Life's Not Perfect

Well, it's raining today. And in Minnesota, rain in February usually means ice. The school shut down at 10 this morning so it's kind of nice to have everyone home especially since I am sick and Mike is doing most of the work!

Last week a young family was brought to mind. They are in the early stages of establishing their home. They got married, had two babies and bought a house in a short time. Without coming out and saying it, they seem to believe that their life is and will always be perfect. And they wonder why others can't seem to get it right. There are those first few years you you seem to float along in life and think everything will be perfect. But it seems like for everyone, there comes a point where you run into a problem and realize that the perfect life is not reality.

I ran into that problem several years back. We had marriage issues, money issues and well I just couldn't believe that things weren't working out the way I had dreamed it. We were going to be happy, always have money, have the perfect kids and house. Mike would do whatever it took to please me and life would be good.

Some of my friends have dealt with a depressed husband who can't hold a job, a child with major medical and behavioral issues, infertility, big-time real estate disasters and the list goes on and on.

When those cracks in the armor start getting bigger it can be shocking and horrifying, but when I look back at our own life I think it makes for a deeper bond, a better grasp of life and suffering and it revolutionizes the way we relate to God.

As I was thinking of this person who hasn't hit that point yet and probably won't take it too well, I am envisioning total devastation when perfection can't be reached. I couldn't help but think about my own kids and how to prepare them for life's inevitable disappointments.

As parents we tend to try to make everything "happy" for them. We work hard to involve them in activities, have their friends over, buy them the "right" clothes or toys. And that's mainly because we love them and want to do our best for them, but also because we want them to fit in and protect them from the pain of rejection.

I think preparing them for life's disappointments involves, not purposely disappointing them, but allowing them to feel those naturally and not always trying to fix things. If they are having a problem with a teacher or a friend we need to help them work through it, not ride in a make it go away. If they want to buy something that we can't afford, we can teach about how material things are not the focus of life and the answer to our problems - not necessarily reach for the credit card. There will be mean people. I still deal with mean people in my life now and it's my job to walk them through it, not hide them from it.

And the bottom line is, there will be disappointments and failures we can't stop or fix. I remember when I didn't make the cheerleading squad. The girls who made it got flowers in their first hour class to tell them which sport they were cheering for and I didn't get one. ( If only they could see me swing dance now - ok that would not help.) I heard that there were just too many girls and not enough spots. My parents didn't storm down to the school and demand I be given a spot. It was just one of those tough learning experiences. But you have to have those to learn that not everything is going to go your way.

I also want to teach them to not let fear of failure stop them from trying. That's how we grow. If they learn to have their hearts firmly fixed on Jesus and His perfection, those dissapointments can be bumps in the road not a drive off a cliff.

I want to focus on the idea of having a mature, Christ-loving adult at the end of this journey, not a spoiled brat in an grown-up body who thinks everything should always go their way.

Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ²Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

A Christmas Story

The Sunday after Christmas each year, my pastor (and husband) writes a story instead of a sermon. He gave it to me with a red pen to proof and it was so good I hardly had to mark it. So I thought I would share it with you.

The Day Santa Never Came

http://www.sonlifecommunitychurch.org/ourvoices/sermons/2008-12-24.mp3

Enjoy!

A True Christmas Parable

Merry Christmas Everyone! We had a fun, chaotic day with our family and my extended family. When I was about to put the ham in the oven, I realized the oven was broken. So we grilled it and it turned out fine. I didn't even freak out over plan B. Now Maren is in bed and all the other kids are at the hotel with my parents and sister. I decided to stay home and "clean up".

It's so easy at this time of the year to get wrapped up in materialism. Everyone asks the kids what they want. We try to find things that will make them squeal with joy. In some ways, Christmas opens the door to greediness: things you want, things you didn't get, things you still want to buy.

So now that I am sitting in front of the fire I want to share a story with you. Actually, it's a western!

Out in the middle of nowhere, in ranching land, there lives a wealthy and successful rancher named Bob. He works hard and has acquired lots of land and lots of cattle.

There is another rancher named Charlie, he also works hard but has not acquired the amount of success and wealth as Bob.

One day, a large desirable piece of land came up for auction. It was good, rich pasture smack dab in the middle of Charlie and Bob's land. At the auction, the bidding came down to the two men, both of which desired the land. As the bidding continued, Bob stopped and walked away. People were shocked. Bob's father was mad. He knew his son could have easily doubled the bid and won the land. Most people knew that Bob didn't get outbid, he let the other man have it.

There are some lessons I'm trying to teach my kids:
Some things have higher value than material possesions.
Just because you CAN buy it, doesn't necessarily mean you should.
Humility.

All of which I think are illustrated in this story. Merry Christmas!

Luke 2:13-14

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
"Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

Sticky Gunk

I was cleaning the top of my oven tonight and it's not just because my Mother is coming tomorrow. Okay, actually it is. Since I have very limited counter space and most of the space I do have is usually covered with junk, I tend to use the oven top for food prep. Plus, I let things boil over all the time.

The other day I made a can of tomato soup and it bubbled over. In my haste to feed everyone, I didn't take time to wipe it up. Then I spilled some rice on the same spot. So today, I spent 20 minutes scouring it off. Isn't that just the way it goes?

All those little messes that build up into one massive problem! Why don't I just take the 30 seconds to wipe it up when it's a little mess?

And it reminded me of keeping a short account with God. Dealing with sin daily and asking God for forgiveness before it builds up and becomes a major problem.

And keeping a tab on anger and bitterness that so easily builds up. It seems like in my life it happens little by little, a small offense or off-handed comment that I let fester into a big time grudge. After which every comment or gesture is cause for me to take offense.

Thinking about Christmas and all God has done for me makes me feel like a petty little brat for harboring these feelings. I've been trying to practice asking God for forgiveness daily and asking him to show me areas that need change that I don't even see yet. And asking Him daily to replace my feelings of bitterness, anger or resentment with His love.

The amazing this is that He does it!

Colossians 3:5-17

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all. Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Perspective

I had the opportunity to go to a baby shower last weekend for one of my college friends. I hadn't seen most of the girls since the last baby shower two years ago. My crazy fun roommate was even there from San Diego.

Most of my friends didn't start having kids as early as I did or have as many. So it seems I'm a few years ahead of them in this journey. It was a really good reminder to me of the mission of mommy-hood. They are all in that stage of infant and toddlers running you weary all day. Their sentiments all echoed the same frustrations: You long for a shower, hope to leave the house, feel the need to provide constructive things for them to do, make play dates and actually play with them.

I remember how miserable some of my days were when we had 3 kids in diapers and lived in a little trailer house. I felt as if my life had somehow come to a screeching halt. All I did was change diapers, do dishes (yeah - no dishwasher), do laundry, make food, clean up messes and change diapers. People would tell me how they have such fond memories of those years and just wait until they are teenagers. I always figured at least teenagers leave sometimes!

Now that we have 3 kids in school it seems like I am past that stage. But when I got home I realized I am NOT past that stage. I guess I forgot on the two hour drive that I still have a toddler and preschooler at home. This week I have been literally running frantically between them. Maren wants to sit on the toilet and have me sing to her, she takes off her poopy diapers, she dumps all the stuff out of the pantry and opens some Christmas presents. Annie wants to watch a movie, have a piece of gum, have a story read to her, help me in the kitchen and so on.

I think why it feels different now is the perspective that comes from seeing how fast that time really does go. After getting through it three other times I can laugh more when things go wrong. I'm more laid back about schedule, outings and wearing clothes. I don't try to make things perfect. If they dump out all the flour it can be cleaned up. If they want me to play or be held or read to, I can put my other stuff on hold. It's still frustrating, but it's just not the end of the world.

I've learned that these precious little ones are ours for a short time.

When we go to school or get a job we learn to be outcome based people. What's the result? Where's the profit? It just doesn't happen like that in mothering. At the end of the day we won't necessarily feel like we've accomplished anything. That's hard to accept, especially if a year ago you were getting your masters and working at a challenging and satisfying career.

Teaching kids to love and live like Jesus takes time and relationship. That's what we are building day by day. I'm starting to see a few of the outcomes with my older kids. We have spiritual conversations. I see them being loving to their friends or helping me without being asked. There's a long way to go but now that I have a taste of the results of my painstaking effort, it makes all the little stuff a lot more manageable.

I want to encourage you, especially during this Christmas season, to forget all the hustle and bustle and enjoy the little ones God has given you. After all the whole story of Christmas is about relationship: God sent Jesus to earth so we could have a relationship with Him.

Take time to make cookies together, watch a Christmas special, and play in the snow. When I take time to step out of my "outcome based" mentality, I can truly find the joy in being a Mommy!