Not Good at Love

Mike told me about a lively discussion at a prayer service planning meeting. One man suggested that they should be thankful for certain leaders of our country because the Bible tells us to. Some of the people in the room looked like they were about to fall off their chairs or go into cardiac arrest. Thankful for our non-republican leaders? How could good Christians do a thing like that? If we are opposed to that then we may want to rethink basing prayer meetings on a verse like 1 Timothy 2:1-2.

"I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone - for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness."

The guy was right, it does say to be thankful for everyone. A verse God brought to Mike's mind was from the love chapter in 1 Corinthians 13.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

I know, blah, blah. I have heard that chapter read at about 100 million weddings. But when I studied Corinthians a few years ago I learned something. The placement of that chapter is encouraging the people in Corinth to love each because they are spending all their time and energy fighting over which spiritual gifts are better. Seriously. Why does this happen in the church. We keep fighting over things that allow us to lose focus on the message of Christ.

Who am I not loving? I've been thinking about that this morning. The answer is stunning. I should be good at love. I am a Christian, a wife, a mother and a friend. But trust me I am not good at love. I have been keeping records of wrong. I have been easily angered. I have been rude and selfish.

So let me ask, who are you unable to love? Are you keeping score?

Political leaders that make decisions you don't agree with?
Love keeps no record of wrongs.

Family members, mother in laws, who are strange, overbearing or don't care?
Love keeps no record of wrongs.

Husbands who leave their clothes on the floor or worse?
Love keeps no record of wrongs.

Kids that have a strong will or make bad choices or are constantly demanding our time?
Love keeps no record of wrongs.

Church leadership that does things differently that you would?
Love keeps no record of wrongs.

Christians should be the best at love. We follow the God who is love. Do you think that's what the world sees when they look at Christians? Is is what others see when they look at you?

If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.

1 John 4:15-16

In My Future

Five or six years ago I was shopping with my sister in a big mall by her house. This was before our discovery and love affair with thrift stores. We were floating from section to section in a department store when all of a sudden to my horror, I found myself holding an Alfred Dunner shirt. I had recently learned that Alfred was my Grandmother's favorite brand. It's all nice and classy for someone in their 80's but I wasn't even 30 yet!

I made a beeline for a trendier store with talking mannequins in their commercials. You can't go wrong, everything there is trendy. No accidentally walking into the old lady section. I have bought things there over the years or that brand at the thrift store. The other day, I tried on some capri pants there. I couldn't figure out what the problem was. They were cute and on sale but they were too low. My whole "I've had five babies" belly tumbled right over the top. I got a shirt but quickly ran away from the pants.

Earlier this year I discovered another store. They have jeans that are cut for someone over the age of 21. Their extra larges are not too small. I found some capri pants there. They are black! And they have these tummy panels that hold in said belly. I love them. I really, really love them.

But it got me thinking, I'm on a slippery slope. Alfred Dunner is in my future.

Do I Trust You?

We just spent a few days at a water park with our kids. My husband generally hates those places. They are loud and crowded and wet. But when we were on our trip in February, I could tell he desperately missed the kids when he suggested taking them to exactly the place he loathes!

You know, it is getting easier to be away with the kids. Most of them know how to swim, sleep in a bed and use the toilet. We didn't bring a stroller or pack-n-play. I didn't have to wear a maternity or nursing swim suit. So a good time was had by all.

I'm not really the kind of girl who spends a lot of time hating how I look. I really don't. While there are certainly plenty of things that could be better, there are a lot of things that could be worse too. But after having kids, getting older and having no time to care for yourself, even the hardiest of us can start to feel a little less than enthusiastic about spending large amounts of time in a swimsuit.

I realized all this while in the hotel one night. The kids were all tucked in beds and couches and couch cushions. My husband told me he thinks I'm beautiful. When I was in the bathroom I started to doubt him. Could he really think that? He's either lying or he's an idiot. I'm not beautiful. There are plenty of women that wear a swimsuit or jeans better than I do.

So I found myself not trusting my husband. And that is not right. Maybe he does love me and find me attractive. He chose to marry me. That doubt does not come from his words or intentions, but from my heart.

When I was a little girl, I never doubted that I was pretty or loved. But as I grew up the assault began. Did you feel it? You noticed other girls that were cuter and made sure you knew it and magazines with picture perfect models. There are those days and times that I feel absolutely hideous. Fat. Ugly. Gross. And our minds instantly wonder could anyone really love this?

Those thoughts nudged my heart toward my trust in Christ. There is no need to doubt God's love. He sent His son to die for me. Jesus says He loves me and chooses me. He made me perfect.

"For this reason Christ is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance - now that he has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant." Hebrews 9:15

Yet I doubt Him all the time. When I go through those times of self hate, I am doubting Him and His creativity (Psalm 139:13-14). It's really quite selfish of me. When I think I am a no good failure, I am doubting His promise that he created me for a purpose. (Jeremiah 29:11) If I can't trust His love what else do I doubt? Do I doubt he forgives me? Do I believe that He is coming again?

How could I not trust the love of my creator? Maybe it's because I can't see him or feel him. But I don't think that's it because I can see and feel my husband. I think it's a deep hole in my heart. It's a hole that can only be filled in heaven. On this earth there will be pain and imperfection as a result of living in a sinful, fallen world. But in heaven, we'll be exactly the perfect creation God intended us to be. We'll be with Jesus and hear His voice. The hole will be filled.

I want my girls to be able to grow up unscathed by the doubt and self-hate but I don't know if that is possible in this world. I'm encouraged by the thought of taking those feelings and filling up the hole in our hearts with God's perfect love for us. Then we'll trust Him in a new way, on a deeper level. And that's what it's all about.


Do I Trust You, Lord?
by Twila Paris

Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the robin sing?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does it rain in spring?
You can see my heart
You can read my mind
And You've got to know I would rather die
Than to lose my faith in the One I love
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?

I will trust You, Lord
When I don't know why
I will trust You, Lord
Till the day I die
I will trust You, Lord
When I'm blind with pain
You were God before, and You'll never change

What's So Good About It?

There is no greater holiday for me than Easter. I love celebrating that Jesus rose from the grave and conquered sin. But tonight as we go to our Good Friday Service, I have this odd desire to celebrate his suffering and death. Why would I celebrate such a thing? There's no colorful eggs or fluffy bunnies. What's so good about Good Friday?

We don't like suffering. It's bad. It hurts. I never even saw the movie The Passion of the Christ because I just don't want to go there. But there is a reason and purpose behind suffering. Jesus' suffering provided forgiveness and salvation. Our sins are washed away. Gone.

"Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation -"
Colossians 1:21-22

What about my suffering? As I come to terms with the depth and magnitude of sin in my life, it hurts to think about the suffering Jesus went through because of me. He knew all the evil that would come out of my heart and died with that in sight. It was a long, grueling and humiliating process. When I am faced with the reality of my sin, His sacrifice is even a bigger cause for celebration.

My suffering has a purpose too. It helps me identify with Christ. It produces perseverance and maturity. As I look back at the last few months of my life I can honestly say that I'm thankful. I'm thankful for God's correction. Through hard times He has shown me things I otherwise would not know. Maybe there is good in suffering. That might be the "good" in Good Friday.

Jesus willingly went to the cross because he knew I would hate, be jealous, gossip, lie, and cheat. He knows all those things about me and still willingly died to set me free. For a lot of years I wanted to pretend like I didn't sin. I didn't really do anything that bad. Come on, I'm a church girl.

Pretending to be good only soiled Jesus' amazing sacrifice. If I'm pretty good, then His suffering is worth nothing. And that is wrong. So I'm looking forward to celebrating this night. Remembering what He did for me. Through my sin, He is glorified because of his perfection. He is magnified through my shortfalls. He is alive through God's power. And He's waiting for me with open arms.

O sacred Head, now wounded,
with grief and shame weighed down,
now scornfully surrounded
with thorns, thine only crown:
how pale thou art with anguish,
with sore abuse and scorn!
How does that visage languish
which once was bright as morn!

What thou, my Lord, has suffered
was all for sinners' gain;
mine, mine was the transgression,
but thine the deadly pain.
Lo, here I fall, my Savior!
'Tis I deserve thy place;
look on me with thy favor,
vouchsafe to me thy grace.

What language shall I borrow
to thank thee, dearest friend,
for this thy dying sorrow,
thy pity without end?
O make me thine forever;
and should I fainting be,
Lord, let me never, never
outlive my love for thee.

"Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord.
"Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool"
Isaiah 1:18

In a Tough Spot

After Mike and I had been dating for a while and there was talk of rings, I went to Wyoming to meet his family. We stopped at his sister's house and met his nieces and nephew. I didn't have any yet so they are pretty special to me.

I have some great memories of Jacque. She is a girl that is full of life and spunk. I remember her walking around looking for worms in her underwear and cowboy boots while we were camping. A few years later at a family wedding, we were getting into their van and she was all dressed up in her homemade cowgirl shirt. Her little voice came from the back of the van, "Turn on the country music Mom!".

I love those kids even though I don't see them very often. Jacque is 17 now. And I did ask her permission to write about her. I'm not sure she'll appreciate the underwear story though! Last spring she got pregnant. I honestly struggled with how to respond. My kids are getting old enough now to understand that she isn't married. Kids see things so black and white. How do you explain that we love her and the baby and are happy she chose to have the baby but at the same time teach that it isn't God's plan? Because we do love her and baby Rylie a lot.

Having been a Christian all my life, I find it pretty easy to stand in judgment. It helps me boost my goodness by really being sad and shocked over someone else's not so good stuff. Or I can just shake my head and do a "that's so sad, tsk, tsk, tsk". Church people are good at hiding their sins or doing things that won't be found out. I totally include myself in that category.

But I don't think that's the way Jesus would respond. Certainly sin is serious business. God cannot look at sin. There is a place for rebuke and judgment. But once someone has repented, there is only a place for forgiveness, grace and compassion. And may I boldly say that even without repentance, there is always a place for grace. Because He knows we are all sinners.

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." Romans 3:23-24

In John 8 there is a great example of Jesus' compassion. He is brought a woman who was caught in the act of adultery. The pharisees were ready to stone her. The wanted to trap Jesus with the Old Testament law. They figured he was going to look bad either way.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up, and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

"No one, sir", she said.

"Then neither do I condemn you", Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."
John 8:6-11

There are plenty of stories of Jesus reaching out and loving those the "church" would not. Zaccheus, the cheating tax collector in Luke 19 and the Samaritan woman in John 4 just to name a few. That's why he came. That's why he died.

In my grown up life as I've gone through tough times, I am realizing that what people in a tough spot need is not judgment, punishment or the cold shoulder. What they need is compassion. Compassion goes a step beyond love. Compassion is the deep awareness of someone's suffering with the desire to alleviate it.

They need people to reach out and support them. I have had friends come along side me not to take away the pain and suffering, but to hurt, suffer and listen. People who are hurting need Christians to be Jesus to them. I hope Jacque felt the love and support that we had in our hearts for her. But I wish I would have done more. It would be better to err on the side of obnoxious support than silent neglect.

Looking back I realize there are a lot of times I have missed the boat. I have friends that have been through divorce and are single parenting, the loss of a child, long term separation from their children and I haven't reached out. It's awkward. I'm busy. I've offered services instead of support. I've tried to do things, instead of just be there.

There's nothing you need more when you are in a tough spot than compassion. And there's no one better to give it than me. I don't want my kids to miss the message of grace and compassion. Compassion that not only makes them feel for others, but moves them to act on it.