(un)Grateful

I love Thanksgiving! And I think I am a grateful person for the most part. I really am thankful that God has provided a wonderful family, a warm house, salvation and all sorts of other things. And who can't be thankful when it is over 50 degrees in Minnesota in late November? The kids played outside with no coats or shoes!

But this year I don't feel very grateful. I'm not sure if it is because of the chaos that consumes most of my life or the fact that I was more excited about the ads for Black Friday in the paper than I was about taking time out to think about being thankful. I realized that I spent most of the day strategizing and thinking about what I want to buy for Christmas.

Now that Thanksgiving is over, we can start worrying about where we'll be for Christmas, how long we should stay, and if everyone will like what we got them. My Dad was saying that when he was young getting a gift was a huge deal because there was less. Now, it is hard to find things to buy for people that they don't already have because we have so much. We can busy ourselves decorating, wrapping presents, baking, going to parties and programs. It will be so busy and crazy that it will just come and go in the blink of an eye and without a thought like Thanksgiving did.

I'm not sure what the answer is, but for me I have to put Christ back in the center of my life and my holidays. Sure, I'll tell you the holidays are all about Christ, but are they? When people watch me do they see the things I'm doing as worship of the Savior? I'm not sure they would.

I'm not going to stop baking or decorating or going to parties. As long as Christ is the center of my life those things all become acts of worship. I kind of hate the dorky saying "Jesus is the Reason for the Season" but it's true! Without him it is all empty. There's a great debate brewing over "Merry Christmas" and the switch to "Happy Holidays". The "Christian" community is saying they are taking Christ out of Christmas. I disagree, I think we are guilty of taking Christ out of Christmas in our hearts - yes, even Christians. Who cares which way you say it. If Christ isn't in your heart you may as well just say Bah Humbug! And on a brief sidenote, I think we are mistaken if we think that we will evangelize the world by forcing our stores and schools to use the word "Christmas". The Christ in Christmas is a matter of the heart! Okay, enough preaching!

We're also going to try to give more this year. We want to remember and help our kids learn that there are people in this world that are needy, they don't have food or houses. There will be no presents for them. We want to get our whole family involved in that kind of giving. It might even mean we have less to spend on our family and friends (who aren't very needy).

I think it is easy for me to let my eyes slip from Jesus and thus let all the joy and meaning of the holidays drain out of my life. What do you do to keep Jesus at the center? Is there anything you need to change?

Isaiah 9:6
"For to us a child is born,
to us a Son is given,
and the government will be upon his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

Go Bug Daddy!

Here's a disclaimer: I think I have mentioned that my husband is a huge help to me around the house and I am really grateful most of the time. But, we were getting ready to leave for our vacation last week. I had a long list of things I wanted to get done running through my mind that morning. Some things were basic: shower, pack, dress the kids, clean up the breakfast mess, fold up a little laundry and leave the house "clean".

Well, Mike had his own list of things to do. Make pancakes, go buy dog food, pay bills (okay I know that one's important), do stuff in the garage etc. While I was still trying to complete the first item on my list (and I felt a shower was pretty important) the kids had a million questions, Abby had packed 10 pairs of pajamas, Annie was raiding the bathroom cabinet and dragging all sorts of interesting things throughout the house, someone couldn't find any clean underwear and all this while I was shaving my legs. I quickly got dressed and started throwing things into suitcases. Everything I put in, Annie took out. I went out to the kitchen to get something and would you believe there was still a mess of syruppy pancake plates and griddles all over? The kids were running around and I was cleaning up (I would have been happy with cereal)!

I looked over and there was Mike sitting in front of the computer with a cup of coffee! Then he proceeded to get up and grab his keys and head off on a dog food run. I was stunned! How can this be? Maybe there is an invisible bubble around Dads, I don't know. And this isn't the first time this has happened. He sits down to read a book and the kids come looking for me. I sit down to read and book and get interrupted so much that I read the first sentence 20 times before giving up. He shuts his eyes on the couch and we all try to be quiet. I shut my eyes on the couch and there are very urgent needs that can't wait. Whatever I am trying to do there is always someone underfoot, talking to me or bugging me. And believe me I have tried to ignore them like Mike does at times, but instead of giving up they just get louder and more demanding.

I want to yell, Go Bug Daddy! or for him to miraculously step in and h-e-l-p! But there are two lessons here. One is that he doesn't always think the things I'm doing are that big of a deal (and I think the same thing about his lists). He doesn't really care if the house is messy when we get home. I do, but I suppose I could learn to let go because when we get home with all our junk it gets messy again anyway. If we had taken a few minutes to talk about things that needed to be done before we left we might have been able to work on things together.

Secondly, this is my life. I'm the Mom. These are probably die to self times that I need to just accept the fact that my life is one big interruption right now.

But sometimes I think we create this problem ourselves. Maybe every little need and question of our kids doesn't need to be answered or attended to right away. I think that is why the kids don't bug Mike because they know I will drop everything and attend to their problem. Ultimately it's another area where I need to live in sacrificial service. It can be really frustrating but it's an area where I need to give over the God. He can help me be more of a servant. And I need His help not letting bitterness and anger towards Mike or the kids grow out of these times. I tend to find myself stomping around and stewing.

And just now I had to stop to help Annie and get her to bed and get Jenna calmed down while I was trying to finish this. Guess where Mike is? On the couch with his book (oblivious!) Come on Michelle, die to self! This is going to be tough!

Philippians 2:3
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit,
but in humility consider others better than yourselves."

Fresh Eyes

I heard on the news that President Bush and Donald Rumsfeld felt it was time for "fresh eyes", meaning fresh perspective, in the war. I realized that God provides me fresh eyes through my kids. In the process of hurrying along through life, kids can slow us down (literally) and help us focus on the joy of life.

On Sunday night during Bible Study it started to snow. All the adults in the room rolled their eyes, dreading driving to work in it and the start of another long, cold Minnesota winter. Well, Monday morning when there was a few inches of fresh snow on the ground the kids were so excited they bounded out of bed and wanted to get out to the bus early so they would have time to play. When we got home that night after dark, they built a snowman, rolled a bunch of snowballs and made a snow fort. They are devestated that with the 45 degree temps today it is all going to melt.

We were running late on our way to gymnastics yesterday only to get stopped by a train in Carlton. I was annoyed - just what we needed! But the kids were excited to see the train. They didn't see it as an inconvenience at all.

I took the three older kids to a play on Saturday night. I was tempted to rush them along, but it was a special night out just for the big kids. Sometimes it is okay to just relax and enjoy the ride.

Sometimes we need fresh eyes in life, especially with our kids. When was the last time you giggled with excitement over the fresh snow and made a snowman or took the opportunity to enjoy the thrill of a passing train (without flipping through the radio stations or making a call on your cell phone)? Those are the moments that I hope to take advantage of with my kids. Just let go of everything else and share the joy with them. Who cares that we were a little late to gymnastics?

I wonder if someday when my kids are older or grown and gone if I will miss having someone sit with me at the train tracks? Or be sad there is no one to make a snowman in our yard and put my scarf on it?

I think I can learn, not only to enjoy my kids and our time together more, but I can also learn to enjoy God more. How else will I learn to slow down and gaze upon His beauty? I think I have some helpers for that right in my own house.

Psalm 27:4
"One thing I ask of the Lord,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple."

The OB/GYN Office

Well, I finally had my first doctor's appointment. I have to go to a new doctor this time and she is located in a brand new building downtown. The waiting room has an awesome view of Lake Superior, pagers that buzz and light up when they are ready for you (like the Olive Garden!) and the lab has leather recliners! I'm not sure there is a more interesting place to watch people than the OB/GYN waiting room!

I could really tell which people were expecting for the first time. They were there TOGETHER and very excitedly reading all the baby and parenting magazines. Plus they had bright eyes and rosy cheecks! I can remember the first couple times I was pregnant: the wonder of a maternity shop with the belly pillows that help you try on clothes before you are showing (now WHY would you want to shop for maternity clothes any earlier than you had to?), the awe of a growing belly, looking forward to each and every doctor's visit and reading every pregnancy and parenting book I could get my hands on.

It became clear that the exuberance and excitement had pretty much all worn off on me by now. The doctor's appointments tend to get in the way of my schedule and take way too long, the only maternity shop I'll probably see this time is a box of old maternity clothes in my basement and my belly has already grown so much over the past four pregnancies that I pretty much look the same. That glowy, excited feeling just isn't there.

Well, I realized yesterday (I had a lot of time to think in the waiting room) that it is really a bummer to let all the touchy feely stuff alone be our guide. Even though pregnancy is definitely different this time, it doesn't mean I should enjoy it any less. Despite it all, I heard the heartbeat of a new little life and got a few hours to myself! How can I not enjoy that! (and I took myself out to McDonald's for lunch after - I am feeling better!)

I think we do that with a lot of things in life. Our marriages just don't have the excitement they did a few years ago (could it be because you have a kid in bed with you half the time and can't carry on a conversation without being interrupted by a little someone?)

And so it goes with our walk with Jesus. When it's not so new anymore and times are tough and it doesn't give us that glowy feeling, well, it just seems to be a burden?

I'm still excited about my marriage even after 10 years. Sure it's different, I don't blush when he walks through the door or get goosebumps when he calls anymore. But you know, in a lot of ways it's way better! The growth we've had together, the things we've been through, the joy of children and ministry have made our relationship a lot deeper and ulitmately that makes it more exciting.

And so it is in my relationship with Jesus. After being a Christian for a while those emotional highs can run low, but at the same time I am glad for all Jesus has taught and brought me through over the years. I don't want to stay a baby Christian or a baby in my marriage or pregnant with my first baby forever. Think of all the things I would be missing out on!

So don't let your enthusiasm fade! Remember the joy you had and keep having it. As we continue to keep growing closer to Christ and closer to our husbands it is only going to get better!

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

Psalm 51:12
"Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."

Beary Special

Abby came home from preschool with a Teddy Bear in her bag. She is the "Beary Special Person" this week. They get to keep the bear and keep a journal of what they do with it. It's a fun thing for the kids. When we were talking about it Abby said, "I'm special now." Mike replied you've always been special!

Isn't that the truth? She has always been precious and special to us and even more so to God. I think she knows that, but there's an interesting comparison to us as women. God thinks we are so special and precious. A lot of us have husbands, children, families and friends who affirm that in our lives. But we don't believe them. Oh sure, on the outside it seems we are special and loved, but on the inside we feel nothing of the sort. We doubt the love of God and our loved ones. We go looking for all sorts of cheesy little teddy bears to make us feel special when we already are treasured.

Whether our "teddy bears" are things, a job, a house, a food, a shopping trip, a fantasy, or a drink; the list could go on. However, it's all foolish in comparison to what we have in Christ! The God of the universe and Savior of the world created us as unique, special people. He gave us a purpose. Why do we look to other things to fill up what God has already provided?

Embrace the beauty of being special to God. Don't let anything or anyone replace it! Anything we try to replace it with is nothing more than a cheap little teddy bear.

Colossians 3:12
"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassions, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."

1 John 3:1
"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!"