In a Tough Spot

After Mike and I had been dating for a while and there was talk of rings, I went to Wyoming to meet his family. We stopped at his sister's house and met his nieces and nephew. I didn't have any yet so they are pretty special to me.

I have some great memories of Jacque. She is a girl that is full of life and spunk. I remember her walking around looking for worms in her underwear and cowboy boots while we were camping. A few years later at a family wedding, we were getting into their van and she was all dressed up in her homemade cowgirl shirt. Her little voice came from the back of the van, "Turn on the country music Mom!".

I love those kids even though I don't see them very often. Jacque is 17 now. And I did ask her permission to write about her. I'm not sure she'll appreciate the underwear story though! Last spring she got pregnant. I honestly struggled with how to respond. My kids are getting old enough now to understand that she isn't married. Kids see things so black and white. How do you explain that we love her and the baby and are happy she chose to have the baby but at the same time teach that it isn't God's plan? Because we do love her and baby Rylie a lot.

Having been a Christian all my life, I find it pretty easy to stand in judgment. It helps me boost my goodness by really being sad and shocked over someone else's not so good stuff. Or I can just shake my head and do a "that's so sad, tsk, tsk, tsk". Church people are good at hiding their sins or doing things that won't be found out. I totally include myself in that category.

But I don't think that's the way Jesus would respond. Certainly sin is serious business. God cannot look at sin. There is a place for rebuke and judgment. But once someone has repented, there is only a place for forgiveness, grace and compassion. And may I boldly say that even without repentance, there is always a place for grace. Because He knows we are all sinners.

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." Romans 3:23-24

In John 8 there is a great example of Jesus' compassion. He is brought a woman who was caught in the act of adultery. The pharisees were ready to stone her. The wanted to trap Jesus with the Old Testament law. They figured he was going to look bad either way.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up, and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

"No one, sir", she said.

"Then neither do I condemn you", Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."
John 8:6-11

There are plenty of stories of Jesus reaching out and loving those the "church" would not. Zaccheus, the cheating tax collector in Luke 19 and the Samaritan woman in John 4 just to name a few. That's why he came. That's why he died.

In my grown up life as I've gone through tough times, I am realizing that what people in a tough spot need is not judgment, punishment or the cold shoulder. What they need is compassion. Compassion goes a step beyond love. Compassion is the deep awareness of someone's suffering with the desire to alleviate it.

They need people to reach out and support them. I have had friends come along side me not to take away the pain and suffering, but to hurt, suffer and listen. People who are hurting need Christians to be Jesus to them. I hope Jacque felt the love and support that we had in our hearts for her. But I wish I would have done more. It would be better to err on the side of obnoxious support than silent neglect.

Looking back I realize there are a lot of times I have missed the boat. I have friends that have been through divorce and are single parenting, the loss of a child, long term separation from their children and I haven't reached out. It's awkward. I'm busy. I've offered services instead of support. I've tried to do things, instead of just be there.

There's nothing you need more when you are in a tough spot than compassion. And there's no one better to give it than me. I don't want my kids to miss the message of grace and compassion. Compassion that not only makes them feel for others, but moves them to act on it.

Day 81

When I checked my email this morning I could not believe it was day 81. It was going to be different this time. I was going to keep up and follow through.

I heard about The Bible in 90 Days challenge at Christmas. The reading plan is designed to give you a big picture view of the work of God through the Bible. It really does too. Reading straight through the Old Testament in a short amount of time does make things come together. I thought it would be a great way for me to get out of my funk, have direction in my quiet time and learn a lot.

I was telling my Grandma about my plans in January. At 89 years old, she doesn't mince words. She said I've read the Bible cover to cover many times and I don't know why you'd want to do it that way! It kind of took the wind out of my sails. But I was still determined.

I plunged in whole heartedly, happily checking off each day's box. Guess where I am on Day 81 when I should be in Romans? I'm on day 45, right at the end of Psalms.

Because what I didn't know was that in the middle of January a lot of things would change in my life, the details of which I am still planning to share. With all that was going on, I couldn't keep up on my reading and I felt like I failed. I failed God again.

As usual, my Grandma was right. God doesn't have a timeline. His plan and sovereignty are bigger than my schedule. He knew exactly where I would be in January 2010. He knew what I would need. Each day as I have trudged along with my reading, I have encountered verses that were just what I needed for that day. Verses containing truths that transformed my thinking. Sometimes I've needed to take extra time to think about what those verses really mean and couldn't plow through all the chapters.

Especially meaningful for me was the consistent grace and forgiveness God offered the Israelites and this verse in Psalms when I needed patience and perspective.

"For a thousand years in your sight
are like a day that has just gone by,
or like a watch in the night."
Psalm 90:4

Instead of being down and frustrated, I think I need to rejoice in God's plan. It's easy to become rigid and legalistic about the things we want or feel like we should do. Even though my plan would seem good to anyone, except apparently my Grandma, it didn't seem to be in God's plan.

Surprisingly I haven't given up. I'm continuing on with my reading. I know that this is where I should be: in His word. It just might end up being the Bible in 120 or 180 days for me. And if that's the timing God has for me, I wouldn't want it any other way.

Don’t Quit

When my kids want to give up on something I always give them the good motherly lecture about completing things. Piano lessons is a great example. They hate it and they hate practicing. I tell them the importance of sticking to a task no matter how hard it is. I remind them of the joy of knowing you saw something through to the end. And I know I’m right because I’m the Mom. And because we need pianists in our church.

But sticking with things is hard. Yesterday I wanted to give up. I was tired, hurt and had lost heart. I hate difficulty so much that it seemed easier to quit and walk away. I was too tired to think about things logically. If I did, I would realize that just because the road I’m on is hard, doesn’t mean another one will be easier.

The word that I found yesterday was perseverance. Perseverance is the patient endurance of hardship. It’s talked about a lot in the Bible because God does not promise us an easy life. He promises us hardship and times of testing. It’s really no fun. That comes as a rude awakening to me because I grew up in happy Christian land. Since I follow Jesus everything should be great.

So why should I persevere? And where is God? Has he turned his back for a while? I could stick it out until I feel better. But there are no promises of anything getting better in this life. Ever. So it’s not stick it out because it will be ok. It’s stick it out because God is at work in you. Unseen changes in your heart and life are what He’s after.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Really? God is less concerned about my happiness than the condition of my heart? He might allow hard things to make me cling to Him, hope for His return, become less prideful, become a better wife and mother? Those heart changes are unseen things. Until you start to act on them. Maybe you forgive someone, or reach out to someone in need. Then the hardship is producing maturity.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4

When we face the tough times, perseverance must finish its work so that we can be mature and complete in Christ. Without hardship I would be a flabby Christian and trust me, I’m flabby enough already. Why would we care about the hurting if we had never been hurt?

So then I realize that there is joy in the hard times because of the work God does in us. I can look back over my life and wish things didn’t have to be hard or change but I cannot wish that I was the person I used to be. I’m so thankful for where He’s brought me and the things He’s shown me.

And as I try to help my kids persevere they need to see that God is working in them. The point isn’t just to hold out until it gets better. We need to hold on until Jesus finishes the work. That may not even come in this life. But then we won’t be lacking anything. We may have less, we may be weary, we may have had pain but we will have Christ. And after persevering through tough times for a while, that’s the only thing that matters.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangle, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” Hebrews 12:1

Signs of Life

Winter is long in the north

very very long

 

It’s easy to wonder if spring will ever come

 

The snow has been melting fast

turning fields into lakes

 

 

The first walk as winter fades

 

feels like it could wash all your troubles away

the warmth of the sun shines straight into your heart

 

Climbing on rocks and throwing sticks

 

 

Hoping to see a coming ship

 

 

 

 

As the dirty and dingy snow disappears on the ground

underneath signs of life can be found

 

Sometimes I forget that God can wash away

the winter in our hearts, it is not here to stay

 

God’s love and forgiveness are more powerful than the sun

to melt away damage in our hearts that’s been done

 

And underneath all the snow, dirt and yuck

there’s patches of green, we don’t need to be stuck

 

New growth brings hope

Signs of life

Lessons from the Swimming Pool

We spend a lot of time swimming at our school's pool. This weekend there was an end-of-swimming lesson family swim. A dad was out in the deep end catching his daughter off the diving board. There's nothing unusual about that. The kids learn to jump to a noodle. This time, the little girl missed it.

Things can happen so fast in the water. Even little kids hit you with a greater force from the diving board than you might expect. It quickly became apparent that they were in trouble.

There was the lifeguard in charge on the deck. She only calmly watched as the young lifeguard on the stand wasted no time. He jumped in and brought them to safety. She seemed totally confident that he would do his job.

There was another man in the pool helping. He was just another Dad, who also happens to be an EMT, swimming with his kids. He did not have the dramatic jump from the high chair of the rescue. But what he did was even more dramatic. He went over, scooped the scared little girl up in his arms and held her. He sat with her next to the dad for a long time.

I've never seen such a dramatic picture of what God the Father, Jesus His son and the Holy Spirit do for us. When we are sinking and overwhelmed, Jesus rescues us. It's hard to ask for help, but when you have no other options there is nothing better than a savior coming to your rescue. You don't need a helper or a friend, you need someone to save you. That's Jesus.

"The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven." Hebrews 1:3

After the rescue though, we aren't just left laying breathless on the edge. The Holy Spirit comes in and comforts us. He wraps his arms around us and walks with us through the recovery.

"Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you. And when he comes, he will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment: concerning sin, because they do not believe in me; concerning righteousness, because I go to the Father, and you will see me no longer; concerning judgment, because the ruler of this world is judged." John 16:7-11 ESV

God is watching it all. His plan for saving us has been set in motion. He does not have to panic to respond because he knows what is coming.

"He determines the number of stars
and calls them each by name.
Great is our Lord and mighty in power,
his understanding has no limit."
Psalm 147:4-5

I'm so thankful for the picture of the watching, rescue and recovery that day. The loving plans of God, the sacrifice of Jesus and the comfort of the Holy Spirit. At the times in my life where I feel like I'm wandering, God has a plan. When I feel like I'm sinking, Jesus saves. When I feel disillusioned and discouraged, the Holy Spirit brings comfort.

I don't want to think about what would have happened that day had the lifeguards and EMT not been there, or had they not cared. The results would have been horrific.

God offers his saving grace and love to all of us. We don't have to navigate the waves of sin, hurt, anger or disappointment alone. Why do we try to?