I have been home with a sick kid for an entire week. I haven't been able to do a lot of the things I normally do. Today as I was folding my umpteenth load of laundry, putting a turkey in the oven, changing diapers, playing sweet streets and helping Mike outside, I started to feel trapped and discontented.
Why is it that I have to give everything up for everyone? I'm better than this, I need a life. I don't want to be beaten down by living the housewife life. It's so degrading!
Where on earth is this coming from? Just the other day I felt so blessed and thankful to be married and home with my kids. I was finding joy in meeting the many needs of my family. I realized I was under attack from (satan). I don't like to say that too loud because people might think I'm crazy. But seriously, it's the truth.
We've been dealing with a really painful marriage situation involving some people in our church. She is basically walking out on her family because she feels devalued and controlled. She wants friends and a life. Doesn't that sound familiar?
It's a natural reaction for women because all those things that "tie us down" go against our selfish nature. Society tells us we deserve better, it's not enough and we start to believe it. But it's a lie! He calls us to submit and be humble to the calling he's given us. When we surrender ourselves to Him for His purposes is when we will find true joy and peace. I've struggled over the years but I think I finally get it. Die to myself and my selfish desires.
I think it is seeping in from my hearing it talked about it. It is so easy to let those seeds be sown and grow in my heart. They are up and taking root before I even know it. Then I'm right back to being the bitter, angry woman no one wants as a wife or mom. I react angrily to simple questions, I stomp around and wallow in self pity. Mike mentions something I didn't do or forgot and I attack. Sometimes I'm not even mad at them, I'm just mad at the world and taking it out on whoever is available.
The problem with that attitude is that God asks us to serve others more, consider others better than ourselves, be humble and gentle. I think it is part of how He helps us be more like Him and bring Him glory.
Don't let those seeds grow up in your heart. Fill it up with scripture, Christ-like friends and prayer. It's hard to believe just how fast those nasty seeds grow and how damaging they are.
Ephesians 4:1-3
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
Philippians 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
Monday, November 17, 2008
(Not so) Friendly Advice
Have you ever been blindsided by someone giving you a lecture of advice? We were at piano lessons today and I made the mistake of mentioning getting my kids a flu shot. Apparently the wrong thing to say. I was told about vitamins and how they build the immune system, how her kids never got sick or got cavities and something about eating natural foods. She also doesn't believe in fluoride, which our kids take in pills because we have well water and we want their teeth to last them past the age of 14.
This is not the first time this has happened. The last time it came up was when Maren was getting tubes in her ears. She had a long list of things we could do to help that too. At that point, after having a screaming child with ear infections I was in no mood to hear what I should or could be doing. I was instead counting the days until surgery!
I'm kind of hotheaded and emotional at times - ok a lot of times. But I stayed pretty cool and smiled and nodded. But when I got home I was furious! How dare someone who barely knows me lecture me on how to care for my children. Does she think I'm an idiot and haven't thought through and prayed about things? Does she know that I can't afford to buy the high priced vitamins she touts for my 5 kids? Does she know that we do eat a lot more whole foods these days?
After I ranted and raved to Mike for a while (you should pray for him - he bears the brunt of all my issues), I realized a few things. I need to be teachable and open to what other people are saying. Who knows she might have some good options that I might not have tried and is probably trying to help me. Although it might seem really rude and annoying to me.
Also, I need to think about this when I give advice to people or tell them what I have tried. Maybe it comes across in the same way without me meaning it to. I need to be careful to not assume I have all the answers or know where this person has been. Jesus is the only Way, our opinions are not. It's really easy when I feel passionate about something to preach it. I know it's hard to imagine that, but it's true! How many times have I made someone feel the same way I felt today?
It's apparent that humility needs to grow in my life.
Philippians 2:3
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.
James 1:21
Therefore, putting aside all filthiness and all that remains of wickedness, in humility receive the word implanted, which is able to save your souls.
This is not the first time this has happened. The last time it came up was when Maren was getting tubes in her ears. She had a long list of things we could do to help that too. At that point, after having a screaming child with ear infections I was in no mood to hear what I should or could be doing. I was instead counting the days until surgery!
I'm kind of hotheaded and emotional at times - ok a lot of times. But I stayed pretty cool and smiled and nodded. But when I got home I was furious! How dare someone who barely knows me lecture me on how to care for my children. Does she think I'm an idiot and haven't thought through and prayed about things? Does she know that I can't afford to buy the high priced vitamins she touts for my 5 kids? Does she know that we do eat a lot more whole foods these days?
After I ranted and raved to Mike for a while (you should pray for him - he bears the brunt of all my issues), I realized a few things. I need to be teachable and open to what other people are saying. Who knows she might have some good options that I might not have tried and is probably trying to help me. Although it might seem really rude and annoying to me.
Also, I need to think about this when I give advice to people or tell them what I have tried. Maybe it comes across in the same way without me meaning it to. I need to be careful to not assume I have all the answers or know where this person has been. Jesus is the only Way, our opinions are not. It's really easy when I feel passionate about something to preach it. I know it's hard to imagine that, but it's true! How many times have I made someone feel the same way I felt today?
It's apparent that humility needs to grow in my life.
Philippians 2:3
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.
James 1:21
Therefore, putting aside all filthiness and all that remains of wickedness, in humility receive the word implanted, which is able to save your souls.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Things to Teach My Daughters
We have been going through 1 Corinthians in our Bible study. There is a lot of talk about immorality and marriage in the chapters we did this week. There is a lot of talk about marriage and immorality in our ministry right now too. We are watching a marriage completely implode before our eyes. When I look in the eyes of women in these situations I can't help but think about my girls. I never want them to be in a situation with that much hurt and pain.
Now, I know I can't control that. They will make mistakes and choices, but so much of the pain in people's lives revolve around the fact that they want to feel loved and important. I want my girls to be able to grasp God's great love for them. I know some girls that have been pure and married and never for a second doubted the love God or their husbands have for them. Following God's plan builds in that security.
But I know so many women that are continually falling into turmoil because they have this unfilled desire to be loved. Oh, they may be married and have great children, but still they do not feel loved. They may have a family that cares for them, but they still have to go looking for love. They may have a very fulfilling career and that is not enough. The emptiness inside them can only be filled with God. Without being secure in the love that God has for them they are treading on the road to danger.
Unfortunately, that dangerous path usually leads to sex. Yep, that's right! Women that are looking for love often try to substitute sex. This is not a topic I like discussing. And I think it's because I was raised baptist. Modesty, purity and abstinence were taught. All definitely things I want to teach my children to uphold. But I think there is a danger in the desire to promote those virtues that allows them to be distorted. It's easy for those things to come across as negative, old fashioned and heavy handed. A very strict, secretive approach to sexuality can easily be twisted into an abnormal view of sex.
It seems it could easily lead to a desire or curiosity for pornography and strip clubs. The numbers of people that are reportedly dealing with pornography in the church are astounding. It could lead to a desire for romance novels and soap operas. I think it could also go the opposite direction and lead to total sexual repression and destroy the ability to have a healthy, normal sex life as God intended it. It isn't possible to have a Christ-honoring marriage without enjoying sex. If you don't believe me read 1 Corinthians 7!
As my kids are being exposed to sexual content from a variety of sources - and there is no way to avoid that- I am even more convinced of the importance of teaching my kids a biblical, balanced, healthy view of sexuality with openness, dialogue and some humor.
I just got Family Life's Passport to Purity. It's a weekend you take your same sex child away and go through lessons dealing with the physical aspects, but also dating and purity. They encourage you to make it a big deal and a very special weekend. I like the idea of making it special and not a dirty, backroom type conversation. And it seems to teach from a very balanced perspective, openness does not supercede Biblical teaching. So I'm thinking I am going to try to do the first half of it with Jenna this winter. I want her to hear it from me, not her classmates!
I know that I need to teach my girls modesty but they need to know WHY. They need to know we aspire to modesty to glorify God and not to be legalists. They need to know that sex is created and sanctioned by God and is beautiful in marriage. They should know that purity is not just a plus in your heaven requirements or something you do to keep from shaming your parents, but it's a reflection of our devotion to God and His love for us. Most importantly, they need to know that they can come to me with any question they have. I want them to know that they are accepted and loved no matter what.
Chances are you have already begun teaching these things, and I suppose in a way I already have too. But I want to be purposeful and diligent about it. They need to know the love of their heavenly Father and the security that brings. I've seen first hand the results of a life lived looking for love in all the wrong places and it's not pretty.
Now, I know I can't control that. They will make mistakes and choices, but so much of the pain in people's lives revolve around the fact that they want to feel loved and important. I want my girls to be able to grasp God's great love for them. I know some girls that have been pure and married and never for a second doubted the love God or their husbands have for them. Following God's plan builds in that security.
But I know so many women that are continually falling into turmoil because they have this unfilled desire to be loved. Oh, they may be married and have great children, but still they do not feel loved. They may have a family that cares for them, but they still have to go looking for love. They may have a very fulfilling career and that is not enough. The emptiness inside them can only be filled with God. Without being secure in the love that God has for them they are treading on the road to danger.
Unfortunately, that dangerous path usually leads to sex. Yep, that's right! Women that are looking for love often try to substitute sex. This is not a topic I like discussing. And I think it's because I was raised baptist. Modesty, purity and abstinence were taught. All definitely things I want to teach my children to uphold. But I think there is a danger in the desire to promote those virtues that allows them to be distorted. It's easy for those things to come across as negative, old fashioned and heavy handed. A very strict, secretive approach to sexuality can easily be twisted into an abnormal view of sex.
It seems it could easily lead to a desire or curiosity for pornography and strip clubs. The numbers of people that are reportedly dealing with pornography in the church are astounding. It could lead to a desire for romance novels and soap operas. I think it could also go the opposite direction and lead to total sexual repression and destroy the ability to have a healthy, normal sex life as God intended it. It isn't possible to have a Christ-honoring marriage without enjoying sex. If you don't believe me read 1 Corinthians 7!
As my kids are being exposed to sexual content from a variety of sources - and there is no way to avoid that- I am even more convinced of the importance of teaching my kids a biblical, balanced, healthy view of sexuality with openness, dialogue and some humor.
I just got Family Life's Passport to Purity. It's a weekend you take your same sex child away and go through lessons dealing with the physical aspects, but also dating and purity. They encourage you to make it a big deal and a very special weekend. I like the idea of making it special and not a dirty, backroom type conversation. And it seems to teach from a very balanced perspective, openness does not supercede Biblical teaching. So I'm thinking I am going to try to do the first half of it with Jenna this winter. I want her to hear it from me, not her classmates!
I know that I need to teach my girls modesty but they need to know WHY. They need to know we aspire to modesty to glorify God and not to be legalists. They need to know that sex is created and sanctioned by God and is beautiful in marriage. They should know that purity is not just a plus in your heaven requirements or something you do to keep from shaming your parents, but it's a reflection of our devotion to God and His love for us. Most importantly, they need to know that they can come to me with any question they have. I want them to know that they are accepted and loved no matter what.
Chances are you have already begun teaching these things, and I suppose in a way I already have too. But I want to be purposeful and diligent about it. They need to know the love of their heavenly Father and the security that brings. I've seen first hand the results of a life lived looking for love in all the wrong places and it's not pretty.
Monday, November 03, 2008
Unlikely Places
We went trick or treating last week and did our usual thing. We went to a friends house for dinner and then drove around to all the people we know and the elderly people in our church who like to see our kids dressed up.
But there is one house that I would never think of going to. It is a dumpy old house. It looks kind of uninhabitable, but since there is usually a beat up car in the driveway and some dogs running around I assumed someone lived there. It turns out that house belongs to the brother of some people that go to our church. It is the house they all grew up in. They've always told us to to Trick or Treating there and I always thought they were crazy! Do they think I would actually drive in, unload my family and walk right up to the door? Maybe they don't know me as well as they think they do!
Well, last year we followed some other relatives of his there (ok so everyone is related in Wrenshall!). Here's what we've been missing: He has big storage tubs full of candy. He takes an ice cream bucket and scoops it full and dumps it in every child's bag. He'll even give you a new bag if yours isn't big enough! I'm not sure I've ever seen a look of such intense surprise and delight on my children's faces! So this year, of course, the big question was "Are we going to Warren's?"
I didn't get to go with them this year due to Maren's intense dislike of trick or treating and getting in and out of her car seat. But they did go and they got a bundle of candy! I drove by there the next day and thought isn't it crazy how there could be treasure in such an unlikely place?
We went to check out Holyoke Park a few weeks ago. I wasn't excited to go, there is nothing in Holyoke! But I was amazed at how beautiful and fun it was. There is a flowing river (I put in a picture - pretty hi tech!), lots of trees, a baseball field and trails. We went back this weekend and had our family pictures taken there.
It seems like I often overlook someone or something because of outward appearances. I try not to make eye contact with scruffy looking people. I avoid places that don't seem to be up to my high level of approval or might have a funky smell.
On an even more personal level, how many times have I dismissed some trait or talent that one of my kids has because it seemed odd or silly or embarrasing? Maybe I've contributed to them not reaching their full potential in an area or freeing them to use their abilities for God.
I'm especially convicted with regards to Jenna. Unfortunately for her, she is a lot like me in personality which makes us butt heads alot. She is rough and tumble, tomboyish, and very messy. Today she was eating a sandwich and had lettuce and mayo all over her face and crumbs all over her shirt and pants. She doesn't like to brush her hair or wear nice or clean clothes. She spits in the dirt! And I often try to help and guide her in the direction of being a young lady and needless to say she doesn't appreciate it too much!
In my desire to give her the needed direction, I often overlook her zest for life. She loves every minute of everything she does - except practicing the piano. She is fun-loving, energetic, fast-paced, friendly and driven. I know I need to appreciate the unique personality and talents that God has given her. It's hard to find the balance between training her and stomping all over her personality.
All of a sudden, God reminded me that I need to look at things through His eyes. He has given bunches of treasures that may look like a ramshackle house, but it holds the motherload of candy. And it might be a sleepy little nowhere town, but it possesses amazing natural beauty.
Are there things in your life and the lives of those you love that you've overlooked or shunned? Are there people in your life that seem weird or worthless at first glance? Jesus made a point to reach out to those that society shut out and bring out the best in people he came into contact with. The woman at the well, the adultress woman, Zaccheus, the criples and crazies are all people no good "religious" person would touch with a ten foot pole! But Jesus could see that every person was created by God and made for His glory. He went right after their hearts and brought them straight to Love.
I want to follow Jesus' example of finding treasures in unlikely places. Oh that I would be able to do that for my family and those around me.
Luke 19:7-9
"All the people saw this and began to mutter, "He has gone to be the guest of a sinner".
But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, "Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possesions to the poor, and if I have cheated anyobody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount."
Jesus said to him, "Today salvation has come to this house, becaue this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to sek and sae what was lost."
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Do We Worship Walt?
Well, if you have a daughter or live on the planet earth, you probably know that High School Musical 3 came out in theaters this weekend. We own the first two videos. I don't think they are the worst movies and I agree that they are fun. I haven't seen the new one yet, but Jenna saw it with a friend today. The girls really have not been excited about seeing the movie. They haven't watched or talked about it for months. I think part of the reason is they haven't been watching TV enough to see the previews and ads for it.
I am starting to wonder how much we should allow our kids to be exposed to the media. Can we really raise kids that are lovers of Jesus and the things of him if they are constantly bombarded with the images of this world?
Saturday morning cartoons are filled with commercials for all the latest Christmas toys. The Disney Channel is basically one big advertisement for Disney products. It glorifies dating and physical contact between kids. As Christians is that what we want our kids filling their minds and hearts with? Is it feeding their need for God or their need for self?
I keep thinking of Philippians 4:8 which says, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."
There are few things that fit into that category that I've seen in a movie theater or a TV Show.
There's a Christian organization that gives the new High School Musical movie a very good rating because it's wholesome. I was pretty surprised by the positive review. One of my sister's friends that is nowhere near a Christian said she didn't think she needed to take her girls to see all that kissy face stuff! Hearing her say that challenges me all the more to think through what we watch and not just go because they want to or everyone else is. Because clearly everyone else is not!
I don't think the answer is to forbid my kids from ever watching another movie or TV show. I want it to be clear to my kids that we are God-worshippers not Walt-Worshippers! It seems the less they are exposed to it the better. They are already naturally selfish and materialistic anyway. I've noticed as our family has watched less and less TV and movies that our kids' (and my) contentment has grown. They don't have the desire to get things as much. They haven't begged to go get a new Happy Meal Toy for a while (well, a week anyway!)
My friend Jenn commented on my last entry and mentioned that during a High School musical song her husband hit pause and talked to the kids about how we don't make our dreams come true by looking inside ourselves, but we look to Jesus for answers. I think that is the best way to handle it. If we are engaged with what they are watching, listening to and reading we can use it to teach our own values and discuss issues with them.
On top of being engaged and informed is keeping limits on their media exposure. Maybe it's kind of like their exposure to pop and candy. It's not too harmful in limited quantities. But with junk food and media I'm finding less and less is definitely best.
Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Colossians 3:16
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.
I am starting to wonder how much we should allow our kids to be exposed to the media. Can we really raise kids that are lovers of Jesus and the things of him if they are constantly bombarded with the images of this world?
Saturday morning cartoons are filled with commercials for all the latest Christmas toys. The Disney Channel is basically one big advertisement for Disney products. It glorifies dating and physical contact between kids. As Christians is that what we want our kids filling their minds and hearts with? Is it feeding their need for God or their need for self?
I keep thinking of Philippians 4:8 which says, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."
There are few things that fit into that category that I've seen in a movie theater or a TV Show.
There's a Christian organization that gives the new High School Musical movie a very good rating because it's wholesome. I was pretty surprised by the positive review. One of my sister's friends that is nowhere near a Christian said she didn't think she needed to take her girls to see all that kissy face stuff! Hearing her say that challenges me all the more to think through what we watch and not just go because they want to or everyone else is. Because clearly everyone else is not!
I don't think the answer is to forbid my kids from ever watching another movie or TV show. I want it to be clear to my kids that we are God-worshippers not Walt-Worshippers! It seems the less they are exposed to it the better. They are already naturally selfish and materialistic anyway. I've noticed as our family has watched less and less TV and movies that our kids' (and my) contentment has grown. They don't have the desire to get things as much. They haven't begged to go get a new Happy Meal Toy for a while (well, a week anyway!)
My friend Jenn commented on my last entry and mentioned that during a High School musical song her husband hit pause and talked to the kids about how we don't make our dreams come true by looking inside ourselves, but we look to Jesus for answers. I think that is the best way to handle it. If we are engaged with what they are watching, listening to and reading we can use it to teach our own values and discuss issues with them.
On top of being engaged and informed is keeping limits on their media exposure. Maybe it's kind of like their exposure to pop and candy. It's not too harmful in limited quantities. But with junk food and media I'm finding less and less is definitely best.
Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Colossians 3:16
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.
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