Willing

I spent the day Saturday at a pastor's wives group I was invited to join by my friend Nicole. The ladies were great and I'm looking forward to getting to know them better over time. In the chapter we were working through, there was a large section on women in ministry. There's debate going on in some circles as to what role women should play in the church. We didn't really discuss it in much detail at our meeting and I do have an idea where I stand on the issue. But God impressed something more important on my heart during that day.

Am I willing to put aside my gifts, callings and talents for the Lord? Am I willing to pour out my gifts in the role I have with my family even if it is not noticed or praised by many?

I usually consider myself willing to use my gifts for the Lord in the way I want to. But, I want to be in control of where I serve. It’s easy to hide behind my gifts or talents by saying either I can’t do this or I can ONLY do that.

Since the beginning of time women have tried to grab control. Eve did it when she ate the fruit (Genesis 3:6-7). Sarah did it when she conspired to have a son through her servant (Genesis 16). Rebekah did it when she helped Jacob steal the birthright (Genesis 27). Rachel and Leah did it when they had a fertility battle to prove who could provide the most children to their husband (Genesis 29-30).

And I do it, all the time. A lot of times I think it's cultural. And that is partially true. Our culture has taught us that we can do anything, be anything, let nothing get in our way! From looking at Genesis, it seems that the desire to control things is simply a part of our sinful nature.

But I have found the most fulfilling freedom when I willingly let go. Letting go of my need for recognition, control, career (Maybe willingness includes giving up a career, taking a break, or keeping a job that you don't love because your family needs it) and callings has not been my way. God has had to humble me and show me HIS way.

Can I choose to follow the pattern of Christ in his willingness to make himself nothing. My purpose in this life is not to demand fulfillment. It’s to let Christ mold me into what he wants me to be: set apart and different, humble and gentle, seeking His glory, not my own.

By making less of myself, I make more of Jesus.






Philippians 2:1-11
¹If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ²then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. ³Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. ⁴Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
⁵Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
⁶Who, being in very nature^F5 God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
⁷but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
⁸And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death--
even death on a cross!
⁹Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
¹⁰that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
¹¹and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

Not Me!

When I read about Not Me! Monday I figured I’d better get on board. Here are my unconfessions for the week!

I did not get out of the shower to find my youngest in the cupboard dumping out all the kool-aid and pudding packets she could find. And I definitely did not take a picture of it for my blog. That might make her think it was ok.

Upon hearing that one of the kids vomitted while I was gone, I did not think “I’m so glad I wasn’t here!” I would never do that.

I did not hear my girls talking about their school field trip to the circus. I did not hear one say, “The girls were dressed to inappropriately!” And the other one say, “Yeah, I could see one of their cheek butts!”

I did not have to take my screaming child out of church three times yesterday. I’m the pastor’s wife and I sit in the front row.

I did not eat ½ the pan of chocolate crunch brownies. I made them for my family and everyone knows that I DO NOT eat sugar anymore!

I did not make such a big fool of myself on the tennis court that my husband literally fell over laughing. After all, I am a good tennis player who has a lot of time to practice.

I did not leave my purse at the coffee shop after our tennis date. I didn’t have any kids to keep track of and I am always attentive to where my stuff is.

Upon returning from tennis and coffee, I did not pick up my two year old because she was crying in her crib and let her come watch T.V. with us. I would never do that because bedtimes and sleep schedules are important. And two year olds are not supposed to watch T.V.

I did not spell "hear" the wrong way and go back and fix it later.

Footprints in the Pudding

I don't think you could consider yourself a "christian home" in the 1970's unless you had a macrame wall hanging of the poem "Footprints in the Sand" (or those name plaques: Michelle- Godly Woman). But when I was in the shower yesterday Maren took matters into her own hands and did footprints in the pudding and kool-aid. I don't take long shower (anymore) and when I got in she was quietly reading herself "Goodnight Moon" on the couch. I came out to this.






Do you have any idea how hard it is to clean up Kool-Aid? It smears and stains everything. My hands and her feet are still red!



MMMM...anyone thirsty for kool-aid?


The funny thing is that I didn't get mad at all. The floor really needed to be washed anyway, along with the sink and tub. I'm not sure if I am growing more patient or just don't care anymore. During clean up, I decided I should start potty training her because really, what's one more big mess? She likes running around with no clothes on, so it's working out pretty well.

I've often wondered if I have lack of patience or anger issues. You know when the kids do stuff to freak you out or push your buttons and you snap. Maybe God is using Maren to help take the fight out of me, in a good way. The little things don't bother me as much. I'm too tired to get mad anyway. Not to say that I think it's OK for her to go in the cupboard and empty our stash of kool-aid and pudding, because clearly I don't. Those are two very precious commodities in this house. And yet, I didn't feel the need or desire to yell.

Maybe I should see if my parents still have our "Footprints in the Sand" wall hanging because I like to think that Jesus is carrying me at those moments, helping me not mess up. And through his grace giving me patience and gentleness to press on.

Days like yesterday momentarily cause me to want to run away, but I really don't. Tomorrow I have to be gone all day at a conference and I must say I don't want to go. I hate being gone and missing my messy, wild, somewhat disobedient, beautiful, wonderful, fun and loving kids.

Oh and just in case it's been 30 years since you read "footprints", here is a modern day, internet version.

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

Matthew 11:28-30
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

WARNING: Motherhood May Lead to Weight Gain

Well, that isn't exactly the title of the article I read, but it might as well have been. I used to be the girl who could eat ANYTHING! And I did. In college, I ate M&M's and drank Diet Coke for breakfast, grabbed a donut between classes before running through the Taco Bell drive through on my way to work and easily slipped into a size 6 bridesmaid dress.

Then I got married and thought I should be able to eat as much as my husband. I quit working and enjoyed the beauty of baking and eating.

Then I had kids. And now even if I ate nothing but tofu and actually had time to exercise like I should, I would still not lose a pound. I think I know why now. Studies show that stress and lack of sleep *may* (meaning most certainly, guaranteed to) lead to weight gain. Really now?

I don't know any group of people that are more stressed-out or sleep-deprived than moms. So you get pregnant, gain weight, grow a huge belly only to move on to no sleep, stress and living life around the eating patterns of your offspring. The offspring will typically suck you dry of all your energy and motivation leaving you incapable of forming a complete sentence let alone exercising.

Let me share something with you from Health magazine; my favorite, guilt- inducing periodical.

"One of the first questions I ask clients like Tia Carrere (who? - was she in Wayne's World?) is how much they're sleeping. There are some really dramatic studies out there that link not getting enough sleep to obesity. We're just beginning to realize that the quality and quantity of our sleep affects our appetite in ways we never dreamed it did. When you are sleep-deprived, your body produces low levels of leptin and high levels of ghrelin, two hormones that affect how full you feel. I often find that once clients start getting seven to eight hours of sleep a night, they're much less likely to overeat and the pounds just come off."
Jackie Keller, an L.A. based celebrity trainer
(Health Magazine, May 2009, page 46)

Well, even if Jackie Keller wants to come over, tuck me into bed early, do my chores and sit up with my kids at night, I have another problem: stress. That's the other big factor. I know my family is a joy to me, but it's also a wee bit stressful at times: keeping up with the schedule, moods, laundry, appetites and messes of my family. I need a bowl of ice cream just thinking about it!

With all this new knowledge, I think it's high time I make some changes to my routine and realize.....

I am doomed.

Hurt

I've come to terms with the fact that there will be hurt in life. But just because you know it's coming doesn't make it any easier when it hits! I've had shin splints, fights with friends, disappointment with people that have caused hurt. But truth be told, my life hasn't involved a lot of pain. Being in "the ministry" full-time seems as though you might fly through life with a hymn on your lips, bible in hand and casserole in the oven. Unfortunately, it's messier than that (and no, I'm not referring to my casseroles).

Some ministry friends of ours are going through times of great hurt in their church. Ours may not be so blatant but nonetheless when you have poured your lives into a church for over a decade it is difficult to not take it personally. There are people choosing to walk away from Christ and the church altogether. There are people choosing other bigger, better, fancier, more dramatic churches. Sometimes I want to play tough and pretend I don't care, but I do.

My hurt is not so much (anymore at least) feeling bad that there will be more empty spots in church. It's truly because God has given me a love for the people He's brought into our lives. I want them to have the joy that can only be found in Him and the hope of eternal life. But all I can do is tell them about it, I can't make them choose it. Only God can.

There are parents I know that hurt over their childrens' choices and yearn for them to return. Many hurt over their childrens' physical ailments and deficiencies. Some hurt over what could have been or what may come. Some may hurt over their mistakes and failures as parents.

Maybe hurt is good thing in that it shows me the depth of my love. It helps me identify with Christ. It's not a good thing if it makes me vengeful, depressed or fall away from what God wants me to do - then I'm the one walking away!

I think now I might have a little glimpse into how Jesus felt when people He loved enough to die for rejected Him. Hurt. Sad. His sadness proves his great love. He wants people to come to Him and be saved. 2 Peter 3:9 says,

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

As His followers, we are promised suffering and persecution just like He faced!


Luke 17:25

But first he must suffer many things and be rejected by this generation.

1 Peter 2:4

As you come to him, the living Stone - rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him -

John 15:20

Remember the words I spoke to you: 'No servant is greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also.

2 Titus 3:12

In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted,

So what do I do with hurt? I can rejoice in being identified with Christ. He was persecuted, rejected, and suffered the greatest hurt on this earth. But He stayed on message. He stayed on course. He loved deeply. If He didn't, he would not have endured the cross for me.

I can't let the hurt in my life or ministry harden me. I need to bring it back to the One who knows firsthand how it feels. I can find solace, rest and courage in His arms. Wherever he leads, I've got to continue to love.