Happy

In the last few months, I’ve come to a sad but true realization: it isn’t always best to do anything and everything to make my kids happy.  It’s sad because I L-O-V-E seeing my kids happy.  Deliriously happy.  And doing things that send them to pure bliss.  I might like to let them eat cookies and cookie dough all afternoon.  Or play video games for days on end.  I would like to take them to Disneyworld, let them swim in a sea of candy, go to the world’s largest water park and buy everything their little hearts desire.  Maybe even a whole litter of puppies.  That would make me happy (and broke).   

Happiness however does not always equal good or Godly.  In my own life for example, I am happy when I eat a whole six pack of Hershey bars out of the freezer while watching TV.  But it’s not good when my pants don’t fit and there is no chocolate for S’mores around the campfire.  It would make me happy to go on a credit card shopping spree.  But it wouldn’t be good or Godly when the bill came and I didn’t have the money to pay it.  Just because something makes you happy or feels good doesn’t make it right.  That’s common sense right? 

But that common sense doesn’t translate into my mommy mind and heart.  It just doesn’t add up.  I think I desire to make my kids happy because to me happy and fun and stuff gets substituted for  love and support and approval and all those other emotions I have for them but don’t know how to express. So I have to step back and think about what my goal is in parenting.  Is it to provide fun and happiness?  Well, some of the time, yes.  But mainly?  It’s to raise my kids to love and follow Jesus.  To value others.  To serve.  To give.  I want their lives to be a living testimony to Jesus Christ. 

So I must ask myself the painful and unfun question:  does living for happiness produce that?  Sadly, it does not.  There are things that we face in this world that are difficult.  There are times of suffering and sadness.  Those are times that God uses to mold us and shape us. 

Temporal and worldly happiness does not last.  When it falls flat, we are left to keep searching for the next big thing that will make us feel good again.  The joy we can have in Christ is eternal.  There is a difference between joy and happiness.  Joy is not dependent on our circumstances.  It’s why people that are held hostage can come out smiling and forgiving of their captors.  Their hearts are set on things above, not what is presently going on in their lives.

 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.  Colossians 3:1-3

 

In a child’s life, it might mean not watching certain movie or listening to certain music no matter how popular it is.  It might mean choosing to sit with a child that has no friends even if they’d rather be with others.  It means not having everything we want so we can give to others or learn to rely on Christ more fully.  It might mean we are not accepted or don’t fit in at times.  Those aren’t thing to run away from, those are sacrifices to embrace. 

In my own life some of the hardest times both as a child and an adult was when I learned really important lessons.  I learned to trust Jesus in a deeper way.  I wanted Jesus more than the things in this world. Those lessons don’t come easily and yet there is nothing I want more for my kids.  They usually don’t come through rainbows and unicorns but more likely through blood, sweat and tears. 

It’s essential for my kids to learn that this earth and life is not where our joy is.  We have joy because Jesus died for us and is waiting for us in heaven.  When we have that perspective we realize that the things in this life don’t matter.  Our happiness, comfort, desires pale in comparison to the joy set before us. 

The greek word for joy in the bible is chara.  Here’s how Beth Moore describes chara, “the supernatural result which flows from the glorious discovery of our Lord and Savior in every circumstance where we wish to find Him.”  (Living Beyond Yourself, page 79).  She goes on to say, “Whether we have one eternal thing over which to rejoice, it is enough that we are born again!”  (Living Beyond Yourself, page 75).

Jesus is the ultimate example.  Hebrews 12:1-3 says:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (emphasis mine)

I hope God blesses us with times of happiness as a family.  But more importantly I hope he blesses us with Godliness and holiness.  It may not always be easy, but those things lead to the ultimate happiness; joy and peace in Christ.   That’s what it’s all about. 

 

“You have made known to me the path of life;

you will fill me with joy in your presence,

with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”

Psalm 16:11

One

The first one to go was the big brother

The very next year we sent off another

To school they must go, there is no looking back

The numbers at home were beginning to slack

 

When we had to send off daughter number two (whose Kindergarten pictures are lost– poor middle child! Boo hoo!)

The two left at home didn’t know what to do!

 

 

Now it is time to send out the door

Daughter number three, child number four

 

I don’t usually cry as the bus passes by

but as each year gets a little harder, don’t ask me why

 

When the dust settles and morning is done

The bus will roll away

 

leaving just one

Worthy

I've had to write about forgiveness before. It might be because it's an important topic. It might also be because I am not very good at it.

One of the things we've changed in our ministry is that I am doing a lot more with Mike. My favorite might be premarital counseling. I love talking weddings and getting to know the couples. This summer is the first time I have sat through every single session. I think the hardest one for me, by far, was forgiveness. Even harder than submission. Ha!

There are some things and people I just don't want to forgive. I am not a mean ogre. I feel like the unforgiveness in my heart is justified. It needs no explanation. No one would argue that I have been hurt. It is obvious that forgiveness is not deserved and they are not worthy.

It feels good to hold on to that; the grudge, the upper hand. Doesn't it?

I was reminded of the sad state of my heart while we were talking about forgiveness. I think I forgot that great moment in history when Jesus died for the forgiveness of my sins.

Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him!
Romans 5:7-9

Jesus forgave me while I was still a sinner. In case I have you fooled, I am a dirty rotten sinner. I am unworthy of forgiveness. Is it a step of faith then to forgive others no matter how unworthy they might be? Maybe they will never ask for forgiveness. They definitely may not deserve it. It doesn't matter.

It's not my job to declare people worthy. It's my job to follow Jesus. It's my desire to be like him. In faith, I must forgive. Without judgment or begging, but offering it freely out of love.

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.
Colossians 3:12-14 The Message, emphasis added

I wish I could have grasped on to that earlier in my life. But I'm glad God is teaching me about it now. There are so many people whose lives are ruined, relationships severed, families divided because they cannot bring themselves to forgive. The hurt is too great. There is money involved. The years roll on and it just gets worse. I desperately don't want my family to end up like that.

My kids have been squabbling a lot the last few weeks. I say squabble because that sounds a lot better than to say they are fighting and I'm worried someone is going to get hurt. I might lose my mind. I've not been at 100% and there has been a lot going on. My kids are pretty spirited. I'm so happy for you if yours aren't. Maybe yours would never do the things mine do. I don't want them to just get over it. They need to learn and practice forgiveness. In faith, forgive as the Lord forgave you. Even if the hair puller doesn't deserve it.

God's plan for fixing the destroyed and broken relationship with humans was to send His Son to take my punishment and broker forgiveness. That wasn't easy. Jesus had to suffer and die for that. The answer to our broken relationships is forgiveness too. It won't be easy. It will take selfless sacrifice.

It's an act of faith. Do you believe that you are worthy of Jesus' forgiveness? He did it anyway. Go and do likewise.

'Tis the Season

Everyone knows that as Christmas approaches women kick it into high gear: shopping, baking, wrapping, decorating and parties. They have lists and lists. Some wake up early to shop on black Friday. Cell phones buzz as they talk about deals and traditions and gifts. Large groups of women gather to bake cookies. Men don't understand that. They try to ignore it or just watch a lot of football.

Well, there's another season coming. This one is different. Male social circles are buzzing. Men I didn't realize even knew how to use a phone are calling about arrows and bows. Camouflage things are being created.















Men are gathering around targets. Camouflage coats and masks are being aired out. For weeks. To get rid of the scent. Really, do your clothes smell that bad?















That's right it's time for hunting. As much as Mike doesn't understand my compulsion to make everything perfect for Christmas, I do not understand hunting. Why would you choose to walk into the woods in the dark and sit in a tree stand in the freezing cold to bring home a bunch of meat that no one really likes. Seriously, who likes venison? (Ok, I do a little bit now). I know Pa Ingalls did it but I'm pretty sure they didn't have perfectly good meat at Super One Foods.

I may not understand but I'm just going to go with it. Man time in the woods and a freezer full of meat is worth a lot. And I don't want to hear one word when I get up at 4:00 a.m. to forge my way into the cold, fight the crowds and go shopping on Black Friday. I may, in fact, have to air my own clothes out after that. It may even be a benefit to wear a little camo that day.

To each his own.

Decades

I love having a son.  I would have been happy to have five boys.  If you don’t believe me, ask Mike.  I told him exactly that when we were driving home from the hospital with Grant.  I remember just where we were on the road when I said it too.  I wanted a girl too but I thought maybe that was too much to hope for.  And maybe I didn’t really deserve it.  So I was quite astonished and a little nervous when God blessed me with one anyway.

Today Jenna turned 10 and of course I remember the day she was born.  She was overdue and it was August.  It was not a nice cool and breezy August day like today is.  When she was born she was a chunky 8 pounds, 8 ounces but she was sick and spent some time in the NICU.  It was my hardest delivery and I felt pretty yucky. 

When I finally got down to see her in the NICU the next day, there she was laying in her little isolette.  My daughter. What would I do with a daughter?  How on earth could I be a good enough example for her and train her to be a Godly woman? I said her name after I sat down next to her and she turned her head and looked at me.  Coincidence?  Newborn reflexes?  Maybe.  In my heart though I relished the fact that she knew my voice. 

Nursing didn’t go very well with her and only lasted about three days.  Being bottle fed, she bonded to Daddy who helped feed her a lot.  The years of her babyhood were a little difficult: marriage tensions, money struggles and pregnancy again.  Soon there were three more sisters to raise.  Sometimes I look back and my memories are kind of blurry.  I don’t have a lot of pictures.  I wonder if I did a good job with my first little girl.  Maybe I didn’t deserve her after all.

I dressed her up in pink dresses as the mother of every baby girl does. 

 

The minute she started crawling, she hated it.  She screamed and cried at the road block in her movement.  She still doesn’t like dresses or brushing her hair.  Maybe I was trying to put her in a box that I dreamt up myself.  Something I thought my daughter should be.  As much as I like things my way (as does she), it’s been so much better to watch her grow into just what God wants her to be.

She may not like dresses, but she’s beautiful.  She’s independent and kind of like a puppy; endless energy, playful and loyal.  When Abby was born we put bunk beds up for Grant and Jenna.  We were trying to teach Grant to climb up over the ladder.  After several unsuccessful attempts, we left the room.  A few minutes later we heard Jenna yelling to us.  Mike told me I better come in there.  And there was Jenna, smiling and proud as a peacock sitting on the top bunk.  She may have been paying attention to the climbing lessons but I think she was just born part monkey. 

I’m really enjoying this stage, watching her learn and discover her love for sports.  Forcing her to practice the piano.  Helping her learn to love her sisters and be a good friend.

I don’t think I let those years slip away even if I sometimes feel like I did  Looking back at pictures does help me remember the fun things we did and the sweet moments when we had.  I can’t go back and change the way things were or the things I didn’t or wasn’t able to do.  But I keep thinking about another decade.  In another decade she’ll be 20.  That’s how old I was when I was engaged.  The next decade will bring lots of new things and new challenges and new joys.  It’s scary to see so much of yourself in one of your kids.  I hope those things will help bring us together.  Even our eating habits.

 

 

How can I make my time with her count?  I don’t want to look back when she’s 20 and wonder what I could’ve done different but I suppose there is no way to avoid that.  All we can do is rely on God to give us wisdom and strength, do the best with what we have, find joy in every day and love them for who God made them to be. 

That’s what I intend to do over the next decade.  With Jenna and all my kids.