Normal

Ahhh, it's the first week in January and as fun as Christmas is, it's always a bit of a relief to get back to "normal". It feels like we put an addition on the house when we get the Christmas tree out every year. New Year's Resolutions (mine is to faithfully blog every day!) and what is it about Rubbermaid bins in January? I just want to buy lots of them and get organized. Nothing makes me happier at this time of the year than putting all my stuff in a plastic box and stacking it in the basement. Mike thinks I am totally insane.

There are not that many times in my life that I have felt really glad to be called normal, but last month I thought it was great. When we had our first ultra sound in December they found a cyst in the baby's brain. My doctor mentioned it and suggested that it might be a sign of Down's Syndrome but wanted us to meet with her partner who is a specialist. So we had two weeks to wonder and think about the what if's and why's.

Times like these are really telling of our faith. I SAY that I want God to be in control of my life and trust him with everything, but when things come up that don't seem to be according to plan I start to realize that actually I want to be in control and that it is difficult to trust God in a path that is uncertain and hard.

How do I give everything over to Him? But as I was thinking about it, I realized that I cannot possibly be in control nor would I want to be. Even if I took my prenatal vitamins every day, only ate organic food, exercised regularly and did absolutely everything "right", ultimately there are still risks involved in pregnancy (and life). We can't control that. So I'm thankful for a faith where I can trust the One who is in control. The path that I would choose wouldn't necessarily be what is best. Most people say they have grown and learned the most through the difficult times in their life and I would have to agree. Is it really walking by faith if I know everything is going to turn out perfectly according to me?

It's been very humbling to realize that I need to rely on Jesus. Even when the future is unclear (and when isn't it?) my job is to honor and glorify God with my life. What better way to show my kids and those around me what the Christian life is truly about than to glorify Him in the good times and the hard times. I haven't had too much experience in this area but the only experience I think I need is that of putting my life in His hands every day, whatever comes my way. That way when the murky unknown path comes, I should just keep doing what I've always been doing.

So, when we had our follow up ultra sound with the "specialist", she said they were actually not looking at Down's Syndrome, but Trisomy 18 which is fatal. But the cyst was gone and there was no heart defect which almost always goes with it. She said it happens that the cysts can resolve themselves because the brain is changing and developing so fast at this stage. Of course, there is always a risk, but she gave us a "normal". No doubt we were relieved, but even more than that I am thankful for God showing me areas where I need to rely on Him. Whatever the outcome of any situation in my life, I will praise and glorify Him. I will follow in faith even when it is foggy and hazy before me. The funny thing is, what other choice do I have? I can trust in the doctors, the ultrasounds, the vitamins, the parenting books; or I can trust in the God of the Universe. It doesn't seem like a hard choice.

I better go pack up my Rubbermaids!

Romans 3:3
What if some did not have faith? Will their lack of faith nullify God's faithfulness?