I've been mulling things over in my mind over the past few days, or at least that's what my status on Facebook says I am doing. I am not a contemplative person usually so it makes me feel like I should go find a tree to sit under and wear something made of tweed. However, it's really cold and snowy outside so for now I will have to settle for a chair and a pair of jeans.
I am doing a Bible study on first and second Corinthians and have been trying to follow the life of Paul and figure out what he did and when. It would be a lot easier if I had been a better student at Northwestern College. But one thing is for sure, he had it rough: travel, shipwrecks, arrests, beatings, persecution, churches mad at him, accusations that he was not a "true" apostle plus a thorn in the flesh. Paul was not unfamiliar with suffering!
Over and over I am reminded and praying for the trials we face. And for some people it just doesn't seem to quit and I wonder how much they can take. It's hard to figure how we serve the God of all creation yet he lets his children wallow in suffering. In my mind, when we encounter difficulties we should pray and He should fix it. He says He wants what is best for us and that should be an easy and comfortable life - right?
In 2 Corinthains 1:3-7 Paul talks about God's comfort in suffering. And I am starting to realize that God wants to reach us through our suffering. When we suffer and receive comfort from Him, that comfort spills over from us and onto others and produces a patient endurance in us. This is a whole new idea to me and one that needs to be mulled over a lot more!
2 Corinthians 1:3-7
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurace of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
Awesome!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Walmart Wisdom
I've been very careful about my shopping and errands over the last year because Maren has been an absolute bear to take along. She is prone to screaming and crying fits, doesn't want to sit in the cart or stroller, and she also does not appreciate being strapped in her car seat. So I go do my stuff at night when I can go without her. It's better for everyone that way.
Last week, I had a whole days worth of errands to run. I had to bring the girls along, there was no way around it. We left at 9 a.m. and got home just before the kids got off the bus at 3:30. We went to the grocery store, we stopped to see Mike at his "remote office" which is his favorite coffee shop. From there we had books to return at the library and decided to stay for storytime. We had to pick up some papers at the doctor's office and get groceries. We went to Wendy's for lunch, then to Wal-Mart before stopping at the courthouse for more papers. I am happy to say we made it through all that with only one crying fit. And the picture shows what happened at Wal-Mart. She fell asleep in the cart. I was so happy!
I feel I should state upfront how much I hate Wal-Mart. But as one of my friends says it's like a dirty addiction, you hate it but you can't stop. As I was checking out the cashier commented on Maren sleeping. I made some comment about how that's better for everyone because she is not a good shopper and likes to scream in stores. She proceeded to give me some unsolicited parenting advice about how she handles her two year old. She tells him on the way what she is going to expect of him and then if he starts to act up she pulls him out of the cart and takes him directly to the car. She didn't specify what happens when they get to the car, but he usually straightens out by then.
So there I was the married mother of five children getting a parenting lecture from my single mom cashier. Something about that was less than desirable to me. First of all, I had been out doing errands all day with two little kids so I was not in a real jovial mood. Secondly, she told me her life story about her boyfriend who does all the cooking and her other issues in life which I really could not have cared less about.
I tried to listen graciuosly but really wanted to say something like this: "You have no idea what you are talking about! You have ONE kid, just wait until you have one that doesn't take no for an answer! Take my money, pack my bags and shut up."
Thankfully I didn't say that because I am learning about how we are supposed to be the aroma of life to people we come in contact with. I am supposed to show people the love and compassion of Jesus, even in the check-out at wally world. I know that being judgmental of the probably well-meaning young lady is not the answer, but I honestly don't want to give her my phone number and invite her over for dinner.
So how do we show the love of Christ to people we may only have a few minutes with? That day I think it was by listening to her. Obviously she doesn't have a lot of people to talk to or she wouldn't have been telling me her life story. Jesus valued every person he came into contact with. He loves everyone enough to die for them. So I should be able to love them enough to listen and treat them with grace.
There's also a lesson in there for my kids. If we teach them about the love of Jesus and all his works, but those lessons don't translate into our real lives they are going to have a problem making sense of it all.
And there's a lesson for me. I tend to take poorly to judgments on my parenting. It's something I work really hard at and want to do right. But the only person I am accountable to is Jesus. He knows my heart and my shortcomings and my strengths. I don't need to take too seriously the comments of a stranger when I have the Savior of the world in my corner.
2 Corinthians 2:15-17
For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life. And who is equal to such a task? Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Romance and All That Gushy Stuff!
We survived another Valentine's Weekend. I am not a syruppy romantic person and neither is Mike. A few years ago we were listening to the radio and they were reading entries from a contest detailing romantic stories of roses, candles and poems. I looked at Mike and did the '80's gag me sign. He replied, "I'm so glad I married you!" That's about as romantic as we get.
On top of not being a romantic, I have always hated feeling forced into "date nights". I think I've written about that before but lately I've been rethinking dating my spouse. I know it is not reality to have super special dates every week. We don't have the time or money for that. But at the same time I think it can be easy to let our marriage slip to the back of my mind, the last thing on the agenda, and the thing we never have the energy to work on.
As the years roll on, especially this year, I've realized that we need to date each other and even romance each other a little. It doesn't have to involved me in a flowered dress or anything dippy like that, but we need to make time together a priority and that is going to take sacrifice. It'll be a sacrifice of time, energy and money.
The problem is when we don't do anything together we drift apart. We are irritated with each other, put off by the other's needs and just generally disinterested. And it's so easy to get there! With jobs, kids, activities, church, errands, bills, pets, house repairs it just seems like there aren't enough hours in the day! And there aren't.
The next level after drifting is actually seeking other people and pleasures in place of my spouse. That would obviously lead down a destructive and dangerous path.
God's plan for marriage is for it to be a lifetime commitment but more importantly, a reflection of His Glory and His intimacy with His bride, the church. So, if it is that important to him, it better be important to me.
Maybe part of what annoys me about all this is when the dates seem selfish in nature. Some people call it "us time" or want to show others what a wonderful, happy couple they are. That kind of dating is in direct contradiction to God's design for marriage. We are supposed to serve and mutually edify one another as a reflection of God's glory. So if we approach our marriage selfishly, it's just as bad as me dancing in a flowered dress. Trust me, that is a sight NO ONE wants to see.
Last month we took a dance class, which was fun and unusual. It was an hour of face to face time each week that included touch (something I'm generally opposed to but realize we need) and a lot of laughter. For Valentine's Day I gave Mike a card and small box of chocolates which I also ate for him. He made me a card with glitter on it. On Sunday night when my Mom got here, we took advantage of the free babysitter and went out to dinner. The more time we spend together, the more I want to kick myself for letting it go.
1 Corinthians 7:5-6
Do no deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
On top of not being a romantic, I have always hated feeling forced into "date nights". I think I've written about that before but lately I've been rethinking dating my spouse. I know it is not reality to have super special dates every week. We don't have the time or money for that. But at the same time I think it can be easy to let our marriage slip to the back of my mind, the last thing on the agenda, and the thing we never have the energy to work on.
As the years roll on, especially this year, I've realized that we need to date each other and even romance each other a little. It doesn't have to involved me in a flowered dress or anything dippy like that, but we need to make time together a priority and that is going to take sacrifice. It'll be a sacrifice of time, energy and money.
The problem is when we don't do anything together we drift apart. We are irritated with each other, put off by the other's needs and just generally disinterested. And it's so easy to get there! With jobs, kids, activities, church, errands, bills, pets, house repairs it just seems like there aren't enough hours in the day! And there aren't.
The next level after drifting is actually seeking other people and pleasures in place of my spouse. That would obviously lead down a destructive and dangerous path.
God's plan for marriage is for it to be a lifetime commitment but more importantly, a reflection of His Glory and His intimacy with His bride, the church. So, if it is that important to him, it better be important to me.
Maybe part of what annoys me about all this is when the dates seem selfish in nature. Some people call it "us time" or want to show others what a wonderful, happy couple they are. That kind of dating is in direct contradiction to God's design for marriage. We are supposed to serve and mutually edify one another as a reflection of God's glory. So if we approach our marriage selfishly, it's just as bad as me dancing in a flowered dress. Trust me, that is a sight NO ONE wants to see.
Last month we took a dance class, which was fun and unusual. It was an hour of face to face time each week that included touch (something I'm generally opposed to but realize we need) and a lot of laughter. For Valentine's Day I gave Mike a card and small box of chocolates which I also ate for him. He made me a card with glitter on it. On Sunday night when my Mom got here, we took advantage of the free babysitter and went out to dinner. The more time we spend together, the more I want to kick myself for letting it go.
1 Corinthians 7:5-6
Do no deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Mommy Moments
The last weeks have been a little difficult. Mommy moments too numerous to write about.
I started writing this over Christmas break: We were going a little stir crazy and I needed a few things at the store. I was making soup for a wedding which I was so happy to do because I absolutely adore the bride. We went to a few stores and the kids were getting cranky. I had one more thing to get that took a trip to yet another store. When we got inside the kids realized there were donut holes on the coffee table. Jenna got so excited she broke a display table and Abby knocked over the whole jar of liquid creamer on the coffee table. I told the lady at the customer service counter and apologized profusely. In my defense I spend half my monthly income at their store. So we quickly headed for the item we needed. Maren wouldn't sit in the cart, she was screaming and running away. I'm sure that I looked like a person that should NOT have had 5 kids. By the end I was just yelling commands at them like "No" or "Now".
All I could think about was what it would be like when I could just run into the store to get one thing by myself. And a quick trip could really be quick not a half day excursion.
Since then there have been many more store temper tantrums, the ceremonial dumping out of all the shampoo and soap in both bathrooms all over the carpet, poopy diapers taken off, I'm not sure how many gallons of spilled milk, fighting, hair-pulling, stubborness, throwing food on the floor, dumping out the garbage, falling down the stairs, sickness, school activities and the winner: a bottle of nail polish that shattered and spilled when hurled across the bathroom.
There have of course, been sweet moments of cuddling, laughing and playing too. And I know, I know that they are only ours for a short time and I should relish and treasure every minute, but by the time bedtime rolls around I am usually so strung out and frustrated that I want to curl up in fetal position in a dark room for a while.
How on earth in the midst of all this am I supposed to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus? I mean, really, it is so chaotic dealing with just the basic functions of life I hardly have the time or energy to meditate on the Bible or spend time in prayer. I'm just barely holding on some days.
The truth is I don't have the answer. I know I need to be more disciplined. As tired and busy as I am, I still find time to get on Facebook several times a day and watch Lost. Watching TV and being on the internet don't take much physical spritual or emotional energy and that feels good when you are numb from a trying day.
But it seems there are bigger problems than my obvious lack of discipline. Is my sinful and rebellious heart just using mommyhood as an excuse to stay away from God? Am I being attacked to keep my focus off Christ and keep my mothering stressful and unhappy instead of God-glorifying? And what is the faith of a mother with a young children supposed to look like?
In the life of David, there were many times where he was hard-pressed, stressed, literally running for his life and yet, he cried out to God in worship and prayer. When Paul was being persecuted he counted it joy and used it to further the gospel. There are people right now giving their lives for Christ and enduring unbelievable trials.
Usually I feel like a loser when I think about the trials others have faced and continued to rely on God. Certainly I have it easier than that. Could it be that God is using the very trials of motherhood to push me on to a deeper relationship with Him? How would things change if I choose to embrace the daily demands of my life as a vehicle to drive me closer to Him?
I don't know the answers to those questions but I want to. I'll let you know what I discover along the way. What have you discovered? Please share!
Psalm 13 (ESV)
How long, O Lord?
Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
lightr up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
lest my enemy say, "I have prevailed over him,"
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
But I have trusted in yoru steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.
I started writing this over Christmas break: We were going a little stir crazy and I needed a few things at the store. I was making soup for a wedding which I was so happy to do because I absolutely adore the bride. We went to a few stores and the kids were getting cranky. I had one more thing to get that took a trip to yet another store. When we got inside the kids realized there were donut holes on the coffee table. Jenna got so excited she broke a display table and Abby knocked over the whole jar of liquid creamer on the coffee table. I told the lady at the customer service counter and apologized profusely. In my defense I spend half my monthly income at their store. So we quickly headed for the item we needed. Maren wouldn't sit in the cart, she was screaming and running away. I'm sure that I looked like a person that should NOT have had 5 kids. By the end I was just yelling commands at them like "No" or "Now".
All I could think about was what it would be like when I could just run into the store to get one thing by myself. And a quick trip could really be quick not a half day excursion.
Since then there have been many more store temper tantrums, the ceremonial dumping out of all the shampoo and soap in both bathrooms all over the carpet, poopy diapers taken off, I'm not sure how many gallons of spilled milk, fighting, hair-pulling, stubborness, throwing food on the floor, dumping out the garbage, falling down the stairs, sickness, school activities and the winner: a bottle of nail polish that shattered and spilled when hurled across the bathroom.
There have of course, been sweet moments of cuddling, laughing and playing too. And I know, I know that they are only ours for a short time and I should relish and treasure every minute, but by the time bedtime rolls around I am usually so strung out and frustrated that I want to curl up in fetal position in a dark room for a while.
How on earth in the midst of all this am I supposed to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus? I mean, really, it is so chaotic dealing with just the basic functions of life I hardly have the time or energy to meditate on the Bible or spend time in prayer. I'm just barely holding on some days.
The truth is I don't have the answer. I know I need to be more disciplined. As tired and busy as I am, I still find time to get on Facebook several times a day and watch Lost. Watching TV and being on the internet don't take much physical spritual or emotional energy and that feels good when you are numb from a trying day.
But it seems there are bigger problems than my obvious lack of discipline. Is my sinful and rebellious heart just using mommyhood as an excuse to stay away from God? Am I being attacked to keep my focus off Christ and keep my mothering stressful and unhappy instead of God-glorifying? And what is the faith of a mother with a young children supposed to look like?
In the life of David, there were many times where he was hard-pressed, stressed, literally running for his life and yet, he cried out to God in worship and prayer. When Paul was being persecuted he counted it joy and used it to further the gospel. There are people right now giving their lives for Christ and enduring unbelievable trials.
Usually I feel like a loser when I think about the trials others have faced and continued to rely on God. Certainly I have it easier than that. Could it be that God is using the very trials of motherhood to push me on to a deeper relationship with Him? How would things change if I choose to embrace the daily demands of my life as a vehicle to drive me closer to Him?
I don't know the answers to those questions but I want to. I'll let you know what I discover along the way. What have you discovered? Please share!
Psalm 13 (ESV)
How long, O Lord?
Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
lightr up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
lest my enemy say, "I have prevailed over him,"
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
But I have trusted in yoru steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.
Monday, February 09, 2009
Life's Not Perfect
Well, it's raining today. And in Minnesota, rain in February usually means ice. The school shut down at 10 this morning so it's kind of nice to have everyone home especially since I am sick and Mike is doing most of the work!
Last week a young family was brought to mind. They are in the early stages of establishing their home. They got married, had two babies and bought a house in a short time. Without coming out and saying it, they seem to believe that their life is and will always be perfect. And they wonder why others can't seem to get it right. There are those first few years you you seem to float along in life and think everything will be perfect. But it seems like for everyone, there comes a point where you run into a problem and realize that the perfect life is not reality.
I ran into that problem several years back. We had marriage issues, money issues and well I just couldn't believe that things weren't working out the way I had dreamed it. We were going to be happy, always have money, have the perfect kids and house. Mike would do whatever it took to please me and life would be good.
Some of my friends have dealt with a depressed husband who can't hold a job, a child with major medical and behavioral issues, infertility, big-time real estate disasters and the list goes on and on.
When those cracks in the armor start getting bigger it can be shocking and horrifying, but when I look back at our own life I think it makes for a deeper bond, a better grasp of life and suffering and it revolutionizes the way we relate to God.
As I was thinking of this person who hasn't hit that point yet and probably won't take it too well, I am envisioning total devastation when perfection can't be reached. I couldn't help but think about my own kids and how to prepare them for life's inevitable disappointments.
As parents we tend to try to make everything "happy" for them. We work hard to involve them in activities, have their friends over, buy them the "right" clothes or toys. And that's mainly because we love them and want to do our best for them, but also because we want them to fit in and protect them from the pain of rejection.
I think preparing them for life's disappointments involves, not purposely disappointing them, but allowing them to feel those naturally and not always trying to fix things. If they are having a problem with a teacher or a friend we need to help them work through it, not ride in a make it go away. If they want to buy something that we can't afford, we can teach about how material things are not the focus of life and the answer to our problems - not necessarily reach for the credit card. There will be mean people. I still deal with mean people in my life now and it's my job to walk them through it, not hide them from it.
And the bottom line is, there will be disappointments and failures we can't stop or fix. I remember when I didn't make the cheerleading squad. The girls who made it got flowers in their first hour class to tell them which sport they were cheering for and I didn't get one. ( If only they could see me swing dance now - ok that would not help.) I heard that there were just too many girls and not enough spots. My parents didn't storm down to the school and demand I be given a spot. It was just one of those tough learning experiences. But you have to have those to learn that not everything is going to go your way.
I also want to teach them to not let fear of failure stop them from trying. That's how we grow. If they learn to have their hearts firmly fixed on Jesus and His perfection, those dissapointments can be bumps in the road not a drive off a cliff.
I want to focus on the idea of having a mature, Christ-loving adult at the end of this journey, not a spoiled brat in an grown-up body who thinks everything should always go their way.
Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Last week a young family was brought to mind. They are in the early stages of establishing their home. They got married, had two babies and bought a house in a short time. Without coming out and saying it, they seem to believe that their life is and will always be perfect. And they wonder why others can't seem to get it right. There are those first few years you you seem to float along in life and think everything will be perfect. But it seems like for everyone, there comes a point where you run into a problem and realize that the perfect life is not reality.
I ran into that problem several years back. We had marriage issues, money issues and well I just couldn't believe that things weren't working out the way I had dreamed it. We were going to be happy, always have money, have the perfect kids and house. Mike would do whatever it took to please me and life would be good.
Some of my friends have dealt with a depressed husband who can't hold a job, a child with major medical and behavioral issues, infertility, big-time real estate disasters and the list goes on and on.
When those cracks in the armor start getting bigger it can be shocking and horrifying, but when I look back at our own life I think it makes for a deeper bond, a better grasp of life and suffering and it revolutionizes the way we relate to God.
As I was thinking of this person who hasn't hit that point yet and probably won't take it too well, I am envisioning total devastation when perfection can't be reached. I couldn't help but think about my own kids and how to prepare them for life's inevitable disappointments.
As parents we tend to try to make everything "happy" for them. We work hard to involve them in activities, have their friends over, buy them the "right" clothes or toys. And that's mainly because we love them and want to do our best for them, but also because we want them to fit in and protect them from the pain of rejection.
I think preparing them for life's disappointments involves, not purposely disappointing them, but allowing them to feel those naturally and not always trying to fix things. If they are having a problem with a teacher or a friend we need to help them work through it, not ride in a make it go away. If they want to buy something that we can't afford, we can teach about how material things are not the focus of life and the answer to our problems - not necessarily reach for the credit card. There will be mean people. I still deal with mean people in my life now and it's my job to walk them through it, not hide them from it.
And the bottom line is, there will be disappointments and failures we can't stop or fix. I remember when I didn't make the cheerleading squad. The girls who made it got flowers in their first hour class to tell them which sport they were cheering for and I didn't get one. ( If only they could see me swing dance now - ok that would not help.) I heard that there were just too many girls and not enough spots. My parents didn't storm down to the school and demand I be given a spot. It was just one of those tough learning experiences. But you have to have those to learn that not everything is going to go your way.
I also want to teach them to not let fear of failure stop them from trying. That's how we grow. If they learn to have their hearts firmly fixed on Jesus and His perfection, those dissapointments can be bumps in the road not a drive off a cliff.
I want to focus on the idea of having a mature, Christ-loving adult at the end of this journey, not a spoiled brat in an grown-up body who thinks everything should always go their way.
Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
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