I haven't done too well keeping up with my New Year's Resolution of blogging every day, but what can I say? The last few weeks have been a lot about sickness, ear infections and doctor's visits. Abby had another bad bout with her ears and Monday she had tubes put in. It has made such a big difference already.
Mike's been pretty busy these last few weeks. Conferences, retreats, and lot of crises have kept him away from the house a lot. And everyone loves him and misses him and is thrilled when he comes riding home on his white horse to save the day! Now, I'd like to ride in on a white horse and have everyone be happy to see me but that would necesitate me LEAVING! So everyone ignores the fact that I am the one here making lunches, doing laundry, making and going to doctor's appointments, giving medicine that is yucky and dealing with the unpleasant side effects, having the kids' friends over, getting them to scouts and gymnastics. And they wonder why I seem crabby?
When Mike returned from his conference he brought me a book called "Faithful Women and their Extraordinary God" by Noel Piper. I wasn't really that thrilled about a book full of old biographies. The first chapter was about Sarah Edwards who was the wife of Jonathon Edwards, a pastor and great writer and thinker. The subtitle of the chapter was "Faithful in the Mundane". I thought I better read that one - and it was so good and challenging. Sarah Edwards had 11 children in the 1700's, she oversaw everything in the home including the livestock and butchering. She made all their clothes from shearing the sheep to weaving ( I must say that my family would probably be naked if I had to do that). She did everything so that her husband would be freed up to study and write. His writings are still read and valued today. She served God by handling all the mundane household things. She was very well educated and beautiful and probably felt that she had more to offer the world.
It has made me think a lot about how I look at my role. I tend to hate how tied down it has me. I want more glory, I feel like I am better than this. But I think through the story of Sarah Edwards I can see that God wants me to be faithful to taking care of things here so that Mike can be the man God wants him to be. It is easy to want to make Mike into my servant, but I need to focus on being God's servant.
Last week at church was a confirmation of all this. Mike and I had a great prayer time together on Saturday and we were both excited about what God was showing us. Let me tell you, he was on fire Sunday morning (we did NOT get out of church on time) and he was so passionate about everything he was doing and saying. I was proud to be his wife and watch God use him in his role as Pastor. We have a young man in our church leaving for Iraq this weekend. Mike gathered our church family around him and to pray for him. I saw Mike holding back tears as he announced one of our elderly saints had gone home to be with the Lord that morning and praying with passion for those with overwhelming physical and emotional needs.
I hope that I do not let all the mundane things that need to be taken care of in our household stand in the way of that! Could I be doing greater things, riding around on my white horse? I don't think so.
Romans 12:1-2
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer you bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your Spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Thursday, January 18, 2007
The Mommy Test
Last night I was out with some friends eating onion rings and chasing them down with an entire bottle of Tums. Someone mentioned they heard a study that you actually lose 8 percent of your brain cells during pregnancy. Being the math genius that I am, I quickly calculated 8 times 5 is 40! I am only operating at 60 percent! That explains a lot. One of the girls wondered if we might be able to qualify for disability pay?
But then I got this information, I hope it adds a smile to your day! (Then be sure to go on and read My Storm Rages On - it's much more important than this!)
The Mommy Test
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up
something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I
took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?"
my daughter asked. "Because it's been on the ground, you don't
know where its been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I
replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total
admiration and asked, "Mommy, how do you know all this stuff? You
are so smart." I was thinking quickly. "All moms know this stuff.
It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you
be a Mommy."
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but
she was evidently pondering this new information.
"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you
have to be the daddy." "Exactly" I replied back with a big smile
on my face.
But then I got this information, I hope it adds a smile to your day! (Then be sure to go on and read My Storm Rages On - it's much more important than this!)
The Mommy Test
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up
something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I
took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?"
my daughter asked. "Because it's been on the ground, you don't
know where its been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I
replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total
admiration and asked, "Mommy, how do you know all this stuff? You
are so smart." I was thinking quickly. "All moms know this stuff.
It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you
be a Mommy."
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but
she was evidently pondering this new information.
"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you
have to be the daddy." "Exactly" I replied back with a big smile
on my face.
My Storm Rages On
Yesterday at Bible Study we were talking about the book of Job. It seems that it is so easy to love and praise God when things are good, but what happens when things don't go according to plan? This story is from Jenn Johnson, one of my college roommates. It's an honest and emotional account of dealing with their son and his special needs. I'm in awe at how they are dealing with all the difficulties his situation has brought into their family - I think you will be too. So here it is:
My storm rages on.
My eight year old son has uncontrolled seizures. He’s been medicated for six years and still has a few break through seizures every month.
My son has pervasive developmental disorder which is their way of saying he has autistic tendencies, but not quite enough to be diagnosed.
My son struggles to express his thoughts, which makes it hard to have a conversation with him.
My son processes the world differently than most people. I struggle to connect with him or communicate the complicated and subtle social world we live in.
My son feels the world around him is out of control and he fights for control. He has anxiety about new situations. He fights change.
My son is envious of his younger siblings and the privileges they receive because they are able to cope and handle situations that he isn’t able to handle.
My son lashes out and hurts others physically and verbally. He is irrational and unreasonable at times.
My heart breaks.
My heart battles feelings of guilt. Guilt for how I treated my son before I understood his disability. Guilt for wishing some days I didn’t have to deal with him. Guilt for feeling like I neglect my other children. Guilt for feeling selfish because my dream or longing for how my family would function and experience life is not being met. Guilt for thinking I have it hard when I know kids with much worse disabilities. Guilt because sometimes I think, “We could have bought a big screen HDTV with all that money we just spent on therapy.” Guilt for terrible thoughts I’ve had about how life would be easier without him, but then he’ll have a sweet, innocent moment or he’ll come and give me a hug without me asking for one which is so special because there has been a time when due to his sensory defensiveness he pushed our hugs away.
My heart battles feelings of envy. I envy typical families. I envy being able to go on vacations or attend functions with out the stress I feel about my son’s behavior. I envy other eight year old kids who can cope, be more mature, or have typical interests. I envy kids who participate in organized activities: sports, cub scouts, clubs, etc. I am envious of eight year old kids who have friends.
My heart battles feelings of grief. I grieve for my son and for how complicated and confusing life seems to him. I grieve for my dreams for my son. I grieve the typical family that I thought I would raise.
My heart battles feelings of loneliness. No one but my husband knows exactly how I feel.
My heart battles feelings of disappointment. As a parent there is that little part of you that enjoys hearing how your child is like you, I am disappointed because my son is not like me. I liked being involved in things, school was easy for me, I am friendly, etc. He is not like me.
My heart battles feelings of frustration. Even though I do everything I can to be a “good” caregiver and nurturing mom, it is still not working. He is still defiant, legalistic, rude, obsessive, etc. Sometimes I feel others are judging me for how I parent my children.
My heart battles feelings of exhaustion. My son requires a lot of energy.
My heart cries out for answers, for a cure, and for help.
My heavenly Father loves my son more than I can imagine or understand. He has a plan for my son’s life. He chose me to be his mother.
My heavenly Father supports me with loving family and friends who listen, cry, pray, and do everything they can to support us and help us. Even though I feel alone at times… I am not.
My heavenly Father wants me to be more like Him. The lightning in this storm reveals much about my pride, my desires, my sin, and my weaknesses and ultimately draws me closer to Him.
My heavenly Father longs for me to sit on his lap and bring my broken heart to Him.
My heavenly Father never promised me happiness. He promises joy even amidst my storms. I feel hope in knowing that He is in control and promises to work all things for good.
My heavenly Father’s plan may not be the same as mine. Do I trust Him with my storm? YES. I can’t imagine weathering a storm without Him.
Isaiah 25:4
"You have been a refuge for the poor,
a refuge for the needy in his distress,
a shelter from the storm
and a shade from the heat."
My storm rages on.
My eight year old son has uncontrolled seizures. He’s been medicated for six years and still has a few break through seizures every month.
My son has pervasive developmental disorder which is their way of saying he has autistic tendencies, but not quite enough to be diagnosed.
My son struggles to express his thoughts, which makes it hard to have a conversation with him.
My son processes the world differently than most people. I struggle to connect with him or communicate the complicated and subtle social world we live in.
My son feels the world around him is out of control and he fights for control. He has anxiety about new situations. He fights change.
My son is envious of his younger siblings and the privileges they receive because they are able to cope and handle situations that he isn’t able to handle.
My son lashes out and hurts others physically and verbally. He is irrational and unreasonable at times.
My heart breaks.
My heart battles feelings of guilt. Guilt for how I treated my son before I understood his disability. Guilt for wishing some days I didn’t have to deal with him. Guilt for feeling like I neglect my other children. Guilt for feeling selfish because my dream or longing for how my family would function and experience life is not being met. Guilt for thinking I have it hard when I know kids with much worse disabilities. Guilt because sometimes I think, “We could have bought a big screen HDTV with all that money we just spent on therapy.” Guilt for terrible thoughts I’ve had about how life would be easier without him, but then he’ll have a sweet, innocent moment or he’ll come and give me a hug without me asking for one which is so special because there has been a time when due to his sensory defensiveness he pushed our hugs away.
My heart battles feelings of envy. I envy typical families. I envy being able to go on vacations or attend functions with out the stress I feel about my son’s behavior. I envy other eight year old kids who can cope, be more mature, or have typical interests. I envy kids who participate in organized activities: sports, cub scouts, clubs, etc. I am envious of eight year old kids who have friends.
My heart battles feelings of grief. I grieve for my son and for how complicated and confusing life seems to him. I grieve for my dreams for my son. I grieve the typical family that I thought I would raise.
My heart battles feelings of loneliness. No one but my husband knows exactly how I feel.
My heart battles feelings of disappointment. As a parent there is that little part of you that enjoys hearing how your child is like you, I am disappointed because my son is not like me. I liked being involved in things, school was easy for me, I am friendly, etc. He is not like me.
My heart battles feelings of frustration. Even though I do everything I can to be a “good” caregiver and nurturing mom, it is still not working. He is still defiant, legalistic, rude, obsessive, etc. Sometimes I feel others are judging me for how I parent my children.
My heart battles feelings of exhaustion. My son requires a lot of energy.
My heart cries out for answers, for a cure, and for help.
My heavenly Father loves my son more than I can imagine or understand. He has a plan for my son’s life. He chose me to be his mother.
My heavenly Father supports me with loving family and friends who listen, cry, pray, and do everything they can to support us and help us. Even though I feel alone at times… I am not.
My heavenly Father wants me to be more like Him. The lightning in this storm reveals much about my pride, my desires, my sin, and my weaknesses and ultimately draws me closer to Him.
My heavenly Father longs for me to sit on his lap and bring my broken heart to Him.
My heavenly Father never promised me happiness. He promises joy even amidst my storms. I feel hope in knowing that He is in control and promises to work all things for good.
My heavenly Father’s plan may not be the same as mine. Do I trust Him with my storm? YES. I can’t imagine weathering a storm without Him.
Isaiah 25:4
"You have been a refuge for the poor,
a refuge for the needy in his distress,
a shelter from the storm
and a shade from the heat."
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Discipline - It's Not Just For Kids
Just before Christmas we were at an event where Grant and I overheard a frazzled mother trying to get her boys to stop running around and acting crazy. She finally resorted to "Am I going to have to call Santa?" Even Grant thought that was really funny. I just saw her again the other day and the boys were again acting wild. I wonder what she will use to threaten them now that Christmas is 11 months away?
Discipline is something that we think about a lot as parents. We know how important it is for our kids. There are a million and one experts out there with all kinds of opinions, books and advice on what's best - and I doubt that threatening to call Santa is at the top of anyone's list!
Well, I'm no expert on discipline but I think some expert needs to remind me how important it is to be disciplined as an adult, parent and Christian. I was reading 1 Corinthians 9:27 and then I heard it in the the New Living Translation. It says,
"I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise I feel that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified."
There are a lot of days that I don't feel like getting out of bed, making breakfast, making school lunches, doing laundry or getting dressed. I don't want to get up and help Annie put her snow boots on for the 15th time for no apparent reason. I thought I was just tired (and I probably am!)
I don't want to get up early in order to get my devotions in. In fact, I don't want to do them at all. What do I want to do? Take a nap, sleep in, eat some ice cream and watch TV. So life quickly becomes a mess! Nothing gets done, everything and everyone in disarray and I am frustrated.
So I've been thinking about that verse a lot. Have you ever seen someone train for a marathon? I think they are kind of crazy but I bet they have to keep on running even when they are out of breath and their legs feel like rubber. I have to force my body into doing what I have to in order to serve God and my family. It's easy to let feelings of stress and tiredness turn into laziness.
I seriously thought about not having any Bible Studies this spring because it is A LOT of work and I don't feel like doing it. I realized that is the one place outside my family that I really feel like God wants to use me. And it is something I can do at this stage of my life - it's at my house and the kids can be here. But I do have to clean up and make coffee and I'd rather not most mornings!
I know rest is important too. I've been doing some studying on rest and I haven't quite figured it out yet. Maybe I'll have more to write on that in a few days. There are certainly times we must say no. But a lot of times rest seems to be resting in God to meet our needs. Often when I go out on a limb to serve Him, he provides the strength and energy that is needed. And often I end up feeling refreshed from my service. There are also times when God provides extra rest through Mike or a friend helping me out with the kids and giving me a break especially after some service that has been an extra drain on me.
Rest is a part of discipline. When I stay up too late because I want to "relax" I'm not being disciplined. The truth is there are times that I could use for physical rest that I foolishly waste! So obviously there needs to be a balance. But I need to be disciplined in my spiritual life so I don't fall apart and I need to discipline myself to meet the needs of my family even when I don't want to. And if I would be more disciplined, those needs wouldn't pile up and become such a burden to meet (like 10 loads of laundry)!
I'm pretty sure I won't ever become a marathon runner, but with God's help I can keep on doing the things he has called me to. I don't want to try to teach my kids discipline without doing it myself - I think that might disqualify me.
1 Corinthians 9:27
"No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others,
I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."
Proverbs 23:23
"Buy the truth and do not sell it;
get wisdom, discipline and understanding."
Discipline is something that we think about a lot as parents. We know how important it is for our kids. There are a million and one experts out there with all kinds of opinions, books and advice on what's best - and I doubt that threatening to call Santa is at the top of anyone's list!
Well, I'm no expert on discipline but I think some expert needs to remind me how important it is to be disciplined as an adult, parent and Christian. I was reading 1 Corinthians 9:27 and then I heard it in the the New Living Translation. It says,
"I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise I feel that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified."
There are a lot of days that I don't feel like getting out of bed, making breakfast, making school lunches, doing laundry or getting dressed. I don't want to get up and help Annie put her snow boots on for the 15th time for no apparent reason. I thought I was just tired (and I probably am!)
I don't want to get up early in order to get my devotions in. In fact, I don't want to do them at all. What do I want to do? Take a nap, sleep in, eat some ice cream and watch TV. So life quickly becomes a mess! Nothing gets done, everything and everyone in disarray and I am frustrated.
So I've been thinking about that verse a lot. Have you ever seen someone train for a marathon? I think they are kind of crazy but I bet they have to keep on running even when they are out of breath and their legs feel like rubber. I have to force my body into doing what I have to in order to serve God and my family. It's easy to let feelings of stress and tiredness turn into laziness.
I seriously thought about not having any Bible Studies this spring because it is A LOT of work and I don't feel like doing it. I realized that is the one place outside my family that I really feel like God wants to use me. And it is something I can do at this stage of my life - it's at my house and the kids can be here. But I do have to clean up and make coffee and I'd rather not most mornings!
I know rest is important too. I've been doing some studying on rest and I haven't quite figured it out yet. Maybe I'll have more to write on that in a few days. There are certainly times we must say no. But a lot of times rest seems to be resting in God to meet our needs. Often when I go out on a limb to serve Him, he provides the strength and energy that is needed. And often I end up feeling refreshed from my service. There are also times when God provides extra rest through Mike or a friend helping me out with the kids and giving me a break especially after some service that has been an extra drain on me.
Rest is a part of discipline. When I stay up too late because I want to "relax" I'm not being disciplined. The truth is there are times that I could use for physical rest that I foolishly waste! So obviously there needs to be a balance. But I need to be disciplined in my spiritual life so I don't fall apart and I need to discipline myself to meet the needs of my family even when I don't want to. And if I would be more disciplined, those needs wouldn't pile up and become such a burden to meet (like 10 loads of laundry)!
I'm pretty sure I won't ever become a marathon runner, but with God's help I can keep on doing the things he has called me to. I don't want to try to teach my kids discipline without doing it myself - I think that might disqualify me.
1 Corinthians 9:27
"No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others,
I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."
Proverbs 23:23
"Buy the truth and do not sell it;
get wisdom, discipline and understanding."
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Disappointment and Hurt
I consider myself to be a good mother. The kids are one of the top priorities in my life and life does tend to revolve around their needs. I know I will have to help them face and deal with disappointment in their lives. It seems like it will get harder as they get older. I can remember disappointment in my life growing up through friends, missed opportunities, and not making the team. So I guess I have some experience and can empathize. But it never really crossed my mind that I would at times be the CAUSE of disappointment and hurt in their life.
I'm not talking about the kind of hurt or disappointment that comes when you accidentally slam your sons hand in the sliding door of the van. That hurts, but I don't think that physical pain is anything compared to the heart hurt that our kids are exposed to.
One night we were all busily making notecards and Grant got this great idea to make a card for Mike. It was adorable it said, "Merry Christmas, Thank You For Being Our Paster!" He wanted to meet with the Elders of the church to plan to get everyone to sign it. Once he gets an idea in his head there is just no talking him out of it. With all my motherly compassion, I quickly dismissed the idea and swiftly broke his heart. His eyes filled with tears and he didn't want to help anymore and went off to his room. I felt horrible. If I make one of the girls cry it isn't too big of a deal because they do it all the time, but our laid back boy hardly ever has an emotional breakdown. Anyway, we worked it out and he had a plan which I think we all forgot about in the midst of the Christmas frenzy anyway. Nevertheless, It was an eye-opening experience for me.
At times I can be the cause of hurt and disappointment because I am tired, busy or thinking of other things. It is so easy to flippantly put down an idea or story just because it seems insignificant to me and I'm too busy to stop and pay attention. Or at times I get mad and yell over something, like a muddy shoeprint on the floor, that just isn't a big deal. All those times are so frustrating to look back on because usually the kids are just innocent victims of my bad mood or inattentiveness. I realized that I have to pray for help to not act on my emotions. And to not be so into what I am doing or listening to on the radio that what they have to say or need sets me off. (and of course there are times when they need to learn to wait).
There will also be times when I HAVE to cause disappointment. They may want to do something that is wrong or will hurt them. Sometimes leading them towards Christ will require no's that will be disappointing at the time. I have to learn to accept that as the parent I can't just be their buddies and let anything go. That's not what is best for them.
I want to be able to hug them when they are disappointed, hurt with them and encourage them. I want to not disappoint them myself whenever I can. But ultimately I guess I need to teach them to have faith in the One that will never disappoint them. He is never to busy or snaps back because He's in a bad mood. He understands their feelings and thoughts more than anyone else. This is another place where we want to run into Jesus' gracious arms. I think I better do that too because disappointment and hurt do not magically disappear when you turn 21. And I know drawing on His strength is the only way I can attempt to avoid causing those things in my kids.
And Jesus is the only one who can help me deal with my disappointment in myself when I mess up. He is the great healer and comforter which I need a lot of because it seems like I am blowing it all the time. This is such a big job and so important to me, but in order for it to work I need to rest in God's hands. Why I keep trying to do it on my own is beyond me!
Romans 5:3-5
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Psalm 42:5
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
I'm not talking about the kind of hurt or disappointment that comes when you accidentally slam your sons hand in the sliding door of the van. That hurts, but I don't think that physical pain is anything compared to the heart hurt that our kids are exposed to.
One night we were all busily making notecards and Grant got this great idea to make a card for Mike. It was adorable it said, "Merry Christmas, Thank You For Being Our Paster!" He wanted to meet with the Elders of the church to plan to get everyone to sign it. Once he gets an idea in his head there is just no talking him out of it. With all my motherly compassion, I quickly dismissed the idea and swiftly broke his heart. His eyes filled with tears and he didn't want to help anymore and went off to his room. I felt horrible. If I make one of the girls cry it isn't too big of a deal because they do it all the time, but our laid back boy hardly ever has an emotional breakdown. Anyway, we worked it out and he had a plan which I think we all forgot about in the midst of the Christmas frenzy anyway. Nevertheless, It was an eye-opening experience for me.
At times I can be the cause of hurt and disappointment because I am tired, busy or thinking of other things. It is so easy to flippantly put down an idea or story just because it seems insignificant to me and I'm too busy to stop and pay attention. Or at times I get mad and yell over something, like a muddy shoeprint on the floor, that just isn't a big deal. All those times are so frustrating to look back on because usually the kids are just innocent victims of my bad mood or inattentiveness. I realized that I have to pray for help to not act on my emotions. And to not be so into what I am doing or listening to on the radio that what they have to say or need sets me off. (and of course there are times when they need to learn to wait).
There will also be times when I HAVE to cause disappointment. They may want to do something that is wrong or will hurt them. Sometimes leading them towards Christ will require no's that will be disappointing at the time. I have to learn to accept that as the parent I can't just be their buddies and let anything go. That's not what is best for them.
I want to be able to hug them when they are disappointed, hurt with them and encourage them. I want to not disappoint them myself whenever I can. But ultimately I guess I need to teach them to have faith in the One that will never disappoint them. He is never to busy or snaps back because He's in a bad mood. He understands their feelings and thoughts more than anyone else. This is another place where we want to run into Jesus' gracious arms. I think I better do that too because disappointment and hurt do not magically disappear when you turn 21. And I know drawing on His strength is the only way I can attempt to avoid causing those things in my kids.
And Jesus is the only one who can help me deal with my disappointment in myself when I mess up. He is the great healer and comforter which I need a lot of because it seems like I am blowing it all the time. This is such a big job and so important to me, but in order for it to work I need to rest in God's hands. Why I keep trying to do it on my own is beyond me!
Romans 5:3-5
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Psalm 42:5
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
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