I'm Back!

I guess I need to explain my long absence from my blog. I'd like to blame it on my frustration with slow internet. I'm greatly anticipating having the opportunity to get high speed internet, but it's not quite available out here yet. But that really isn't the true reason at all.

My blogging time is usually between 9:00 p.m. and 11:00 p.m. after the kids are in bed and I've had my night time snack. But that time has been cut out of my life for the last few weeks due to a sudden need to go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

Have you ever wrestled with a decision for a long time? Prayed about it, talked about it, asked others what they did about it and still felt unsure what to do? Well, since we had Annie we've been struggling with when to be done having kids. I thought by the time we had 4 kids it would be a no-brainer. This summer we decided that maybe we should be done and pursue our interest in adoption. So off I went to have a consultation with a doctor about making that decision permanent.

However I was unaware that I was already pregnant with our 5th baby when I went. Doesn't God just have a great sense of humor? Just when we think we are in control of the decisions and destiny of our lives he reminds us that we are NOT.

So I was thinking to myself, can I practice what I preach about having a heart that is soft towards God's plans for my life? For a long time I was feeling kind of despressed, not about having another baby, but I was dreading hearing all the comments from people who think we are totally insane! (However, I can happily report that most people have handled it pretty well - at least to our faces!) But starting over with another baby, more maternity clothes (gag) and getting big and trying to lose the weight were all the selfish things on my mind. But if I thought about the baby, a new life I had a totally different attitude.

My friend and I were talking about adoption and the outrageous costs involved. She said something that really struck me. She said once you have the baby you would pay a million dollars for it. Isn't that the truth? If you focus on the important things, the "meat" of the matter so to speak, all those other little things aren't so important. I'm thankful that God has blessed our lives with this new life.

And so what if I have to wear hiddeous clothes for one more winter (or the horror of a maternity swimsuit!), gain a little weight, have others think we are weird, have 3 sets of bunk beds in our house and the list goes on and on. I can remember the hard things that surrounded having my other kids; some were early, some were late, could we afford it etc. But when I look in their faces and their lives I think all those things were trivial and fade in comparison. They really are worth more than a million dollars each. So, bring it on number 5 - you're already worth more than a million dollars to us and to God!

A Tough Subject

I don't want to participate in any Mommy Wars here so I think I better clarify myself from the What's Your Worth post. I don't at all think it is wrong to have a job, the danger comes in when we let it become a god in our life and we are using it to get the value we need to get from Christ. The Proverbs 31 woman obviously had business interests outside of her home, but she was praised for fearing the Lord.

Some Moms work because they have to, some because they need the interaction of a job and it actually makes them a happier mom and some stay at home full time. I think everyone has to do what works for them and what God has called them to. I have a friend that works, she would rather not but it is a submission issue for her because her husband wants her to.

The only thing I know for sure is that God has to be the center and most important part of our lives. When we let a job or anything else (even our kids) get in the way, we've got trouble!

Gentle and Quiet - Me?

I've been chewing on this for quite a while, let me know what you think! I've had a love/hate relationship with 1 Peter 3:4 for a long time now. I love it because I want to live God's way and anything that is of great worth to Him gets my attention. I hate it because I don't feel like I can do it. 1 Peter 3:4 says, "Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

For those of you that know me, it's no surprise that I find this a difficult thing to attain. I have a loud, sarcastic personality and a weird sense of humor. So I have been trying to figure out for a few years now why God would think this was very important and not even give me the chance to live up to it.

I have been wrongly believing that this gentle and quiet spirit is personality driven. It's not! The word used for gentle in this verse is the form of the word that is used in the Fruit of the Spirit. It means meekness toward God, a disposition of spirit in which we accept His dealings with us as good without disputing or resisting. In the Greek Lexicon I looked up (I know - it's amazing what you can learn on the internet) it said that in the Old Testament the meek were those who wholly relied on God rather than their own strength.

Furthermore, in Holman's Bible Dictionary is said that meekness is a trait of gentleness and humility, the opposite of which is pride. It does not refer to weakness or passivity but to controlled power.

So what's my point you may ask? Well, I have been mistaken for a long time. This does not deal with my temperment or personality, it deals with my heart. And I need to have a heart that is willing to let God deal with me, that is humble and gentle.

It certainly eases the pressure on people like me. But I think there is another danger here. There are some people who DO have a gentle and quiet personality. You know, they wear jumpers (ok, not all the time), never speak out of turn and are always appropriate in every situation. But I think they could fall into the trap of feeling that they are all over this, but their hearts could be prideful and hard towards God's workings in their life.

So whatever your personality may be, God gave it to you for a purpose, so be yourself. But train your heart to be gentle and meek. I hope that I am known as a loud, boisterous person with a soft heart. I also hope that God will work in my heart so that meekness can smooth some of my personality's rough edges. I want to have a heart that is open to God's work.

2 Corinthians 10:1
"By the meekness and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you . . ."

What's Your Worth?

Where do you get your worth? You know, self-esteem, self-worth whatever you want to call it. It's hard to get any as a wife and mother. We will be praised far more for the things we do outside of our home even in the "Christian" community. The definition of worth is "the quality that renders something desirable, useful or valuable". And I think at times our families can give us worth. When our husbands and kids (hopefully someday) appreciate the things we've done for them and the time we've spent with them it feels worthwhile.

But, it is so easy to fall prey to those feelings on worthlessness while we are serving our families. Ladies, we HAVE to get our worth from Jesus Christ! It's in Him and His redeeming love for us that we find usefulness and value. If we put him in the proper place in our lives we won't have to fill our lives with other things to feel whole. Jesus loves and accepts us just as we are. He finds the job we are doing as mothers and wives very worthy of our time and effort.

Now here I go bringing up the pesky Proverbs 31 woman! Proverbs 31:10 says, "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies." Get your Bible out and read to the end of Proverbs 31. This woman certainly had interests outside of her house but she fears the Lord and that is praise worthy. We have to put Jesus Christ first in our lives.

Jesus Christ has created you as an intelligent, beautiful, talented woman. He thinks that you are worth dying for. I think my family is worth benefiting from the time, talent and education Christ has given me. Why do we think we are wasting it when we are pouring it into them?

I've talked to a handful of women in the last few months that are holding on to their jobs not because of the money, but because of the worth and value the title gives them. It's okay to get fulfillment out of your job, but we can't let these other things give us the worth that needs to come from Christ in our lives.

So if you are seeking worth from someone or something other than Christ, RUN back to the Source!

Matthew 6:26
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store up in barns,
and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.
Are you not much more valuable than they?"

Do They Ever Learn?

Our old couch in the basement is completely ripped and the stuffing is almost gone. I can live with that in the basement and the kids are free to use it as a trampoline, coloring book, snacking spot, balance beam or fort. But now, the upstairs couches are ripping. (Mike warned me not to buy cotton furniture again, but did I listen?) Today Annie was picking the stuffing out of a rip in our love seat. I told her no and she kept doing it. The punishment escalated at each offense and that didn't phase her. She just looked at me with her big brown eyes and went right ahead. This continued for a while. Finally, she relented and came crying to my lap. It's hard to imagine what must be going through their little heads when they do that. You would think they would just stop!

I've always thought the same thing about the Israelites in the Old Testament. They continue to walk away from God time after time, miracle after miracle. Exodus 16 is full of complaining, grumbling and disobeying. They had just been freed from slavery! (I boastfully believe that if I would have seen Him part the Red Sea I never would have wandered.) Yet he always takes them back, forgives them and helps them. I assumed God was way to soft on these idiots! Will they never learn to just follow God? But God's mercy and compassion is always there when they repent and turn back.

So, even today with Annie and the couch, when she came crying back to me I took her up in my arms and hugged her. Certainly it didn't stop me from caring for and loving her - although I was not going to stand by and let her rip my couch to shreds either! And that's the beauty of having God as an example. His mercy, grace and compassion knows no bounds. He had rules for his people, but when they repented he welcomed them back.

Sometimes it seems easier to just let my kids get away with things than using up all my energy constantly correcting them. But God demanded repentance and obedience from his people too. I think it's funny that he calls them "stiff-necked" because that kind of reminds me of a toddler and quite frankly, myself. But I think it is important for my kids to see their need for repentance, then they will experience that grace and compassion.


We have dealt with more serious issues than some stuffing from a couch already with our kids, but I'm sure as they grow the issues will get bigger and harder. But with God as our Father, his compassion and grace can overflow through us and into our kids. Even when we are fed up and feel like they will never learn, when God brings them to repentance we can be there with open arms.

And really, how could we not? I don't really like to admit all the times I have walked away from God. And yet, his love and compassion are abundant in my life. That's a lesson I need to use in my parenting!

Exodus 34:8-11

Moses bowed to the ground at once and worshiped. "O Lord, if I have found favor in your eyes," he said, "then let the Lord go with us. Although this is a stiff-necked people, forgive our wickedness and our sin, and take us as your inheritance." Then the Lord said: "I am making a covenant with you. Before all your people I will do wonders never before done in any nation in all the world. The people you live among will see how awesome is the work that I, the Lord, will do for you. Obey what I command you today. I will drive out before you the Amorites, Canaanites, Hittites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites."