a few weekends ago so I could go to Girl Scout camp with Jenna. I guess she didn't miss me much. She is weaned, sleeping better and walking and so life goes on.

This week Grant, our oldest, went to Bible camp. My friend and I dropped him and her son off on Sunday afternoon. We thought we would help them get settled, comfort them and so on, but they were anxious for us to leave. And now it's been four days and I haven't heard a word from him. Of course I have emailed him every day and they give it to him, but he can't email back. I thought about sending some envelopes and stamps with him so he could write, but Mike quickly scoffed at that informing me that boys don't write letters from camp.

Yesterday, I thought maybe Mike should drive up there and hide in the trees just to see how he was doing. I guess you can probably figure how well that went over. So I am left wondering how my little boy is doing away from home! It's an odd feeling after having so much daily control and interaction all his life. He was excited and ready, but I'm not sure I was.

Jenna is in Chicago this week with my parents and her cousin. She was actually nervous about going and came out of bed crying before she left. But things are going fine and she is having a great time. That's what my mom said anyway, she was really too busy to talk to me today!

So what's a mother to do? It's just the beginning of them having more and more of their own life. More and more of their time revolving around friends, activities and less time at home base. As much as I hate to admit it, there are things that they need to do and learn apart from me. And I know that I'm going to lose my place at the center of their life, which is the whole point of growing up right? I just didn't think it would start so soon or be so weird. When all the kids were little I thought I'd be relieved when they were able to do things away from me. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for them to have these experiences.

And this had made me really look forward to and appreciate our family trip this summer! All of us together in the van, okay maybe not that part, but away from baseball and friends and stuff. It's just a reminder that we have them for such a short time.

Can You Hear It?

I was reading about Elijah in 1 Kings 19, where he is sure he is the only one left who loves God. So God calls him out to the mountain where He is going to pass by. A great and powerful wind comes, followed by an earthquake, followed by a fire but God was not in any of those things. He came in a gentle whisper. What an amazing story!

I was wondering what I would do in Elijah's situation? I want to hear God's voice and I do want to whine and complain a lot about how zealous I have been and how I am the ONLY one left! But I'm not sure things would have turned out so good for me.

First, when the powerful wind came I would have shut the windows and the doors, I would have hid in the basement from the earthquake (wait a minute - is that the place to go in an earthquake?) and I would have quickly run to my cupboard, grabbed my fire extinguisher and put out that pesky fire right away!

And when the gentle whisper came I wouldn't have heard it! Not with my cell phone, washing machine, dishwasher, MP3 player, radio and TV all on at the same time! Plus I'd be typing an email and helping the kids with homework and changing a diaper and whipping up a casserole (like any good Minnesotan would)!

In this day with all my gadgets and at this stage with the constant needs and noise of my family, I have no time for a gentle whisper! But yet that is how God is at times. But whether it's a strong wind or something quieter, I need to slow down, quiet down and focus on Him. Maybe use a little thing called the "OFF" button! and have some time to read and pray.

Unfortunately my husband and kids do not have an off button - or at least I haven't found it yet. But I need to discipline myself to find that quiet time! There will always be a distraction, some good, some bad! But it's my desire to walk away from that and head to the mountain!

1 Kings 19:12-13
After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

It's Hard to Learn When You're Old!

I am feeling kind of old these days! I know that is silly since I am only 24 :) Ha Ha! Last weekend both Annie and Maren were sick and had both Mike and I up ALL NIGHT! We pulled some all nighters in college to be sure, but I could sleep in the next day or grab a quick nap and be fine. Now it has taken me 7 days to recover!

I haven't had to learn anything brand new in a while. I am now usually the one teaching new things to others which I am finding to be very frustrating! Case in point, the worst part of parenting I have encountered so far: Potty Training! I feel like I should run away screaming like they would do in a Freddy Kruger movie (now you KNOW I am over the age of 24)! But I'm working with Annie and she is doing way better than any of our others kids did. I think part of the reason is because I don't freak out when there is a mess anymore. I've adopted the "Bissel" slogan, "Life's Messy, Clean It Up!"

There are lots of other things I've been teaching my kids: how to write their name, how to tie their shoes (then I wised up and bought velcro!), how to load the dishwasher, how to be a good friend, how to google :), and how to bake. It seems obvious to me how you write an "A"! You just do it. But it isn't that easy when you don't know how to write. I'm glad I never became a professional teacher.

So recently, I became a student and learned a bigger lesson than I bargained for. I've always wanted to learn to French braid! Especially now that I have four girls, it seemed like a necessary skill. Ok, aim small right? So I asked a hair dresser friend how to do it and she said, It's So easy you just keep grabbing more hair and you go down the head and voila! So I tried on my girls and I tried on their Barbie heads, but I could not do it! I kept trying and remembered something the hair dresser said, then I got it! It would have been easier if someone had watched me and pointed out my mistakes. It seems back in grade school when I learned to braid, I learned wrong. I was going under not over. I practiced a lot. I remember practicing on the fringes on my parents beautiful brown and gold 70's afghan! Who knew what problems it would cause me in my quest to French Braid? I am so proud and now I force everyone in our house (including Mike's mullet) to have their hair French braided every day!

But probably a little more importantly, I learned to have patience as a teacher to my kids. All this stuff, though it seems simple and straightforward to me, is foreign to them. And they need me to take the time to show them what to do and keep correcting them until they figure it out. It's just so hard for me to be patient!

I guess it's good to have to be a student again sometimes and learn how hard it can be to learn!
If you've got a mullet or a afghan that needs braiding give me a call!