Thursday, February 03, 2011


It’s no fun to be hurt.  I despise getting to the place of brokenness where sadness turns to despair.   Oh, there are plenty of opportunities to be broken in life:  marriage, parenting, family, work.  It seems like every time God brings me through some tough times I think to myself: I’ve got this.  Smooth sailing from here.  But it doesn’t really work like that.  The waves continue to come.

This week it hit again.  I couldn’t stop the tears from falling at church. There might have even been a few sobs.  I hate that.  I couldn’t sing.  I was glad to be hiding behind holding my daughter.    I kept wiping my eyes so my make up wouldn’t run.  I hate that too.  Maybe I should invest in some waterproof mascara.

I’m supposed to be happy at church.  And I’m supposed to be a strong person.  Why would hard, bad, hurtful or painful things keep happening?

The thing is being broken isn’t bad.  The times I have been the most broken are the times God has taught me the most.  I feel like he is talking to me when I read the bible.  I learn that He’s given me more love for Him than I realize. 

There have been many, many times of brokenness in my life as a parent.  Just last night as a matter of fact.  And there will be more.  There will be hard times in my marriage, my church, my finances and my health.

As the waves come crashing in, all I can do is cling to Christ.  Listening to the church sing was some of the most meaningful worship I’ve had in a long time.  I realize I can no longer rely on my goodness or problem solving skills.  Only Him.

Although I don’t go looking for hurt and pain, when it comes it’s by God’s hand.  He allows it.  And He allows it for a reason.  Those are the times I go running to Him.  I cling to Him and His word.  I cherish what He has done for me.

The more I fix my eyes on Him, the less anything else really matters. 

This week I couldn’t help but think I don’t want this anymore.  It hurts too much to pour my heart and soul into things only to have it stomped on. 

And I think God nudged my gaze in Jesus’ direction.  Like Him?  The one who gave it all?  The sacrifice you stomp on every day in your sin.

Hmm, yeah good point.  The Bible promises that as followers of Christ we will share His sufferings.  But don’t miss what He will in turn share with us as we suffer.

Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 

Romans 8:17-18

For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 

2 Corinthians 1:5

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, who he has given us. 

Romans 3:3-5

So we can’t run away from brokenness and suffering.  It is a promise.  And why should we?  What does the Bible promise in those verses?  That while we share in his sufferings, we’ll also share in his comfort, glory and hope. Wow.

Maybe I’d be a little better off if I shed a few tears in church more often.  Or maybe even a few sobs.  Because the truth is we’re all broken.  And beyond the brokenness and sadness comes comfort and hope!

How could I desire anything else?  Why would I spend all my time chasing the good life, when the great life is right here in the puddle of my tears. 

After the tears dry up, I can look to Christ and rejoice in His comfort and glorious hope.  Praise Him!


Peter and Nancy said...

Funny you should post this today. I spent an hour on the phone this morning with another woman in ministry going through an agonizing situation, and just visited the hospital chapel with my kids, and remembered going there for a service a few years ago for friends who lost a baby. That was a time when I actually had to leave the sanctuary because I was sobbing so hard . . . I think when life is this hard, it makes me want heaven more, and want to know Jesus better. It's a painful tradeoff, but definitely moves me closer to Him. I'm sorry you're in a valley right now. I hope you take comfort in having a little company.

~VA~ said...

I just wanted to remind you that you don't have to be happy at church. Also, if you haven't heard the song "Stained Glass Masquerade" I think you would like it.