Thursday, October 26, 2006

I'm Back!

I guess I need to explain my long absence from my blog. I'd like to blame it on my frustration with slow internet. I'm greatly anticipating having the opportunity to get high speed internet, but it's not quite available out here yet. But that really isn't the true reason at all.

My blogging time is usually between 9:00 p.m. and 11:00 p.m. after the kids are in bed and I've had my night time snack. But that time has been cut out of my life for the last few weeks due to a sudden need to go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

Have you ever wrestled with a decision for a long time? Prayed about it, talked about it, asked others what they did about it and still felt unsure what to do? Well, since we had Annie we've been struggling with when to be done having kids. I thought by the time we had 4 kids it would be a no-brainer. This summer we decided that maybe we should be done and pursue our interest in adoption. So off I went to have a consultation with a doctor about making that decision permanent.

However I was unaware that I was already pregnant with our 5th baby when I went. Doesn't God just have a great sense of humor? Just when we think we are in control of the decisions and destiny of our lives he reminds us that we are NOT.

So I was thinking to myself, can I practice what I preach about having a heart that is soft towards God's plans for my life? For a long time I was feeling kind of despressed, not about having another baby, but I was dreading hearing all the comments from people who think we are totally insane! (However, I can happily report that most people have handled it pretty well - at least to our faces!) But starting over with another baby, more maternity clothes (gag) and getting big and trying to lose the weight were all the selfish things on my mind. But if I thought about the baby, a new life I had a totally different attitude.

My friend and I were talking about adoption and the outrageous costs involved. She said something that really struck me. She said once you have the baby you would pay a million dollars for it. Isn't that the truth? If you focus on the important things, the "meat" of the matter so to speak, all those other little things aren't so important. I'm thankful that God has blessed our lives with this new life.

And so what if I have to wear hiddeous clothes for one more winter (or the horror of a maternity swimsuit!), gain a little weight, have others think we are weird, have 3 sets of bunk beds in our house and the list goes on and on. I can remember the hard things that surrounded having my other kids; some were early, some were late, could we afford it etc. But when I look in their faces and their lives I think all those things were trivial and fade in comparison. They really are worth more than a million dollars each. So, bring it on number 5 - you're already worth more than a million dollars to us and to God!


Christy said...

Congratulations! I am so excited for you! You need to print this entry out for the baby book! I felt the exact same way when I was pregnant with #4 - what are people going to think? I had to work through it with my therapist - ha ha. I guess you could've saved me some money with your good insights!

Michelle said...

Congradulations! How crazy is all that! God really does have a perfect sense of timing.

Well, joy to you!

jenmil said...

Yeah, Kellers!! How exciting!
I know just what you mean, though! I have had all those trivial concerns about ugly clothes and my "drumstick"-like thighs and telling other are right. None of it matters in the long run. But it is hard when you are right there in it!! If you need someone to empathize with you, just send me an email!!
Congrats and I hope you start to feel well soon!! PS Always count on other big families to cheer you on and not think you are crazy!!

Anonymous said...

I'm surprised we hadn't heard from Pam yet! Congratulations! We're very happy for you.