Monday, November 17, 2008

Sowing Seeds

I have been home with a sick kid for an entire week. I haven't been able to do a lot of the things I normally do. Today as I was folding my umpteenth load of laundry, putting a turkey in the oven, changing diapers, playing sweet streets and helping Mike outside, I started to feel trapped and discontented.

Why is it that I have to give everything up for everyone? I'm better than this, I need a life. I don't want to be beaten down by living the housewife life. It's so degrading!

Where on earth is this coming from? Just the other day I felt so blessed and thankful to be married and home with my kids. I was finding joy in meeting the many needs of my family. I realized I was under attack from (satan). I don't like to say that too loud because people might think I'm crazy. But seriously, it's the truth.

We've been dealing with a really painful marriage situation involving some people in our church. She is basically walking out on her family because she feels devalued and controlled. She wants friends and a life. Doesn't that sound familiar?

It's a natural reaction for women because all those things that "tie us down" go against our selfish nature. Society tells us we deserve better, it's not enough and we start to believe it. But it's a lie! He calls us to submit and be humble to the calling he's given us. When we surrender ourselves to Him for His purposes is when we will find true joy and peace. I've struggled over the years but I think I finally get it. Die to myself and my selfish desires.

I think it is seeping in from my hearing it talked about it. It is so easy to let those seeds be sown and grow in my heart. They are up and taking root before I even know it. Then I'm right back to being the bitter, angry woman no one wants as a wife or mom. I react angrily to simple questions, I stomp around and wallow in self pity. Mike mentions something I didn't do or forgot and I attack. Sometimes I'm not even mad at them, I'm just mad at the world and taking it out on whoever is available.

The problem with that attitude is that God asks us to serve others more, consider others better than ourselves, be humble and gentle. I think it is part of how He helps us be more like Him and bring Him glory.

Don't let those seeds grow up in your heart. Fill it up with scripture, Christ-like friends and prayer. It's hard to believe just how fast those nasty seeds grow and how damaging they are.

Ephesians 4:1-3
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

Philippians 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

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