The Adventures of Mommy Missionary

Better With Age, Part Two

2011-12-23T21:39:00.001-06:00

I had been writing a post about Grant turning thirteen in my head this week, patting myself on the back for not worrying about the teenage years. Then I received some pictures of my nieces and daughters in the mail from my aunt.

All of a sudden my perspective changed a bit. These were taken just a few short years ago…

and this..

And now this?

Can you imagine what we will be dealing with in a few short years? I know. It’s a little terrifying. I’m kind of thinking about locking the doors and getting out the burlap sack dresses. Who knows what Mike is thinking!

But if they transform as much in the next few years as they did in the last few, we’re going to have a swarm of teenage boys outside our house.

Better With Age

2011-12-23T21:25:00.001-06:00

They say wine gets better with age. I guess some cheese is too. It is obviously not true of the kind of great value cheese I buy because when that ages it just turns green.

But age can bring benefits. I’m glad I’m not the person I was at 16, 26 or even 34! I hope that God continues to grow and change me into someone that reflects His glory.

Time keeps rolling on. I have more gray hairs. And my kids keep having birthdays. This time our firstborn hit a big milestone. Thirteen.

How does this…

turn into this…

in the blink of an eye?

I just couldn’t imagine that the sweet baby we loved so much would become such an amazing person.

I’m still important to him because he relies on me for food 24/7 . He still needs to eat every two hours just like when he was a baby. And he still needs me to drive him places.

But, I am no longer at the center of his world. I never thought the day would come.

Instead of planning a birthday party like I used to with fear and trepidation of keeping a bunch of little boys occupied, Mike took him and his friends out for pizza. I never even saw them.

He has a phone. He has a life.

Some people tell me I should worry about thirteen and beyond. I’m so thankful for the time we’ve had and the time to come. Each stage has it’s joys and struggles and I intend to make the enjoy every minute. In a few years, I’ll be even further out of the center of his world. And that’s ok because he’ll always be in the center of my heart.

Happy Birthday Bud!

The World and The WORD

2011-12-15T10:54:00.001-06:00

December should be about worship and wonder. I know that. But it’s just so hard to make it happen. There are so many things to do and so many distractions.

The internet is so convenient for shopping and finding deals and yet…

(http://theberry.com/2011/08/01/morning-coffee-38-photos-10/)

it gets in the way.

It’s hard to find the balance of world and Word, you know? I want to be in the word and worship. However, there are things in the world that need to be taken care of too. My kids are going in a million different directions. I’ve got church responsibilities and home stuff to do. I’m doing a little part time job. I mean really little. Not hard. Not many hours and it seems to be sucking up an awful lot of time.

It doesn’t seem that God has called us to go live life in a commune, which quite frankly I’m pretty bummed about. So I’m praying about balance. How do I live life in the world while keeping the Word first? How do I meet my kids needs without turning their eyes away from Christ? How do I dedicate myself to scripture when I’d rather be reading Pinterest?

At Bible study yesterday, we were challenged to find ways to read the Bible and pray more. I know what I have to do. I’ve known it for 15 years and I continue to fail to do it. It’s getting up early. Blah! I hate even typing that. But if I’m going to put the Word before anything else, then it’s got to be done before the demands of the world are up.

Today, I read 2 Peter 1:12-21. It talks about prophecy and how the prophecy of scripture didn’t come from the prophets interpretation, but directly from God as delivered by the Holy Spirit. It’s a good passage to pair up with Isaiah 9:2-7 during the Christmas season.

It’s amazing to think of how God orchestrated all the prophecy and fulfillment for His glory and our salvation. Once I start, I could just keep reading and worshipping and wondering all day. But, eventually, the world calls.

How about you? How do you balance the Word and the world?

Is It December Already?

2011-12-07T09:58:00.001-06:00

Yes it is. Our tree is up and the craziness of December has begun. Life moves so fast that sometimes it feels impossible just to keep up.

Christmas is supposed to be a joyful, special season but it all gets muddled and trampled by all there is to do. On top of our normal everyday tasks we add; shopping, wrapping, baking, decorating. Who do you think I am… Martha Stewart?

There are programs and concerts and parties. It’s all supposed to add to the wonder and magic of the season but usually it just makes me tired and cranky.

Last year I campaigned to Do December Different and find something to do for someone else every day. It was good. The kids were a big part of it and I loved how they focused on what we could do for others instead of just what they want. But it added to the running and compounded the frenzy.

This year I already feel kind of ragged. As I was praying about Christmas this year, I felt a tug in my heart to slow down. I think it was more like a kick in the pants: S-L-O-W D-O-W-N!

Even serving others can become just another distraction from the real meaning of Christmas which is worship and wonder. Right? I mean we are amazed that God for sent Jesus in His grand plan to save us from our sins. God becoming man and dwelling among us. So the wonder of the Christmas plan leads us to worship. It’s all about Jesus and what He did. It’s about God’s plan from the beginning of time.

So although we are still going to elf a little this year, I want my focus to be more quiet and inward. Taking the time to really make an effort to spend time in front of my tree with my Bible. Worship. And Wonder.

I want to encourage you to focus on Jesus too. Let His love and truth fill your heart this season.

There are lots of advent sites with advent readings out there. Take time to prepare your hearts for the coming of Jesus. A family advent calendar that the Children’s Director at my home church (who also happens to by my sister) recommends is here.

A couple passages I read yesterday that were really meaningful to me were Psalm 25 and John1:1-14. What are you reading for advent? As we worship and wonder, the Prince of Peace will reign supreme in our Christmas and our life. And who doesn’t want a little peace at this time of year?

“Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.” Psalm 25:4-5

Late Night Binge

2011-12-03T23:37:00.001-06:00

I have late night binges fairly often as evidenced by my pants size and the empty snack size Twix bag on my counter. But it’s not too often I go on a cleaning binge.

Here I was having a normal Saturday night and all of a sudden because of a new Mr. Clean product, I’m scrubbing the tile grout, washing floors and chipping away at some hard water stains with a finger nail clipper. What gives?

My house has been a pretty big disaster lately. The Christmas tree mess. Piles and piles of school papers and bills. Five pairs of boots and snow pants. A partially disassembled office downstairs. It feels like chaos. Ok, it is chaos.

Yet in the middle of the chaos, which I hate, I am totally unmotivated to clean. It might be that the task is too overwhelming. It could be that I’m too busy. My laziness no doubt is a factor. I would rather do other things or nothing.

So why out of the blue, at the most inconvenient times do I go into a frenzy? It’s 11:30 on a Saturday night and we have a big day tomorrow. What on earth is wrong with me? I filed months worth of paperwork. I cleaned off the counter. I cleaned underneath the toilet. It’s so weird.

If only I could bottle this and binge on it on a Monday morning. Can you imagine what I might accomplish? In housework and in life.

But I guess as long as I can’t control when the cleaning binge wave hits, I may as well just ride along and clean like crazy until I get back to normal. Then chaos can reign again.

Drama Mama

2011-11-30T20:43:00.001-06:00

I suppose there is something in a Mom’s DNA that brings out the Drama Mama in us. You know how it is, I am the best. My kid is the best. Don’t try to tell me they’re not! If you can’t recognize their amazing talent then you are an idiot! It’s kind of a cross between Tiger Mom and Mama Bear. I think it stems from wanting the best for our kids but it can get ugly in a hurry.

I was chatting with a friend about our upcoming basketball season. Disclaimer: This friend does not live in my town nor do her kids go to the same school as mine. She was telling me about the drama on a kids basketball team. The minute the mom of this child starts talking about basketball she goes ape. Curse words fly, tensions raise, she goes for the throat of other moms and other girls. It’s viscous. That’s why my friend never mentions the word *basketball* to this person.

It’s natural to want the best for your kids. It’s natural to want to defend them. It’s not normal or cool to freak out when you don’t get your way. Or to demand that they are the best thing on the planet at academics, sports, cheerleading, eating lunch or walking up the stairs. Seriously, it can get that petty.

There are some moms that just attract drama. It’s always something. It seems like the root cause is selfishness. It’s all about me. It’s all about my kid. We are the best, don’t tell us we aren’t.

It’s kind of like those the kids that go to try out for American Idol. Their families have told them all their lives that they are the bomb. The problem is that they literally are a bomb. Some cannot carry a tune but their parents have continued to push this image and dream. They go away broken hearted over the truth. They are not God’s gift to music. They had no idea.

There are things I’m not good at. I’m not good at math or decorating. I’m not good at exercise or cleaning. It’s ok. Some things that we are usually good at bomb at times. Like today I made the most disgusting cookies. I have no idea why because I’ve used that recipe a million times. However that should not shatter who I am. We all have bad days and things we aren’t good at.

Drama Mama can’t see or accept that. She certainly isn’t teaching her kids that. It’s a reality of life. She’s puffing her kids up to a level that they most likely cannot possibly sustain. That’s not a favor to her kids. It won’t be long before they get out there and learn that they are not the best at everything. They will be shattered.

The other problem with Drama Mama is that she is not considering others. If you and your kid are the best, where does that leave everyone else? If your kid is the only one who can shine, then no one else counts.

Over and over God encourages us to put others first. To pour ourselves out. It’s a radical idea in this society that encourages us to be “all about me”. But what would happen if we were all about encouraging everyone to use the gifts and talents God has given them for His glory.

In my Bible study today, we focused on this verse:

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2-3

The author of the study, Chip Ingram explains that humility is when we decide to think of ourselves honestly and practice serving others unselfishly.

Gentleness develops when we intentionally relate to people beyond our comfort zone.

Patience has a chance to grow as we experience the disappointments, delays and frustrations with those who don’t want to change or don’t see change the same way we do.

What would happen if all Moms did this? The Drama Mama can’t see past her own selfish desires. God wants us to go in a radically different direction. He wants us to give up our rights and think of others. When we do that, His grace will take over.

I don’t think it’s possible to be a drama mama and a follower of Christ. So when I feel myself start to slip into that mode I better run back to Ephesians and check myself. God calls us to a life of humility and service, not selfishness and boasting.

The Queen Mum

2011-11-29T22:10:00.002-06:00

Have you ever seen anyone wearing a shirt that says, “Princess Mom”? Or there’s one that says “I know I’m a Princess because my mom is the Queen”. And while I get that it’s a funny little joke, I think there are plenty of women who totally own that sentiment.

Her home is their castle. Her family is at her beck and call. The underlings do all the work and they better do it well. The Queen Mum cannot be bothered by everyday things. Stuff in the house is not her problem. She is above cleaning and cooking and getting up with the kids. She has important texts to attend to and games to play. There is no reason for interruption.

The Queen Mum has high standards. When one of the peasants try to do jobs or errands, they are seldom done right. The Queen then demeans or humiliates their efforts. There is no praise or encouragement rolling off her tongue.

A friend of mine told me that when her mom was done talking on the phone she would hold it up in the air. That meant one of the kids better get up and hang it back on the hook. I know that we’ve forgotten phones with receivers and hand sets but they did exist once upon a time.

The Queen Mum likes to go out and live large. She spends lots of time at the nail salon. When someone needs something, she looks at the pathetic prince she married with her arms crossed daring him not to take care of it.

Everyone walks on egg shells around the Queen. They never know what she will be in a good mood or want everyone banned from her kingdom. The underlings try their hardest to please and serve her, yet it is never enough.

I know some Queen Mums. I may even be one every once in a while. I used to play a little game with my husband. Only he didn't know about it. When one of the kids would wake up crying I would lay there and clench my teeth. I might have even thrown in a sigh or elbow now and then. I wanted to see how long it would be until he got up. He rarely did. Mainly because he's a heavy sleeper. He does however get up and make everyone breakfast in the mornings. I'm over that game. Now when there is a need sometimes we even tell each other to sit down or assure them that we've got it.

And while it’s not a big deal to let everyone in the family help and go spend some alone time now and then, our jobs as moms is not to hoard and abuse power. It’s to serve.

I’ve often said that being a mom is God’s grand plan to humble me. It’s a humbling job; getting up a night, cleaning up, changing diapers, doing laundry, cooking, shopping. The list never ends. So instead of being miserable and making everyone in our kingdom miserable, it might be a good idea to look at how Jesus lived and ruled while he was here.

Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?

Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

“No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.”

Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”

“Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!” John 13:3-9

Jesus knew God’s plan. He knew that God had given Him power. But he chose to wash everyone’s feet. That job was usually reserved for the lowest of servants.

I’m sure the Queen Mum loves her family. It’s just hard to let go of her love for herself. It’s hard for all of us. But we are God’s children. If we trust Christ, we truly are daughters of the King. Our position in secure. Now, in Christ we can serve as a gift to our families and a gift to God.

“Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not me, because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free.” Ephesians 6:7-8

Serving doesn’t mean we have no opinion or are mousy little slaves. Serving as Jesus serves is an honor. A gift.

Trust me, it’s really not that good to be Queen. Or at least a Queen Mum. As we grow in Christ, we should seek to become more like Him. And Jesus Christ was a servant. So should I be. In marriage, in ministry and in life.

“Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross.” Philippians 2:6-8

Dear 21 Year Old Me,

2011-11-22T13:11:00.002-06:00

Dear 21 Year Old Me,

I know you are super excited that you are getting married. It's a big deal. A huge moment in life. But, FYI, the world does not revolve around you.

Dear 21 Year Old Me,

I know it's the 90's and wedding dresses with long puffy sleeves and sweetheart necklines are all the rage. But, trust me, don't do it. Just like the rolling and pinning of your jeans, you'll look back with regret. Go strapless. It might be bold but it's the wave of the future.

Dear 21 Year Old Me,

I know you've spent hours searching for the perfect dress and shoes. But it's not about the dress. Do yourself a favor and think beyond the dress and the flowers and think about the future.

Dear 21 Year Old Me,

I know you have dreams of getting sparkly anniversary bands on your anniversary. 15 years seems like a good time to do it. I hate to break it to you but the only shiny things you'll be spending big bucks on in the near future are braces.

Dear 21 Year Old Me,

Ignore the advice in all those wedding cards and well wishers to "follow your dreams". Very few people get to do that. Even if you try and succeed, you'll find it hollow in the end.

Instead, follow hard after Jesus. Make His plan your dream and you'll be in a good place.

Oh and maybe put some of that cash from the wedding cards away for braces.

Dear 21 Year Old Me,

Don't worry about the little things. Enjoy every day God gives you together. Don't waste your time being petty, argumentative or distracted. Focus on living full of love and grace. If you pour the same love and forgiveness on your marriage that God has poured on you, things will be grand.

Don't buy the story that a nice house or lots of money will make you happy. You'll find out the hard way that you can be content and thriving in a trailer house and miserable in a big fancy
house.

Don't try to change your spouse. Love Him for who God made Him to be ~ Cowboy boots and all.

Dear 21 Year Old Me,

Don't be disappointed when you can't afford to go to Hawaii. Maybe all you can do for your 15th anniversary is get a Priceline room down the road from your parents.

Rejoice in the gift that God has given you in your husband. Be grateful for the work He's done to bring you to this place.

Don't let the kids take over your marriage. Honor and cherish what you have together. Put Him first. Give your hearts fully to each other.

Be generous with forgiveness. Forgive extravagantly just like God has done for all of us. Don't hold on to bitterness or grudges.

Dear 21 Year Old Me,

I know you are looking forward to happily ever after but there will be hard times. There might be days that you wonder if you'll celebrate any more anniversaries.

As wonderful as you are, you will be a selfish inconsiderate wife. As good as your husband looks in his tux today, he isn't perfect either.

That's when it's time to forget the dress and the house and anything other than looking to Christ.

He is the unifier, the healer and the redeemer of marriage. Without Him you are doomed.

Dear 21 Year Old Me,

Your walk down the aisle is short, but the walk through life is a long journey. Don't fight against the lessons you'll learn. Embrace them.

Even though I know you think you know everything and have it all under control, you'll learn a lot. You might gain a few pounds and get some gray hair.

You think shopping at Target is lame, but soon that will be the classiest place you shop.

You'll be on your way to becoming a more mature and Christ like version of who you are today.

Dear 21 Year Old Me,

Embrace the journey. There will be beautiful babies that grow into fabulous kids. There will be frustrations and triumphs. There will be nice vans and big ugly ones. There will be times of plenty and times of want. There will be times of deep hurt and disappointment. There will be times of unfathomable joy.

Be willing to let Christ change you on this walk down the aisle of life. Hold on to Him in the hard time and rejoice with Him in the good time.

Dear 21 Year Old Me,

Happy Wedding Day! I'm going to enjoy my Priceline hotel getaway now.
I'll check in with you in another fifteen years.

Tiger Mom and Mama Bear ~ Part Two

2011-11-18T09:01:00.000-06:00

On the other side of the spectrum, we all have a little Tiger Mom in us. Oh you know we do! We want our kids to be the best, to work hard and to achieve the highest grades, sports and music accolades possible.

Sometimes I can feel a little Tiger Mom rising up. For sure, the Tiger Mom gene is in all us once we conceive too. We want the best for our kids. We want them to succeed and prosper. How many of us looked at our little babies in their basinets and wondered if they might grow up to be a doctor or a professional athlete or a world class musician?

It’s natural and good to want the best for our kids. God wants the same for all of his children.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:7-12

But what is best for our kids? Is it worldly fame, fortune and success? Not according to God. When we seek to honor God in our lives our perspective changes. Success is not the end goal! 2 Peter 3:17-18 says,

Therefore, dear friends, since you have been forewarned, be on your guard so that you may not be carried away by the error of the lawless and fall from your secure position. But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen.

For sure, I want my kids to do well in school. I want them to get good jobs. I want them to improve their athletic skills. But it’s not the most important thing. I don’t need to be a Tiger Mom and relentlessly push them to pursue success. It’s not Godly to be pushy, demeaning, unfair, mean or only offer conditional love. Help them. Yes. Support them. Absolutely. Encourage them. Yep.

Guiding them to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Christ is the utmost calling. We need to rely on Him for help and not let our natural instincts go Bear or Tiger unleashed.

Tiger Mom and Mama Bear ~ Part One

2011-11-17T12:01:00.001-06:00

I think something changes in a woman’s DNA the minute she conceives. All of a sudden you feel desperate when you hear stories of missing, sick or neglected children. It’s impossible to watch the news or a hallmark commercial without crying. You can’t shake the feeling that this world is a horrible place. But mostly, you’re totally cool with dying in defense of your offspring. You want to mess with my kid? Bring it on!

That’s what someone referred to as “Mama Bear Syndrome” on Facebook the other day. It’s so true. When someone treats our kids unfairly, rudely or is just plain mean it just rises up in all mothers. Or when you have one of those moments where you don’t know where you kid is and instantly fear the worst?

I remember losing a child at Target a few years back. They had a plan and were able to locate her quickly, but me? I instantly went into a state of distress. On the inside. I was logical enough to play it cool on the outside. There’s that feeling that this person you love so much is walking around outside of your care and protection. It’s so wrong it makes us crazy!

Mama Bear popped in for a visit to me the other day. In an instant after the debriefing, I was in Mama Bear mode. I felt energy flowing through my veins. Protection to the death!

We instantly imagine the worst. It’s love and care mixed with constant worry and guilt over being the sole provider of this child’s well-being.

I think God gives us that Mama Bear nature. It is, after all, our job to protect our kids. And that’s good. However, Mama Bear syndrome can go a little too wild if we’re not careful.

Sometimes when there is a safety issue or an immediate need, it serves it’s purpose well. But other time it may cause us to act or make a call or send an email that we’ll regret. Or worse yet, a Facebook post for all the world to see. Emotions run high where our kids are concerned. As they should. As good as Mama Bear is at protecting her cubs, finesse and grace are not in her arsenal.

Sometimes Mama Bear is trying to play God. Try as we might, we cannot protect our kids from everything this world has. We cant’ protect them from accidents, sickness, death of loved ones or natural disasters. We can and should be safety minded. Car seats, helmets, seat belts are all great tools. But ultimately we have to put our hands up and realize we can’t protect them from everything.

The only one that can protect our kids truly is God. He is our eternal protector. The Mama Bear is us needs to be able to turn things over to Him. He loves our kids even more than we do. Which, quite frankly, is impossible to fathom isn’t it?

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.” John 10:27-30

So I want to use my Mama Bear card carefully. For sure, I want to protect my kids with everything I have. But I also don’t want to be so bearish that we have to live in a den away from the world. However, I wouldn’t mind hibernating all winter!

God gives us those instincts, but we need to trust Him and ask Him to help us use them in a gracious and Godly way. And search our hearts if we are willing to put them securely in God’s hands not our own.

Jesus prays for all believers in the book of John. He prays for our protection. If you aren’t a believer and want to talk about what that means, please email me or call me.

For now, soak in the prayer of Christ for you and me. And our kids.

I will remain in the world no longer, but they are still in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them by the power ofyour name, the name you gave me, so that they may be one as we are one. While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe by that name you gave me. None has been lost except the one doomed to destruction so that Scripture would be fulfilled.

“I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them. I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them bythe truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.

John 17:11-19

.

God Is Real

2011-11-16T08:35:00.001-06:00

The following is a guest post by a mystery blogger.

Some people say they don’t believe in God. To me that was crazy. Now it is ultra crazy! I am going to tell you a story about an eleven year old girl who was at a turning point in her life.

Let’s give this girl a name shall we? Let’s call her Maggie. Maggie was an eleven year old girl who had just gone to a Bright Lights conference with some friends. She was super excited. She decided to pray and read her Bible more. So when she got home that Tuesday night, she prayed. She prayed for a baby animal of any sort. Well, she kind of thought it wouldn’t happen because they already had two dogs and two bunnies. But she prayed anyway. Maggie prayed every night for six days.

On the seventh day Maggie and her mom were coming back from volleyball. When they got out of the car they heard a faint siren sound. They weren’t sure what it was but then a kitten came running out from under the porch. her mom was wary about it but Maggie wasn’t. She ran inside and told her dad about the kitten. Her sister Abby came out and wanted to help.

Maggie put blankets inside and Abby put dog food in a dish. Maggie got hot milk and put it in a bowl. They shut the gate and went inside to try to fall asleep.

In the morning all the girls (there were four of them) ran out to take care of the cat. They all wanted to help. Their mom and dad announced that they were going to try and find the owner.

The brother, Grant, wanted to know if they were going to keep it. He didn’t want to. The days flew by. Everyone had fun with the cat. On Saturday, Maggie went around to all the houses near them to see if the cat belonged to anyone. No one knew who it belonged to. So Maggie biked to the local gas station and put up a found sign and bought some cat food.

The next day Maggie’s mom got facebooked that Maggie’s bus driver was missing two calico kittens. The kids had started to call the cat Cassie. The bus driver’s daughter came and looked at the kitten. It was hers. The cat’s real name was Dolly. Maggie was disappointed for a few days but got over it.

In the process of looking for the owner of the cat, Maggie met a neighbor with kittens. She offered to give one to Maggie. Maggie’s super awesome Mom and Dad let them get a kitten to keep to replace the one they had to give back. She is an orange tabby cat. She is four months old and they named her Juliette. Here is a picture.

Oh by the way, Maggie’s real name is Jenna. Jenna Keller. Yep, you guessed it. I was that little girl. Juliette still lives to the day. So that just proves God is real and he answers prayers. Whenever in doubt think about me and the cats, then pray. God listens. I can promise you that.

Priorities

2011-11-15T08:27:00.001-06:00

Everyone is busy. Especially at this time of the year. Even though we don’t want to be too busy, we love busy.

“How are you?”

“Busy!”

Being busy can be good. Grant and Jenna had a great fall sports season. Those are great learning and growing experiences. We are starting basketball season, always a highlight of our winter.

Busy can get you out of stuff too. When asked to do something we don’t really want to do anyway, we can plead busy. And everyone is like, yeah ok you are busy. Busy is a free pass.

My friend and I were debriefing after a conference about busyness with our kids and the many things we are involved in. She was wondering if it wouldn’t be just as beneficial to stay home and play a board game as it is running to yet another event or club.

I agree. We run in so many directions trying to please the kids. Or ourselves as Moms. There are lots of good things out there to be involved in. If you have a few kids, before you know it the busy train is out of control.

Whether we get involved in too much due to trying to keep the kids happy or trying to fill in the empty the result can be the same: total drain of quality family time.

It’s hard to find a balance. It’s hard to say no. When I say no or back out of things I worry about hurting people’s feeling or letting them down.

As I’m getting further along the parenting road, it’s easier to see the big picture. My aim isn’t to be involved in as much as I can. I’ll never be able to give my kids every opportunity no matter how hard I try.

My job is to point my kids to Christ. My job is to be there for them. That should be an honor and a privilege from God, not a burden I try to run away from.

So I put my money where my mouth is. I don’t know how much worth that statement has because my mouth is way bigger than any amount of money I’ll ever have. Maybe I bit the bullet and quit.

We backed out of a club. We backed out of a lesson. I don’t feel bad about it at all. I feel free. I’m less of a wreck about getting to all our stuff. The kids don’t really seem to care. In fact, they are happy about it.

Last night I decided not to run out on my family to get to Bible study social night. I don’t like skipping things but we were having a great dinner. There was much laughter. Then we got out Scrabble and played that with the older kids. I realized I didn’t have to bug out. And I didn’t want to.

Our family has a favorite TV show. All of us love it. We named our cat after one of the characters. We don’t have cable so we have to buy a season pass on iTunes and download it each week. So we have to watch it on the computer. The first night the kids moved the couches and chairs and set them up movie theater style. I wasn’t too thrilled with that at first. But as I was in the kitchen making popcorn, I thought big picture.

In ten years will I mind that we moved the furniture one night a week and ate popcorn in the living room? Or will I remember these glory days of the family all together?

TV nights and game nights solidify this fact in my mind: THIS IS THE STUFF! This is the stuff that matters. Not if they were in gymnastics or hockey or dance or art club or girl scouts or boy scouts or 4H. Doing stuff together is my priority. Everything else better be ready to get out of the way.

Joy Sucker~ Part 2

2011-11-13T21:31:00.001-06:00

There are a lot of people that can be joy suckers. I’m sure I have been one, maybe without even realizing it. Which is a good reminder to give grace to joy suckers instead of just being mad or hurt.

The other big joy sucker in life though are circumstances. When life is good, we are healthy, there is money in the bank, people like us I tend to feel joyful.

But is that really joy? Joy is not just happiness. If I let my circumstances dictate my joy level, I’m pretty much doomed to defeat. This world we live in is a tough place. People are mean. Families are fractured. Jobs are demanding. Money is tight. Health is fragile. Futures are uncertain. It doesn’t take long living here to realize it’s not all unicorns and bubble gum.

I’ve been experiencing growing frustrations in several areas. And it seems that it has sucked my joy. I am indifferent about a lot of things because I’m weary of the battle. When I hit this point I find myself going through the motions or just trying to get through the next thing.

But again, if my joy is based on Jesus Christ and his glorious salvation, it doesn’t matter what is going on around me. I’ll be filled with unmatchable, unexplainable joy. Joy in the hope that is to come. Joy in the amazing grace of the Savior. Joy in being forgiven.

Our church meets in a school. It’s a lot of work to get things hauled in, set up and taken down every week. Now that we’ve been at this for 13 years, it’s getting tiresome for all of us. As a church we are exhausted. There aren’t that many of us.

It happens from time to time, that after cleaning up all the kids stuff and scraping play dough off the floor and hauling it all out to the van, I find that the coffee and information tables still need to be broken down. I do it but it usually involves some grumbling.

Last week, I came around the corner on my way to finish cleaning up the kid mess, to find my daughter and her friend taking down the tables. They were putting away the brochures and folding up tablecloths. But they weren’t grumbling. They were chatting and laughing. It was a beautiful scene.

Those girls were filled with joy and serving from the heart. They have gone to our church long enough that they really don’t know any different. We set up, we take down.

I hope I never forget that beautiful picture of them working together. Our circumstances don’t dictate our joy. Our joy is Jesus and He never changes. So no matter what is going on around me. No matter what makes me sad or mad or frustrated. It can’t suck my joy.

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,

though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes me feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go to the heights.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

Look up not around.

Joy Sucker ~ Part One

2011-11-11T12:22:00.001-06:00

It happened again the other day. I’ve experienced it many times before. I go to a meeting all excited about whatever it is we are planning, only to have all my joy and excitement sucked away by a joy sucker.

Oh, you know the type. They can always find something wrong with the plan, something negative to say or have some ominous comment.

It kind of reminds me of this.

So, I left yet another meeting feeling like I had been popped in the chin. Sometimes it seems easy enough to shake it. But this it just sapped all my joy. I moped around like a limp noodle for a few days. I couldn’t really focus and I felt like I had been hit by a truck.

I called God out on this one. I mean, really, what gives? Here we are working, working, working for Him and this is what we get?

Do you know what happened? I started to think of Bible verses. Verses that made me realize that if some joy sucker can steal my joy, then I’m doing something wrong.

If my joy is in plans or events or meetings, it will be really easy to strip it away. But, if my joy is in Christ no one can suck it away.

“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord. I will be joyful in God my Savior.” Habakkuk 3:17-18

“I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.” John 15:11

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

When I feel like my joy is all sucked up and don’t want to press on, I have to wonder where is my joy coming from? If it’s from anything or anyone other than Jesus Christ I’ve got problems. Then the whole world becomes a giant joy sucker.

When Christ is my joy, it’s everlasting. No one can suck it away.

Why Do We Live Here?

2011-11-03T22:13:00.001-05:00

I have to admit I ask myself why we live here a lot over the winter months. It’s a valid question. It gets cold. It snows. It lasts for months.

This fall has been totally miraculous though. Trick or Treating weather was beautiful! And the candy collecting is pretty awesome. We go to houses that give us pounds of candy.

Today the calendar said November 3rd, but it was sunny and warm. I had a hot date at my favorite place, the lake.

Today is the kind of day that I wonder why everyone doesn’t live here.

Soon enough winter will come and I’ll be frozen and crabby and wondering why on earth we live here. But for today, I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else.

Why Does God Take Away?

2011-10-25T11:08:00.001-05:00

Church people really like to preach about how God answers prayers. We love to tell stories of how God provided. Miracles and angels. The bigger, more amazing story the better. I have to admit that I did that just the other day in Sunday school.

Our lesson was on the coming birth of John the Baptist (Luke 1:5-25). His parents were old and wanted children. An angel came and told them they would have a son. I wanted to use a more modern example, so I told the kids about Jenna and the kitten.

She had been praying for a baby animal to take care of and last week there was a lost kitten under our deck. What a great story! God answered the prayer of a young girl for an animal. It fit perfectly with the lesson.

The kids wanted to keep the cat. But since we found the kitten, we’ve been asking our neighbors if they are missing a cat. Jenna put up a sign at the gas station. I could just tell that with every neighbor that said it wasn’t theirs her hopes grew. She was hoping that the cat could be hers.

Sunday night we heard from a farm down the road. They were missing two cats. Their daughter came down to look at it and it was hers. She was so happy that she was a little teary. The kitten had been gone for three weeks so they figured it was gone. Jenna gave it back and I think she was happy for them. We knew that it might just be our job to take care of it for a little while.

After she had been in a bed a while, she came back out crying. I had to wonder what kind of answer to prayer that was. We love the dramatic stories and concrete answers to our prayers. That didn’t seem like a very good ending to answered prayer.

Why would God answer her prayer in such an amazing way only to have to give it back a week later? Come to think of it, I wonder other things about God. Why doesn’t he answer my prayers? Why does it seem so easy for everyone else? Where’s my dramatic story? Or my concrete answer?

I think more people probably have questions like that than dramatic miracles. Deep down we all know prayer doesn’t work like that. God is not a vending machine. So what’s the point? Why bother?

Certainly God does answer big at times. It shows his power and glory. Sometimes he doesn’t answer in a way we think makes sense. But He hears our prayers.

I think a lot of Job and his misery. He was a Godly man and yet he had everything taken away from him. It comes to mind even more because his words are in one of my favorite songs.

At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said:

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” Job 1:20-21

Prayer can be a matter of trust. So often I use my prayers to try to control God. To get what I want. What seems fair. Or what others have.

It’s wrong because that is such a small view of God. He owns it all. He loves me so much that He made the ultimate sacrifice. He gives, he takes away. Do I trust Him? Do I have faith in the fact that He is good and all-knowing?

Sometimes he takes things that are much more difficult than a lost little kitten.

I went to a funeral for a young man recently. When I saw his little six year old son crying his eyes out I thought my heart might break into pieces. Where is God in that?

I’ll never understand. The pain on this earth can be horrendous. But if we trust Christ, it is temporary! We’ll leave this world and enter into eternal glory.

For an eleven year old, giving up the kitten she thought was God’s answer to her prayers could be a faith buster. But it can also be a faith builder. In little things, we learn to let God reign. We can learn to trust. We can learn to love and take care of what he’s given us while we have it. To praise Him. And let go, when he takes it.

Animal Prayers

2011-10-19T10:38:00.001-05:00

I’m not an animal lover. Well, I didn’t used to be until God blessed me with kids that do. Now we have two dog and two bunnies. I feel overly satisfied with that.

I went to pick Jenna up late last night from the volleyball bus. When we got out of the car, I heard a funny sound. It sounded like the alarms were going off at the gas plant again. It’s always comforting to know there could be an explosion at any moment a stone’s throw from your house. But it was too soft. Maybe an explosion would be better than what we actually found.

It sounded like… meowing? Jenna hopped out of the car and went running.

“A cat, a cat! There’s a cat under the deck”.

And so there was. It is actually a very friendly kitten. She went in and woke Abby.

“Can we keep it?” they echoed in unison.

“Why not? As long as it doesn’t come in the house.” I said.

“You let two wild dogs in the house, but you won’t let one little kitten in?” they said.

Mike is concerned. He doesn’t like cats. But more because he feels like people are going to think he drugged me or something. Maybe he’s abusing the submission principle and forcing me to acquire animals now that we are done having babies.

He says if we feed a cat it will never go away. Then he goes to get some dog food for it, which it wolfed right down.

They got a blanket for it and put it in our pet carrier for the night.

As the girls are getting into bed, Jenna starts jumping up and down.

“I’ve been praying for a baby animal to take care of!”

How do you argue with that? It’s seriously a dream come true for them. A concrete answer to the prayer of an eleven year old.

When they woke up this morning they ran to tell Annie. All three girls were on my bed at 6:30 a.m., they couldn’t have been more excited had it been Christmas.

We told them we have to try to find out if it belongs to anyone. We are not Keller Animal Rescue.

This morning Maren and I put it in the kennel to keep it away from the dogs.

It got right out and made itself at home on the deck.

Buddy and Daisy are very curious. I have spent most of my morning playing pet rescuer. It makes sense, since I am the one who loves animals so much. I even picked the darn thing up.

One thing I’ve learned this year is that pets are a great experience for kids. It teaches them responsibility and breeds love.

How can you not go with it when it especially when it comes in the form of answered prayer?

We’ll definitely call our neighbors to see if anyone is missing a cat. It’s possible the answer to prayer is just taking care of it for a while.

It’s also possible that we’ll buy a little cat food when we are out on errands this morning.

Needed

2011-10-18T10:01:00.001-05:00

There are days I wonder what I’m doing here. People have always wondered why I stay home. Even when all my kids were little and it would have cost a million dollars a week to put them all in day care. I think lots of people felt sorry for me. And often times I felt sorry for myself too.

Giving to our kids is a thankless job. They need food. They need clean clothes. They need to be cleaned up after. All they do is take, take, take. It’s exhausting.

This morning while I was still in bed, I heard stomping and complaining because a jersey wasn’t clean for today. What she didn’t know is that I had stayed up late getting it washed after last night’s game and it was in the drier.

I put dinner in the oven last night before I left. There was no praise for that. Well, except my husband’s thanks, but who cares about that. No one wrote on Facebook or Twitter about how great it was for me to cook or stay up late washing my kids’ clothes.

I just spent an hour putting together a princess puzzle on the floor. I hate puzzles. It’s an hour that I didn’t get anything else done. I think it’s God’s sense of humor that my kids like them so much.

I think that’s why I fall into the trap of looking for a bunch of other things to fill my days with. Things that will give me praise and a sense of achievement.

Whether you have a paid job or not, we all seek to fill up our days with stuff. We get involved in committees and activities. We do all sorts of stuff that people will rave over us for because it makes us feel good.

Even if we have a paycheck and a career, it never feels like enough. We bring our kids to countless activities because others will see what “good” moms we are. At times, all that extra stuff is a negative for our family. It leaves me exhausted and cranky. And all of a sudden doing the stuff around here seems like a prison sentence.

Last night while I was doing the laundry I found myself surfing through the job listings. All of a sudden I wondered what on earth was I doing?

Having a job and being on committees can all be good. But why do we buy the lie that what we do at home for our families isn’t important or valuable? Or use outside things as an escape or to fill a void? Do we really believe that mothering isn’t enough. It’s not a big contribution. And maybe by investing in it, I’m shortchanging myself.

Well, I doubt anyone would want my job. And no one should. It’s my family that God has blessed me with. It’s an honor to serve them by spending time doing puzzles and supporting them by cleaning their clothes, feeding them and making sure they brush their teeth.

It’s a blessing to have kids. A gift from God. So I need to choose to care for them with joy. And love them with God’s love. When I do, the feelings follow and God provides the strength.

Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that. Ephesians 5:1-2 (The Message)

Nothing we do is unnoticed by God.

“Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. “So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. Matthew 6:1-4

God treasures the things we do for Him. Even the things no one else notices or sees, He rewards.

Don’t believe the lie that mothering is not important. Don’t go looking for lesser things to busy yourself with for a little empty praise. Look to Jesus. He loves you and has given you a gift in your family.

The added benefit is day by day, I’m changing. I’m learning to rely on Him and stay humble. Because, seriously, what’s more humble than washing your kids’ dirty sports clothes or changing diapers or making bottles in the middle of the night?

Our kids aren’t obstacles, they are gifts from God. Serve them with joy!

Committed

2011-10-17T12:14:00.001-05:00

We’ve been reading missionary stories in our house again lately. They always have such a big impact on us. We read about people facing gun fire, starvation, unfriendly soldiers and they continue to stand firm for Christ. They didn’t back down or run home. Even if it meant death.

I had also recently read a story about a pastor in Iran that was scheduled to be executed for his faith. This kind of stuff doesn’t just happen in missionary story books. There are people all over the world giving their lives for Christ. Risking their freedom to attend church. Willing to go to jail to bring God’s word to others.

Here in America we have access to Bibles, churches, websites, podcasts. We have the freedom to worship and share Jesus with others. And what do we do?

We whine because we get home late on Sundays. We’re hungry. We might miss the kick off of the football game.

We don’t want to commit to helping out at church because it might tie us down. We want to be able to sleep in or go out of town on weekends.

We don’t take time to read the bible but we spend hours a day reading blogs, Facebook and twitter. We watch hours of TV or movies, but can’t give an hour a week to serve.

We leave a church because we want our needs to be met. Maybe we even get a little from different churches. We like the music at one place, youth group at another, and Bible study at yet another.

I have people tell me that we are just a busy culture. People are working more. People are running more. But isn’t it a busy we choose? We don’t have to work nearly as hard at surviving as people used to.

We are busy chasing around. Trying to do more things, please ourselves, make more money so we can buy more things.

And all of a sudden no one has time for God. Or church.

Church attendance is certainly not the end all or be all of being a Christian. But God calls us to serve.

“Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Matthew 20:28

To share.

After this the Lord appointed seventy-twoothers and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go. He told them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field. Luke 10:1-2

To commit.

Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. Mark 8:34-35

If we just take from churches without being committed to them, how will their ministry continue? How will they accomplish God’s work?

If we live selfishly and only squeeze God in when it’s convenient for us, are we really following Him?

Is Jesus Christ something you believe in or just another activity on your list? I probably won’t be asked to die or go to jail for my faith. But can I die to myself and be committed to Him?

When we have the desire and make the choice to commit ourselves to Him, He’ll give us the strength to do it.

I want to live my life in a way that reflects the passion of the missionaries in our book. I want to be fully committed to Him. And if everyone else falls away, Lord, give me the strength to keep standing.

What am I Going to do with Myself?

2011-10-12T11:41:00.001-05:00

Last week as I was musing about the change of seasons in my life, people’s question “What are you going to do with yourself now?” kept nagging.

Not to worry, I have lots of things to do. Besides all the cooking, cleaning, laundry and shopping there is to do to keep a family of seven going, there is also piano lessons, sports, church stuff and 4H. We have two dogs and one rabbit. Plus, I like to read and try to exercise.

So, just because Maren is spending 8 hours a week at preschool, I’m not exactly free as a bird.

At the same time, things are getting easier. I can do projects without being interrupted as often. The kids do not need constant supervision like they did when they were babies and toddlers. I can kind of, sort of remember those days.

So, what am I going to do? Now that my time constraints and responsibilities are changing, what does God want from me? I did enjoy a little alone time last week. That’s good to do. But more time doesn’t mean I should become more self-involved and turn inward.

I think I found some guidance in some verses I was reading last week. One of my favorite verses for a long time has been:

“The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.” Isaiah 58:11

It’s underlined in my bible. Who doesn’t want to be satisfied and strengthened? Something I have learned doing inductive Bible studies over the past few years though, is that you have to read the verse in context. What’s before it, and after. What is going on in history?

Well, if you read the verses right before those, that are not underlined or highlighted, it says this:

“If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday.” Isaiah 58:9b-10

These verses come when God is pleading with Israel to come back to him and turn their back on stubbornness and idolatry. He is telling them that although they legalistically continue to fast, when their hearts are not right with Him and they continue to sin it means nothing.

That’s why in Isaiah 58:6-7, he says,

“Is this not the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter – when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?”

It seems that God is interested in me using my time for others. Spending myself for the oppressed and needy. Not using every extra minute for my own selfish desires.

My heart is so heavy for women. There are so many pressures and hurts that it feels impossible to make it through life. Maybe there are ways I can use my time to encourage other women around me. It might be as simple (and delicious) as having a cup of coffee.

My heart is especially heavy for young moms. It is a hard stage of life. Oh, it’s super wonderful too. But the exhausting, relentless needs of babies and toddlers wears on you. It did on me. And I don’t think I even realized it.

One way I could spend myself for others is to offer help to other moms. Maybe I could babysit for an afternoon so they could get a little alone time. Maybe at the lake. Or maybe just a nap.

I just about had an epic fail already. One of my friends needed me to watch her two and four year old today. I really didn’t want to. How would I get all my stuff done while chasing a two year old? Plus, I’m kind of over changing diapers.

But guess what? Having a two year old here is absolutely delightful. I fed her doughnuts and candy corn which I’m sure her mom will appreciate when she tries to put her down for a nap.

There are people around me that need help. They may not be a slave or walking around with no clothes but they need the love of Jesus. It’s plain to see that God wants me to use my time for that. To spend myself. Not just spend on myself.

And as Isaiah says,

“Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here I am.” Isaiah 58:8-9

Tourists In Our Backyard

2011-10-04T10:12:00.000-05:00

Our neighbor has a corn maze. My mom and I walked over there with the girls this weekend for a little tourist trip. In our own backyard. Well, technically it’s in our front yard.

Maren was very excited about filling in all the blanks on her map.

They also had a hay bale maze.

And lots of pumpkins.

Photo ops!

We gave some real tourists directions.

Then we walked back home.

Date Night

2011-10-03T09:53:00.001-05:00

My husband and I are not romantics. We love each other and love to be together but don’t get into the mushy stuff. We aren’t good at fancy dates.

Our friends gave us a gift certificate for a dinner cruise on Lake Superior. They moved away before they had a chance to use it. We were bound and determined to use it for two reasons. One, because we’re cheap. And two, because we would be the type that would not get around to making a reservation and let it go to waste.

I feel like I deserve extra credit date points for trying to wear a scarf.

As we pulled out on the water, I got this crazy, caged up feeling. Like I’m stuck on this boat with these people and I can’t get away for two hours! I think a cruise is not my future.

On the boat you are seated with strangers. We sat down to a couple on their honeymoon. Oh, the pressure! We didn’t want to be the weird people that ruined their honeymoon. That helped us behave and not be super sarcastic.

Dinner was fine, but it felt like work. We spend a lot of time at weddings and events making small talk with people we don’t know. I like to talk, but it isn’t exactly my idea of a fun date.

We braved the cold air to try to take in the views. Please note if you ever take one of these cruises, do it in the summer! This is the only picture we got. I think it’s blurry because the lady who took it was in the early stages of hypothermia.

After we got off, we walked over to Caribou and had a great time.

Our date coincided nicely with the end of the 30 day husband challenge. We haven’t always done a good job of getting away and doing things by ourselves, but it’s really important. It’s worth the time and effort. It’s worth the money for a babysitter. It’s always good to take the time to be together and do something different.

The Lone Ranger

2011-09-30T09:33:00.001-05:00

I love my family.

I love the chaos, noise, the piles of shoes. Sometimes, though, I can’t help but feel like I’m being suffocated. Everyone needs me. Everyone wants something from me. I can rarely complete a task without being interrupted. It takes lots of time to keep up on the house, laundry and cooking plus squeeze in quality time with everyone.

Even though I love people and activity, I’m a little bit of a loner. I do like some time to myself. That has been nearly impossible to come by for the last decade, except for a midnight trip to the grocery store.

When people hear Maren is in preschool they usually ask me, “What are you going to do with yourself?”

Let me tell you, I have some ideas. It might be nice to take a ride and listen to what I want on the radio. Park where I want, go where I want, eat what I want.

Wednesday during preschool I did the mom thing. Errands and baking and housework. Yesterday, I thought I should whoop it up a little. I had it all planned out.

It involved these

and this

and this.

I wanted to go jog on the Lakewalk. It’s my favorite place, but no one in my family shares my desire to go there all the time!

It was not meant to be. The weather was rainy, windy and cold. The last place you want to be on a day like that is on the shore of Lake Superior. I pouted a little.

However, I spent a nice afternoon in my quiet house. It was so peaceful. I did use my shoes and iPod and hopped on the treadmill. However this view,

could never match this one.

I’ll find another nice fall day to go to the Lakewalk. And have a cup of Caribou. But even staying at home was a nice breather today. Just a little time to myself. Time to think. Time to recharge. Time to be alone.

They key is to find a way to reenergize myself so that after a little bit of time to breathe, I am ready to go back to my crazy, suffocating, full life and love it.

Seasons Change

2011-09-28T21:01:00.001-05:00

I love the change of seasons. Even though at times I want to hold on to the heat of summer. And I dread the coming of winter. But to be sure as summer heat gives way to cool evenings and leaves burst into brilliant colors,

the seasons change. There is no way to stop it.

So it is with life. Time marches on, things change.

Today was Maren’s first day of preschool. She’ll be gone three afternoons a week. I’ve had babies and toddlers in the house for 13 years. I thought the day would never come when the last one would have somewhere else to go besides here.

She packed her backpack.

Chose a dress and did her hair.

And happily walked out the door.

Her Dad and I took her to lunch before her big day.

We picked up her friend.

They walked up the stairs and into a whole new season filled with teachers, friends and school.

There was no clinging or crying. Just big smiles. Which was really nice after the last time I brought someone to preschool!

She found her name tag. And some friends to play with.

I left and walked into my own new season. I went to the grocery store alone. And it wasn’t midnight.

I’m driving a big empty van.

There was no one to fight over who got to lick the beater of cookie dough. So I did.

She came off the bus beaming and talked about school all through dinner.

My favorite season has always been fall. I love the cooler weather and beautiful colors. But I hate what comes next so I started to rethink if I should love fall after all.

Every season has a beauty of it’s own: the new growth in spring, the warmth of summer, the colors of fall and the coziness of winter. I can’t keep it fall forever, so I may as well embrace and enjoy every season as it comes.

In weather and in life.

Don’t Suck It Up

2011-09-27T21:48:00.001-05:00

I’ve been known to tell my kids to suck it up. Not in those exact words, but the message is the same. When one of my kids came home complaining about some things on the bus the other day, I told her to get over it and make do because she is on the bus for all of five minutes.

I was having a conversation with someone last week who has been married way longer than I have. She was telling me about the difficult times they have struggled through over the years.

She commented that sometimes you can’t change the way things, or more specifically husbands, are. You have to just accept it, live with it and make the best of it. She patted me on the knee and said, “You know how it is.”

And I thought, no I don’t. I don’t know how it is. It’s no secret that we’ve had our issues in marriage. But I realized that day some people might think that we’ve just decided to make the best of it and live with it. It is what it is. Maybe they want to sympathetically pat me on the knee and figure Mike and I are just sucking it up.

I feel like I need to shout from the rooftops that is NOT TRUE! We aren’t just making do because it’s the right thing to do, or for the kids or because it’s easier or because God would want us to. Although there is some truth to all of that.

In fact, me sucking it up led to problems. Our false belief that it would be easier not to deal with issues and let it be, led to bitterness and resentment. Those are a lethal combination in marriage, or any relationship for that matter.

So why are we still married if we aren’t just doing the right thing?

We’re happily married because we are redeemed. God redeems us from our sins by paying the price for us through Jesus. He redeemed our marriage through forgiveness. We aren’t just making do, we’ve been made new. There is a big difference.

Our marriage has been bought back through God’s grace. It’s better than it was. It’s deep and real. The “it is what it is” mentality is shallow, but choosing to forgive each other is deep.

I am thankful and thrilled to be married to my husband. I hope he feels the same. When issues come up, we work at handling them with grace, not avoidance. We work together. We help each other.

What good is it to be celebrating a milestone anniversary if you are obviously unhappy? When you still woefully recount all the wrongs that have been committed? Or try to punish your spouse for past wrongs?

That is not redemption. When we are redeemed we are bought back by Jesus Christ. We are made new.

So don’t waste your time sucking it up. Let Christ redeem it. There is peace and joy and contentment in His redemption. It’s deep and real.

Maybe you still need to be redeemed from your sin. Jesus is waiting for everyone to come to him and accept His sacrifice. He wants to buy us back from a life of sin. Then He can redeem our relationships as well.

There’s a better way. Don’t suck it up.

Therefore the redeemed of the LORD shall return, and come with singing unto Zion; and everlasting joy shall be upon their head: they shall obtain gladness and joy; and sorrow and mourning shall flee away.

Isaiah 51:11

Tooth Fairy

2011-09-19T20:57:00.001-05:00

Twitter-Infused Envy?

2011-09-17T10:47:00.001-05:00

I don’t tweet much, except for a few friends and my Dad. But I do like to read stuff on twitter. There are a lot of inspirational people to follow and it’s an easy way to read articles from authors I like in one place.

One of my favorite people that I follow is Beth Moore. There is no doubt that she is a gifted Bible teacher. Her Bible studies have been life changing for me. But her tweets are so cute. Often times they are encouraging. Many of them focus on silly things at the ministry or her grandchildren. None of them are self-focused at all.

She’s been tweeting about a new church her daughter and son-in-law are planting. She and her husband are attending there. My first reaction when I read that was an ugly feeling of…was it envy?

I mean, my husband and I planted a church 13 years ago. We love it here and are so thankful for what God has done in our church. For sure, it isn’t because of us in anyway. We were 22 years old when we started, we had no idea what we were doing. But, truth be told,

It’s been a hard road. We grow, then shrink and repeat. People leave. It hurts. We can’t compete with the bigger churches around us as far as programs and services. We are limited by not having a building and tight finances.

As I was reading the tweets about this new church I thought,

“Wow, it must be nice to have a mom and attender that has thousands of followers to tweet to.”

“I’m sure they’ll have no problem growing and thriving.”

“They’ll probably build a huge building in 6 months.”

All the while, we struggle to put enough money together to buy a used sound system. It doesn’t seem fair. It seems so easy for some people.

Just as soon as those thoughts entered my heart, God graciously got a hold of me. He brought a lot of truth to my wandering heart. I have learned and know that there is no room for those kind of thoughts in ministry or Christian life. We’re all in this together, working for the same prize.

“For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake.”

2 Corinthians 4:5

By feeling that way, I am not trusting Jesus. Or that He is in control of all things. This is HIS church, not mine. It’s His plan to grow or shrink a church. Our job is to be faithful to what He has called us to do.

As we’ve grown close to others in ministry around us, it’s shown me that we all have the same hurts and pressures. It’s never easy. You can’t please everyone. But we’re all on the same team.

It’s possible that supporting others in ministry might be one of our biggest callings. If we can comfort each other and encourage one another to persevere, then the work of God can march on. If we are envious and competing against one another, then Satan wins.

There was a day in church a few years ago that was pure torture for me. Mike didn’t happen to be there. But another Pastor and his wife was. And having them there, just there to be with me and understand made a huge difference in my life and ultimately the outcome of our ministry. I don’t think I’m being overly dramatic about that.

Honestly, I think God was so good to us by making our church planting experience a hard road. I can’t imagine the issues of pride I would have had we grown super fast or had things “easier”. And I’ve got enough issues as it is.

So, I’m praying for this new fellowship in Texas. For God to be with them and do what He wills through them. The same thing I’m praying for our little fellowship.

This passage from Psalm 115:1 is a great reminder to me when I am tempted to feel “christian” envy:

Not to us, LORD, not to us
but to your name be the glory,
because of your love and faithfulness.

I think we all have to check our hearts on envy. Whether it involved envy of people’s jobs, kids, houses or so called “easy” life. It’s all in God’s hands and plans. We just need to be faithful.

And once I own the fact that it’s not about me or what I want, it’s a privilege to pray for and support those around me. Whether I know them in real life, or just through a few little tweets.

Recycle and Rediscovery

2011-09-15T12:00:00.001-05:00

I’m discovering some hidden benefits of cleaning. Recycle and Rediscovery.

Recycle:

I am giving away two Easy Bake Ovens. Really.

Although they are adorable and a staple girl Christmas gift, I've found they are stupid. I mean we did have a little fun. But why buy a mix to make a crumby little cake cooked by a light bulb? I’d rather put my big girl apron on and make real cookies together that taste good. So away they go.

Rediscover:

I seriously forgot we had a Light Bright in the back of the girls’ closet. It was a tough toy when we had little babies and toddlers putting things in their mouths and maybe that’s why it got tucked away. But boy did Maren have fun playing with it.

We did patterns and shapes. We talked about colors. That’s definitely staying.

Recycle:

See the exercise ball in the background? Since I rarely use it for exercise I sent it to school with my daughter. Her forward thinking teacher lets the kids sit on them during class. It helps with the wiggles.

I’ll probably get another one though. I think it would help with my jiggles.

Rediscover:

I bought these little candle holders on a trip with my sister-in-law before they moved away from Duluth. That was…seven or eight YEARS ago. They’ve been lost in my closet since then.

I hung them in the bathroom in place of the horribly tacky berry wreath I had in there. It was probably tacky when I bought it at Wal-Mart for $7. But six years later? Yeah that was destined for the dump.

Recycle and rediscover.

Welcome to the Jungle

2011-09-14T11:25:00.001-05:00

As if my house isn’t enough of a zoo with five kids and two dogs, we have another animal problem.

When I tried to get into the closet in the girls room I was met with some resistance from the jungle animals. The girls love stuffed animals. Where do they all come from? It seems like they appear out of thin air, but I guess they mainly come as birthday and Christmas presents. We went through the Care Bare, Build-a Bear and Webkinz phase. Now we have over 60 stuffed animals that all usually end up in a pile like this.

I had put them all in a rubbermaid in the closet last time I tried to organize and that didn’t work. They kept escaping. So I took all the stuffed animals I could find and lined them up on the bed, ~~execution style~~ neatly. I was tempted to just toss them when the kids were gone, but I didn’t.

The girls and I worked together on deciding which ones should go.

We filled up a garbage bag bound for Saver’s. It was hard but they handled it pretty well.

Then I did the unthinkable. I ordered something dreadful to help with animal control.

I don’t know why I have such distaste for Pet Nets. I just think they are tacky. I don’t know why I care, since I am obviously not the queen of class when it comes to decorating.

I knew it was the only way so I ordered not one, but two of those dreadful things. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Isn’t it tacky? I don’t like it but I do like being able to vacuum and walk into the walk-in closet without being attacked by a mob of animals.

F*ll Cl**n*ng

2011-09-12T22:07:00.001-05:00

I love fall. But it becomes a dirty word when you pair it with cleaning. Why would I want to waste the beautiful fall weather cleaning out closets?

Over the last ten years, the amount of infants and toddlers in the house has been a really good excuse not to clean. There were several years that I was busy and overtired with little kids. I hosted several bible studies a week and would “clean” the main living area in the house by dumping the rest of the mess in my room or storage room.

It’s hard to put things away when there isn’t a place for them. It’s hard to clean when there is stuff piled up in the corners. It’s hard to concentrate when my house feels out of control. It catches up with you when you realize you can’t shut the door to a closet or get into the storage room.

This summer it hit me. We were staying at my cousin’s farmhouse. It’s furnished but he doesn’t live there. Thanks to my aunt’s decorating skills, it’s kind of like a bed and breakfast.

It was so nice and peaceful that I started thinking maybe he would want to rent it to us. It wasn’t just because it is so picturesque with the barn.

And the lake. And the sunsets over the lake.

It was wonderful because there was no junk in there. No clutter. No toys. No wrappers and crumbs under the couches or bed. And I realized that my house could be much more peaceful if we didn’t have so much junk.

And since then I have been on a cleaning frenzy. You know when you get to the point that you are so sick of stuff that you just want to get rid of everything? I am taking advantage of that.

I’m no organizational or cleaning expert. Just a girl with a lot of kids and a medium sized house. It doesn’t take a lot of talent or pricey organizational gadgets. I just have a list of all the areas that need to be worked on. It’s long. I’m working on one room at a time. One of the keys is to accept that it’s going to take a while. It took several years to get to this point and it will take more than a few days to fix it.

I started in ours and the bigger girls’ bedroom. I made three piles: throw away, give away and put away.

I went through the closets and dressers and corners of the room and was ruthless. If we hadn’t seen it or used it in a while, it had to go.

I took two big bags to Saver’s and two big bags to the dump. I vacuumed all the crevices and reorganized the closets. And even washed the windows. It’s pretty sad how rarely I’ve done that job.

When we finished, we rearranged the furniture in the girls’ room. They were thrilled. We had enough room to unbunk their beds, so they can both have a dog to sleep with.

Do you have ugly closets lurking? Why not make a list of those yucky jobs that need to be done. When I’m done, I still won’t have a farmhouse on the lake but I’ll be able to breathe easier. Less mess, less to put away, less to dust and less to vacuum around. Peace.

I’ve been taking pictures of the ugly process. Tomorrow, I’ll tell you about my battle with the stuffed animal monster.

Fall Brunch Recipe

2011-09-06T13:57:00.001-05:00

The kids went back to school today. I took the cliché pictures.

Because that’s what Mom’s do.

We’ve become the people that take their dogs to the bus stop so they won’t miss out.

Maren was ready to head to the mall as soon as the bus pulled away. But we had other plans.

We had our mommy friends over for brunch. The house was full of women and babies. I just love my house full. Especially of babies!

Instead of droning on and on about my feelings as the kids start another year of school again this year, I thought I’d just share this recipe with you. It’s the perfect a fall brunch. Babies optional.

Apple-Stuffed French Toast

That’s a link to the Taste of Home site. I absolutely could never come up with anything this good!

Ingredients:

1 cup packed brown sugar

1/2 cup butter, cubed

2 tablespoons light corn syrup

1 cup chopped pecans

12 slices Italian bread

2 large tart apples, peeled and thinly sliced

6 eggs

1 1/2 cups milk

1 1/2 teaspoons round cinnamon

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Caramel Sauce:

1/2 cup packed brown sugar

1/4 cup butter, cubed

1 tablespoon light corn syrup

Directions:

In a small saucepan, combine the brown sugar, butter and corn syrup;

Cook and stir over medium heat until thickened.

Pour into a greased 9x13 baking dish.

Top with half of the pecans (which I didn’t add to this pan), a single layer of bread and remaining pecans.

In a large bowl, whisk the eggs, milk, cinnamon, vanilla, salt and nutmeg.

Pour over bread.

Cover and refrigerate overnight. Remove from refrigerator 30 minutes before baking. Bake, uncovered, at 350 for 35-40 minutes or until lightly browned.

In a small saucepan, combine the sauce ingredients. Cook and stire over medium heat until thickened. Serve with french toast.

The ingredients to this are more like a dessert, which is why I like it so much!

I better get my back to school cookies baked before the bus comes!

It’s the Middle of a Holiday weekend, but…

2011-09-03T21:38:00.002-05:00

this is important. I can fully admit that I am a cynic when it comes to “Christian” stuff. I was raised in the world of Christian radio and hymn sings and it was all good. But sometimes I am just a little stand-offish with cliché Christian stuff. Unfortunately, I think my cynisim mainly amounts to pride.

Last week, a friend invited me to an event on FaceBook. It’s the kind of thing I usually roll my eyes at, a 30 Day Husband Challenge. This friend is one of the least cheesy, cliché Christian people I can think of. She’s just plain awesome. So I checked it out. I wanted to click that I would join but I couldn’t. Is it even possible to go one month without saying anything negative to or about my husband? That just seems like crazy talk.

I don’t want to be pushed out of my comfort zone and give more in my marriage. Because seriously, how much more can I be expected to give?

Let me ask you, have you had the experience of seeing a marriage break up that just knocked your socks off? I mean there are some marriage splits that are not shocking at all. Maybe even expected. Then there are marriages that implode when they seem like they were rock solid. Do you know what I wonder in cases like that? How does that happen and how do I make sure it doesn’t happen to me?

I haven’t forgotten that we’ve had some implosions in our own marriage that without the grace of God could have ended the same way. We have mini implosions more often than I would like to admit. But for the most part, things are good. We are more romantic and spend more time alone thanks to some of our kids being babysitting age now. We are doing all the “right” things. But that isn’t always enough.

After trying to avoid the “challenge”, I decided to do it. I signed up for the emails. And day one: epic fail. I do mean epic. Some of the anger and frustration I’ve been dealing with that are totally unrelated to my marriage came to the surface and it wasn’t pleasant. Really? Day one of the stinkin’ challenge to encourage my husband and I go on an all-out rant.

As Mike and I were talking today, we realized that the truth is we are all just a step or two away from implosion. Bitterness and resentment build into a nasty storm. Frustration breeds anger and annoyance.

The key seems to be in not acting on or giving in to those emotions. I had thoughts of taking off for the weekend or at least making his life miserable for a while. It sometimes takes time for me to get my head back on straight. We had a long and difficult and honest chat last night instead of pretending everything was a-ok. That was our old way.

It helps to just own the fact that we are not perfect and neither is our marriage. So I’m going to press on with the challenge even though I’m cynical. And a huge failure. And lots of other things I’d rather not list here.

We’re all in the line of fire if we are married. Satan does not want us to succeed. It’s hard work. Sometimes one or two things that aren’t even that big of a deal can make us snap.

I want to encourage you to join me in encouraging. Here’s the link to Revive Our Hearts. I want to move away from an implosion, not towards it. I think this is a good start.

September

2011-09-02T10:20:00.001-05:00

When school is done

and summer has come

It’s a relief to be free

of the grind of getting up early

It’s nice to be lazy

and a little bit crazy

and play with our Daisy

But once September rolls around

we’re ready for routine and organization to abound

there’s something sweet about getting supplies

and trying to be somewhat organized

Just to be sure you are not alone

It’s necessary to talk to your friends on the phone

(and have your mom not post pictures of it on her blog)

Who doesn’t love new pencils sharpened just right

but zip drives and calculators are sort of a fright

Ok, who snuck the X-Men movie into the cart?

Don’t tell me that was on the list in any part

The weather is getting cool

and we’re ready for school

I Hate Goodbyes.

2011-08-29T16:23:00.001-05:00

I hate goodbyes. If I never have to see one of these

in front of a friend’s house again it would be too soon. Unless it’s because they are moving in next door to me. The house next door is for sale, by the way. It might be the perfect start to our commune!

This is the second time this summer we’ve said goodbye to dear friends. I don’t handle emotion very well so I stay busy and ignore the people I am sad are moving. It’s not like you help people move because you love lifting heavy stuff and cleaning. If you did that you would be a professional mover. You do it because of the love you have for them and the desire to be around them just a little longer before they must go.

This morning we were on our way to help our friends load up and I had that icky feeling in my stomach. But I had my magic rag and mop in hand and got right to work cleaning up as they loaded.

But the time comes when you have to leave and say goodbye. I’ve decided it’s okay to cry although I fight it so hard my whole face turns beat red. And summer moves are great because I’m usually wearing sunglasses.

Sometimes we have to say goodbye forever when we lose someone we love to death, not just a move. When God created man, we were meant to live forever. In the Garden of Eden there was no death or pain until sin came into the world. We weren’t made for goodbyes.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yetno one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” Ecclesiastes 3:11

All I could think about today was how I can’t wait for heaven. There will be no goodbyes there. All of us that believe in Jesus will be there together. We’ll have the closeness we long for. Forever worshipping our Savior. No pain and no tears and no death.

And I head a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be his people and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe ever tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:3-4

I long for that day. For Jesus to come back. For all of us to be together, forever.

Because I hate goodbyes.

My Standards

2011-08-29T05:54:00.001-05:00

I was never an animal lover. I used to refuse to go to the chicken swap. But my kids love animals. Apparently, I’m a total pushover.

We went to the chicken swap this weekend. They have puppies, bunnies, chickens and real maple syrup. Fortunately for me and unfortunately for Annie, they didn’t have any turtles there.

How do you say no to this? Seriously.

Don’t worry, I did. I may be cruel and heartless. And cheap.

We also didn’t buy a bunny because I think one is enough for right now. They should be thrilled I think that because honestly in my mind, none is the perfect number.

If we get two before we get a second cage, we could have twenty-two before long. Did you know that the gestation period for rabbits is like 30 ~~seconds~~ days? I learned that from a six year old.

I learned at the chicken swap that there are monthly rabbit meetings. Really. I'll waste no time getting those on my calendar. That way, a six year old can shame me with all the amazing things they know. About rabbits.

I shudder to accept the fact that we are probably joining 4H. Because we need one more thing to do. And because my kids want to learn about all this and I haven’t a blessed clue.

Although I am softening on the animal thing a bit, there is one hard and fast rule in our house.

We don’t

allow dogs

on the furniture.

I’ve got to have some standards.

What’s Grosser Than Gross?

2011-08-27T13:57:00.001-05:00

Do you remember this game? Well, now that I have five kids I feel like I am kind of an expert in gross. Everything is quiet for the night here and I am trying to clean up a bit. I couldn’t get this out of my head.

What’s grosser than gross?

My son’s dirty socks after cross country practice.

What’s grosser than gross?

The dirty laundry after a weekend away at Girl Scout camp.

What’s grosser than gross?

The smell of wet dog. Even if she is sleeping peacefully on the floor.

What’s grosser than gross?

All three of those smells mixed together!

I just can’t wait to unpack the bag from the two older kids’ cabin overnights this weekend. At least the dogs are dry right now!

Eleven

2011-08-25T12:26:00.002-05:00

Every year when my kids celebrate their birthdays or I rack my brain trying to come up with the best ever present. That we can afford. Which narrows it down a lot. But every year it seems like we think of someone that they are going to flip out over.

I’m starting to realize that this is going to be a hard gig to keep up. I mean five kids times 18 birthdays is…I have no idea, but a lot. I’m not good with numbers. It’s a lot of great cakes, it’s a lot of decorating with balloons and streamers, it’s a lot of parties.

Every year when I think it can’t get any better, it usually does. Kind of like for Christmas this year when they got a puppy. How on earth are we going to top that next year?

The thing Jenna wanted the most for her birthday was a bunny. I told her she had way too many stuffed animals already. Oh no, she wanted a real, live bunny. The kind that needs food and a cage. They poop and pee and reproduce. Yeah that was not going to happen. I already caved to the two dogs.

The thing is Jenna is hard to buy for. She doesn’t like Barbies or girlie stuff. She doesn’t play video games. She’s got a life size stuffed animal replica of the local zoo in her bed. And we’ve bought her all the sports equipment we can think of.

I’ve tried to dress her up for pictures. And it doesn’t look right for some reason. She doesn’t want to strike a pose like the other girls.

But this, this is her.

And this.

The other thing is I adore my daughter. She is growing into a super fabulous young lady. She is (generally) patient and gentle with her sisters.

She has a zest for life that is contagious.

She can do anything. Every year I think it cannot possibly get better. But it does. I love her so much already it seems impossible to grow that anymore. But we do.

Our relationship is growing in depth. We’ve had to talk about more serious issues and we have lots of fun. It’s a joy to do things with her and be around her and her friends. I’ll take it all. The good, the bad. The ugly, the sad. It really just keeps getting better.

Because of that I came to the conclusion that her gifts should keep getting better and better no matter what. So this is what she got for her birthday. Did I mention that bunnies are very reasonably priced?

Mike thought she should name him Stew, but she chose Buttons. Buttons is in his new cage happily being hand fed little chunks of carrots.

Next year maybe I’ll have to find a giraffe or a horse. By the time she’s fifteen maybe it’ll be a birthday party to the moon. And that’s fine. I think the gifts should match how much I love her. My love just keeps getting bigger and better and the best is yet to come.

When I’m Losing My Patience

2011-08-24T23:56:00.001-05:00

There are days when it takes every last bit of patience I have to raise my kids. Or even be with them in the car for five minutes. Just today, I had the blessed experience of taking my youngest two to the store. It should have been a quick, in and out trip. But,

Maren was so upset about the cart situation that we had to leave three times. Annie wanted to play the stupid crane games and was trying to put pennies in while I was dealing with Maren. We painfully, slowly proceeded to make our way through the store. With stops at the movie bin, the fabric and pet departments. I guess my kids don’t know me that well, but I have no business in the craft or pet departments.

They talked non-stop. I had to battle Maren to buckle up. I asked many times for them to load up in the van. We battled bed time and teeth brushing and hair brushing. They bugged me while I was having a meeting this morning, refused to get dressed and made some big messes. On days like these, I wonder why God didn’t give these wonderful children to a more patient woman. I had to hold myself back from screaming my head off more than a few times today.

When I was frustrated and felt the urge to scream, I was reminded of some other things that happened in the last 24 hours.

The girls got to come to a shower with me and hold a baby last night. Mike and Grant had a guys night out. I got my morning cuddle. I went looking for Maren and Annie and found them all cuddled up in bed together listening to the radio. Buddy was curled up in between them.

Annie caught a frog. She came running in exclaiming she thought it was a rock and then it jumped. She tried to build a habitat for it in the backyard but had to free it in the end.

Annie won a stuffed animal in the stupid claw games at the store. We didn’t put any money in. You would think she won the lottery.

Abby and Annie helped me do my birthday elf work. We blew up balloons, hung streamers and wrapped presents.

Jenna and Grant willingly went to bed early! Jenna did it so the birthday elf could come. Grant is growing so fast he’s always tired these days.

It seems that if I could focus on the wonderful, fabulous, precious moments of mommyhood that I wouldn’t miss for the world in those horribly frustrating moments, I might be able to bridge the gap. I don’t have to let a few battles and frustrations derail my day or week.

Just the fact that God allowed me to have these special little people in my life is more than I deserve. So at the store and at bedtime, I was able to be grateful and focus on those special times I want to remember forever. I had to be stern, but did not scream. I didn’t lose my patience and I’m glad because it was not a horrible day. Not at all.

The truth is that soon enough, there will be no one to go to the store with. My three older kids already have no interest in coming. Then I really will be in and out in 20 minutes. I won’t have to battle anyone over the kind of cart we get or the kind of paper plates we buy. And I think that will be pretty…miserable and lonely.

Read If You’re Lonely

2011-08-22T21:56:00.001-05:00

One of my daughters is a tomboy. She loves to play with boys. She hates to play with Barbies. Today fresh off a play date with one of her male friends, we had some friends over that were boys. She tapped me on the shoulder and whispered with a grin, “I have been playing with boys A LOT!”

While she loves the rough and tumble boy play, it often leaves her feeling lonely. She doesn’t fit in with the girls even though she sometimes wants to. She also doesn’t always fit in with the boys.

One day this winter she was really sad about that. I don’t really know where I came up with this but I told her; When you need a friend, be a friend. I encouraged her that when she feels lonely she should look for someone who needs a friend.

I struggle with feeling lonely at times. Which is silly since I don’t even get to go to the bathroom by myself. I sometimes feel down and like the world is passing me by. It’s easy to fall into self-pity.

Instead, I would like to invest my energies into looking around for someone that needs a friend. Or needs encouragement. And then instead of turning inward, reach out.

I think all women feel lonely and useless at times. It seems like a good way for Satan to attack us and our calling. Wouldn’t you rather fight back by passing on love and encouragement? I would.

Whether you feel lonely because you just had a baby or your baby just left or you are left with no baby. Whether you are down because you have a job or don’t have a job. If you have health or financial needs, prayerfully consider reaching out.

Pray for God to bring to mind another woman that could use a friend. Maybe someone that you wouldn’t normally think of socializing with. It could be someone way older than you. Or someone much younger. One of my girls made and delivered zucchini bread to one of the older widows in our church this week.

When I saw the woman on Sunday she told me how much she appreciated it because she really needed someone to talk to. She was worried Jenna didn’t have a chance to get a word in. However, if you know Jenna that usually isn’t a problem!

Offer a lunch date. Or a play date. Send a note. Have a baby shower. Make it more than a one time thing. Pour love and encouragement into their lives . The very love and encouragement you desire.

How does that work if we are already empty? Look to Jesus for the love and encouragement you need. As you give, your cup will run over. He’ll give you all you need and more.

Even though I walk
   through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
   for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
   they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
   in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
   my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
   all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
   forever.

Psalm 23:4-6

Don’t sit home sulking. That’s what I want to do most days. Let’s fight back with encouragement.

Kindergarten can be lonely. So can adulthood. Look for someone that needs a friend. And be there for them. It will make the world a better place. And you won’t feel lonely anymore.

Pie With Heart

2011-08-19T09:00:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I think I should get rid of all my cookbooks. You can Google any recipe you want on the internet. And I do that often. But one of the things I love about cooking from church cookbooks is making recipes of people I know. It’s fun to think of them when I cook and how their family must have enjoyed the recipe too.

I make a manicotti recipe that is one of our favorites. That one is from my friend’s mom. They lived in the house across the street from where my sister lives now. One night when we were having a sleepover the toilet overflowed in the middle of the night. And we didn’t know what to do but didn’t want to wake her parents. So I guess we used towels to clean it up. She probably would have rather us just wake her at 2 a.m.

Anyway, at this time of the year when people give away big bags of this stuff, it’s time to make pie.

I hadn’t made this recipe in a while and it brought back great memories of a different cook from our church, Helen. She is a great woman of faith. I remember her coming to Sunday school to tell us missionary stories. I don’t even know if she is still on this earth. But this is her pie.

I can just hear her say what it says in the recipe, “The pineapple is what gives this pie special flavor.” Isn’t that the truth. I should’ve made two!

Rhubarb, Apple & Pineapple Pie

2 crusts, frozen or made from scratch

1 c. sugar

3 T. flour

1/3 tsp. salt

1 c. peeled chopped tart apple

1 tsp. lemon juice

2 c. fresh or frozen rhubarb, cut up

1/2 c. drained canned crushed pineapple

1/4 c. honey

1 T. butter or margarine

Combine sugar, flour and salt in small mixing bowl. Place apple slices in large bowl and sprinkle with lemon juice. Add rhubarb and pineapple and toss with sugar mixture. Spoon into unbaked pie shell. Drizzle with honey and dot with butter. Moisten pastry overhang with water. Top with crust and slash vents or make a lattice top. Press edges together and flute. Place pie in a 450 degree oven and immediately reduce to 350 degrees. Bake 60-75 minutes or until center is bubbly and crust is brown.

Performance Driven Mommy

2011-08-18T09:00:00.000-05:00

Do you know a super mom? I think we all know someone who fits the description. She is easy to spot because she: looks great, has tons of energy, keeps a spotless house, has patience with her kids and volunteers tirelessly. She works full-time and still has time to socialize. She’s someone you wish you could be a little more like. Everyone applauds her for all the tasks she’s performed so well.

Reality in mothering looks nothing like the way I pictured it being. I thought I could do and be all those things if I just tried hard enough. And when I fail I feel like a loser. I can’t be just like the super moms I know because I’m just me. Just plain old lazy me. We want love and acceptance. The only way we know how to get it is by trying hard to perform.

There are lots of reasons women want to be super moms. Most of them are good reasons. We want to be the best we can be for our kids. Hey, we only get one shot at raising them! We want to help them learn and grow and be productive members of society. We want good relationships with them because family is important.

Maybe there are even Godly reasons. Doesn’t God want us to be the very best as a mom? To nurture our kids’ hearts toward Him?

Well, yes He does. But not necessarily by trying harder. If we just try hard and harder, we can miss the point and fall into performance driven motherhood where we end up running frantically after the idea of perfection. We think only about performing our tasks well so we will be deemed worthy by others of our “Mom” title.

I’m good and worthy of love if my house is clean.

And my kids are clean and well-dressed.

If I cook a nice meal. That’s edible.

If I spend lots of time with my kids. With no iPod in front of my face.

If I buy my kids the presents and goodies they want.

If I take my kids on outings.

If I am fit and beautiful.

It’s easy to make our worth dependent of our efforts. But they are not. God loves us no matter what. He created us just the way he wanted us to be. He loves me whether or not my house is messy.

Or my kids are still in their pajamas at…what time is it? Oh yes, 4:00 p.m.

Or if I make hot dogs for supper.

Or I’m still holding on to a few post-pregnancy pounds.

Maybe I don’t have the energy to sign up for every committee at my kids’ school.

Or at church. *gasp*

Maybe I spent time reading my book instead of being fully invested in my kids’ world.

But if our worth and love are dependent on our performance then we have a problem. Because God is love. God’s love is not defined by performance. He loves us no matter what. Messy or clean. Large or small. Happy or sad. Energetic or slothful. God loves us.

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

1 John 4:8-10

If we make our love and worth dependent on our performance we are undermining the faithfulness of God’s love. God says He loves us. Period. If we make it based on our performance then we make him a liar.

Now, does God want us to make good choices? Does He want us to work at being there for our kids and being healthy? I think so. But that’s never the basis for His love.

I hate feeling like a loser, misfit mom. I thought I would outgrow that but it keeps creeping back into my life and my mind. When I let those attitudes win, I’m not trusting Christ. I’m not trusting His love . I’m not trusting His promise that we are worth His very life. Not because of what we do, but because of who He made us to be.

The Help

2011-08-17T09:00:00.000-05:00

Mike and I snuck out to a late movie last night. One of the new found freedoms of having kids old enough to babysit! I wanted to see “The Help” but I didn’t think Mike would want to. He agreed. When we sat down in the theater surrounded by women, he muttered, “Oh great, I’m in a chick flick!”

But we both loved it. The previews showed a lot of the funny parts so I thought it was going to be more of a comedy. It’s actually a gripping tale of civil rights days in the south. At the end of the movie, no one got up to leave. We all just sat there as the credits rolled.

I wish I would have read the book first, but I had never heard of it. That happened to me with Eat, Pray, Love too. I guess I don’t keep up on pop culture very well!

There were a few things themes I was intrigued by. Mainly, courage. The women in the movie show great courage in the face of hatred. Throughout the movie, there are characters I wondered if might rise to the occasion. The mom did. She realized how wrong her actions had been and took a stand.

But there is another character that does not. I hoped through the whole movie that she would. She is obviously conflicted by what is going on. But in the end she does not have the courage to stand up to her friend.

So I had to wonder, do I have the courage to stand up for what’s right? Even when it’s dangerous or stupid? Even if no one else will stand with me? If it means losing money, or safety or social standing?

I certainly hope that I would be one that would risk everything for what’s right. But it’s easier said than done. It doesn’t feel as heroic in real life as it looks on the movie screen. I want my kids to have that kind of courage. There are situations in my life right now where I need that kind of courage. Maybe it never seems heroic at the time, just lonely.

The second thing that moved me was prejudice. We may not deal with outright racial prejudice, but it really made me wonder if there are people out there that I look down on. Or don’t treat as well because they are different. Or dirty. Or have bad jobs or run down houses.

Honestly, those attitudes come out of the same ugliness that racism does. And I do not want to be part of anything like that. Seeing the hurt and humanness of the maids in the movie made me think hard about where other people are at in life and how I treat them. Do I go out of my way to reach out to people on the outskirts of society or do I surround myself with people like me? What did Jesus do?

And finally, it seems like racism was over and done with along with beehives in the sixties. But I wonder if it is? I honestly don’t know. I am thrilled we have an African American President, but what about all the other minorities? Do they feel like racism is a thing of the past?

It’s definitely a movie worth paying the big bucks to see. If you’ve seen it, what did you think?

Neither

2011-08-16T19:59:00.002-05:00

I really didn’t have much planned for August. The first few months of summer got horrendously busy. The schedules and trips and visits and surgeries and weddings just made a life of their own. So my husband and I were desperately trying to keep August open. And we did a pretty good job.

The only thing on the calendar was Girl Scout camp with my daughter’s troop for a few days. Just after that, the opportunity came up for me to go on a missions trip to help with a Vacation Bible School.

I really wanted to go help. I have a tendency to enthusiastically jump into things without praying or checking with my husband. There are just so many things I want to do! Or at least there are a lot of things I want to be in control of.

I figured it would work out since we hadn’t planned anything for August, but wouldn’t you know it happened to fall on the same week as Girl Scout camp. Jenna desperately wanted to go on the missions trip. She had no problem skipping out on camp to go. I was encouraged by the fact that I really like hanging out with the other pastors and their wives that were involved in the trip.

I was quite sure God wanted me to go on the missions trip because really, why wouldn’t he? I thought I might try to get out of Girl Scout camp. As time went on it became more and more clear that I needed to fulfill my commitment to camp. I felt at peace about that. I love doing that kind of stuff with my daughter and her friends.

So it was decided, I was off to girl scout camp. They did end up rounding up enough help for the VBS trip which was a relief. I was able to help them get the materials together for VBS so I guess I helped in a small way.

Then two days before camp, I got the stomach flu. It was gross like the stomach flu is. I had it Thursday night, Friday, Saturday… My friend graciously went to Girl Scout camp for me because seriously, they have outhouses there. I owe her big time I guess.

So here I am at home. After all the wallowing and worrying, I had to miss out on both! What gives with that? It’s not like God couldn’t have helped me get better soon enough to go. Or had these things happen on different dates. So as much as I struggled with where I should serve him and where I should go, I maybe should have stopped to ask Him. Because His answer was different than mine.

He wanted me to stay home. I can’t argue with that. The answer was plain as day. It just doesn’t seem right. Why wouldn’t it work out for me to do these trips?

Both of those opportunities are good. They are great things to be involved in. But maybe not for me at this time. Maybe I needed to be home with my family. Maybe I needed to see that God’s work will go on without me. Maybe I need to learn to listen to Jesus. I might need to be at peace with the walls He puts up in my life.

How often do I stop to listen to Jesus? And when he clearly closes doors, can I be at peace with it? I think it’s less of my problem to try to decide what to do, and more of my concern what I do with what God has given me. And where He has put me.

Whether I am at camp or VBS or home with my family, God has a purpose and plan behind what happens. I need to stop and listen, embracing what He has for me. At this season in my life, more often than not it’s here at home. I think He certainly would bless me to serve in those other areas. Just not this time. And I’m ok with that.

Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.

Proverbs 19:21

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.

James 4:13-14

Sad Does Not Equal Mad

2011-07-25T09:25:00.000-05:00

I was reading some Bible verses studying another topic the other day and I came across this.

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31-32

It convicted me because I am the bitterness queen. And I can be pretty malicious and angry. Those attitudes have done a lot of damage in my life. A lot. They are relationship killers. I didn’t even realize how much bitterness had built up in my marriage over the years and how much that impacted the way I treated my husband and the way I related (or did not relate) to God. But it’s true.

So I wondered how I could really live that verse. Is it possible to get rid of those ugly attitudes? It doesn’t seem like it. Those words describe the way of the world we live in pretty well. What if I were only kind, compassionate and forgiving? Well, I’d never make it.

Our son was obsessed with Star Wars when he was little. He would run around saying, “spaceships” which meant star wars please! I haven’t had to watch Star Wars recently but I do remember this:

Fear leads to anger…

Who can argue with the wise Yoda? Feelings can create a domino effect. Women live with a lot of fear. Fear that they won’t be good enough, loved, valued. And fear leads to hurt, guilt and shame. For a long time, I was confused. I took my hurt and turned it into anger. I took my sad and confused it for mad. All of a sudden I was lashing out and angry and I wondered where on earth that came from.

It could be because anger is an easier emotion to deal with than sad and hurt. I am in control with anger but hurt? It’s just too hard. So I get mad to push back. And hold on to some control. I let bitterness take over to protect myself.

The problem is that hurt and sadness cannot be avoided. And there are things in this life we cannot control. This year as I’ve gone through times of hurt and sadness, I am learning to stop myself and think about what I really feel. Am I really mad? Or does it just hurt more than I want to admit.

When I let anger take over, it only makes things worse. I alienate myself from others. I become self-righteous and hard-hearted.

When I let myself be sad and hurt, it is easier to stay tender and reach out for help. It’s a humbling place to be. But humility is exactly where we meet Jesus Christ. It’s okay to be hurt. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be afraid. We can take those things to the Savior and be loved and protected and blessed instead.

It took me thirty some years and some hard times to start to figure this out. I desperately want to help my kids figure this stuff out sooner rather than later. I don’t want our family to teach them that we pretend everything is ok when it’s not. Or that it isn’t okay to be sad or hurt. And when they are hurt or sad or disappointed that doesn’t mean they smack their sibling or trash their room.

When we deal with our emotions, disappointments, hurt and sadness in the right way, it keeps us from becoming angry and bitter. That will ultimately put up walls between us and God.

So we truly can do what Ephesians 4:31 says. Get rid of the anger and malice and bitterness. There is no way to be loving to others and pleasing to God with that in our hearts. And the times I feel bitter and angry, I can take those straight to the cross. Jesus died for our pain and suffering. By His wounds we are healed. We don’t need to stay locked in the hurt and sadness we have.

When I allow myself to feel hurt and to turn Christ for help and healing I am taking a step closer to Him. Not only am I looking for hope in the right place, but I am keeping my heart from anger and bitterness and trading it in for kindness, compassion and forgiveness. Which is a wonderful place to be.

Surely he took up our pain
   and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
   stricken by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
   he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
   and by his wounds we are healed.

Isaiah 53:4-5

Summer Learning

2011-07-21T09:00:00.000-05:00

I want to teach my kids a lot of things. I just realized that summer is half over and we’ve done very little book stuff. I’m hopelessly disorganized and enjoy going to the beach way too much.

I hate to brag, however there is one area where I am clearly succeeding in my quest for learning.

They have great appreciation for ice cream.

And MnM’s. And cookie dough.

I can’t help but feel proud. Just don’t leave them laying around.

They’ve fine tuned the art of blizzard eating. If it melts, just guzzle it.

Spoons are optional.

Don’t waste a drop!

Summer learning at its best.

Tough Days

2011-07-20T09:36:00.000-05:00

Blankie washing days are tough around here.

Even on a sunny day it takes too long.

So long that they must take matters into their own hands.

Good thing we don’t wash them too often!

Celebrate the Small Stuff

2011-07-19T09:24:00.002-05:00

I love special events. Events we go to and everyone is bathed and dressed nice. Or at least nicer than normal. Which doesn’t take much.

Last weekend my cousin got married. We made of weekend of it with my parents and my sister’s family. Maren was one of the flower girls. It was a big day. Lots of fun. Lots of friends and relatives I don’t see very often. I love big days.

But the big, special days are few and far between. If I only live for the big stuff, the every day will get pretty boring. I will become pretty cranky.

As I get older and further along in my parenting I am realizing that I love the small stuff too. There are so many more of those every day moments that are precious; walking back from the fireworks carrying little people in pajamas who have their arms wrapped around my neck, getting sunburned at the fourth of July parade every year, floating down the lazy river with a preschooler on my lap and her arms around my neck, being the one they cry for when they have a nightmare, helping mend scraped knees and stop bloody noses, being there when they have bad days and good days, and when my nursing babies stopped crying the minute they heard my voice. That’s the good stuff.

I watched my aunt and cousin get teary as they started taking pictures at the wedding and it made me realize that the small stuff gives texture to the big, special stuff. I’m guessing they weren’t teary over just that day, but a lifetime of small stuff that led to it.

If I’m disconnected as a mom in the small things, there won’t be much of a connection in the big things. Sometimes when I am making my twentieth trip up the stairs at a waterpark, I wish I was reading a book or in the room doing my own thing. I don’t always want to be engaged. It would be nicer to stay home from scorching parades and baseball games. But what could I be doing that would be better than the small stuff?

Hours spent in the backyard, red-neck water park.

Morning cuddles. Now.

And then.

After bath snuggles.

Hot baseball games.

Birthday parties.

Ice cream cones in the backyard.

Celebrating the small stuff everyday is one of the keys to contentment in mothering. You don’t get those moments back. Be there and enjoy them. They give texture and richness to the big stuff. And life.

Stinky

2011-06-23T22:08:00.003-05:00

It was a stinky night around here. It’s been raining for four days and one of our dogs got too close to a skunk. I don’t think anything smells worse than skunk except maybe wet skunky dog.

This is one of the reasons I didn’t want a dog. They smell. And living where we do I knew it was only a matter of time.

When we first got our dogs I was super hyper about bathing them and cleaning the kennel every week. I didn’t want my house to smell like dog. But I learned that even a clean, wet dog, still smells like wet dog. So I backed off that a little.

So the skunk tangle set off a domino effect cleaning tonight. It’s VBS week and I’ve been wrangling 25 preschoolers every day so I hadn’t planned on doing much but the bare minimum tonight. Or all week really.

But once we had the Pet Jet out I figured we may as well give both the dogs a bath as long as we already have the mess right?

So the dogs got bathed, kennel got cleaned out, and puppy blankets got washed. While I was cleaning out the kennel I stepped in dog poop. And I was barefoot. So I cleaned up the yard. Then I washed my feet in the tub which was already dirty from dog baths.

Which led to me cleaning the bathroom. Which totally needed to be done anyway. I washed the floor and lit a bunch of candles. I did all the dishes and cleaned the stove top. Even under the burners (are you proud mom?) and the sink.

Now I’m sitting here in my Lysol fresh house with some nice candles burning wondering what’s so bad about a little stink?

I’ve had a lot of stink in my life from time to time. The kind that doesn’t come from living in a house with five kids and two dogs. I mean emotional and spiritual stink. It's only a matter of time. Everyone gets sprayed at some point. The question is what are you going to do about it?

Dealing with the stink is no fun. But God gives us an opportunity for redemption. Why not take the opportunity to clean house? Why not look at it as as a chance to deal with my stuff. Maybe offer a little forgiveness, grow in humility, take out the trash, or clean under the burners of your heart. There is peace in washing away the stink of life.

If I just wallow in it, everything will stink pretty soon. So let the dominoes fall to redemption. Use the stink for good. Maybe I’ll clean up a few more things in my heart while I’m already down there scrubbing.

In the end when I have a clean slate and a heart that’s right with God, I’m kind of thankful for the stink. And for candles. And Lysol. And God’s grace and forgiveness. There’s no peace without that.

Do Pillow Pets Go To Heaven?

2011-06-15T11:22:00.001-05:00

When our first daughter got her tonsils out I told her we’d buy her a pillow pet for the surgery and recovery. I didn’t know that all the girls would end up getting their tonsils out and I’d have to fork over the money for many more pillow pets.

Of all the girls, Maren loves hers most. Along with her two blankies. She carries them everywhere, sleeps with them, cuddles with them, eats with them. On the day of her surgery they put her pillow pet right in the wagon they use to take the kids back to the operating room.

The other night while I was cooking supper she came out carrying her precious comfort items and asked me if she could take her pillow pet and blankies to heaven. What’s a mom to do? I don’t want to freak her out but I am pretty sure that telling the truth is the right thing to do. I’m more than pretty sure, I’m totally sure.

I told her that in heaven we’ll have all we need or want in Jesus. She didn’t really like that answer. She stomped her foot and said she wasn’t going to listen to me. I think we came to some type of understanding towards the end of the evening when I told her God loves and will take care of us. Maybe she’ll have a real penguin in heaven to cuddle with instead of just a stuffed one.

It’s so hard to explain things like that to a four year old and it’s not just because they are kids. It’s because I can’t fathom heaven. And I think I have a twisted view of heaven and the ultimate meaning of our walk with Jesus.

Do I want to be saved and love God because I don’t want to go to hell? Or because I want comfort? Or because I want to see my deceased relatives and friends again? So I love him and serve him maybe with some ulterior motives. Maybe like if you scratch my back I’ll scratch yours.

That’s why we hold on to our pathetic things that give us comfort here. We hold on to our material possessions, our travels, our athletic conquests and our career successes because we can’t really believe that what God has for us is that good. We can’t let go of the good we have here.

I learned a lot about streets of gold and mansions growing up in church which I think has led me to believe that heaven is going to be the ultimate in self indulgence. So I better be good and go to church to make sure I get that chance.

What has changed in my faith since then is the realization that Jesus Christ is the prize. It doesn’t matter at all to me what is in heaven or what I have to leave behind here as long as I am with him. He is more amazing and wonderful than any of the meaningless little things I cling to. Or the things that are meaningful. He is still more amazing that that. So it’s not about what’s there or isn’t there, it’s about WHO’s there.

I don’t love him and serve him just so I can get to heaven, I love him and serve Him because He is worthy. He is the Son of God, the giver of all good things. Full of mercy and compassion and grace. I don’t just want the things that He offers, I want Him.

When He opened my eyes to that, my views on the things of this world changed. I don’t really expect my four year old to understand all that. But I hope that through what I am learning I can teach them that Jesus is it. He is all we need. Both with my words and my actions.

There are things that are infinitely more important than chasing after and holding onto the things of this world. And I know this; I trust in a God that is loving and merciful. He cares for our needs like a mother cares for a baby.

It’s a hard stand to take as a parent or a person. People will not understand the way your live or the decisions you make. They may look down on you or ridicule you. That is the cost of following Jesus. We do not live as the world lives.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2

So, I don’t know if there are pillow pets or blankies in heaven, but if there aren’t, I have a feeling we won’t miss them at all.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:3-4

Dear Dr. ENT,

2011-06-06T21:22:00.001-05:00

I think you are a great doctor. I wouldn’t let just any yahoo put my kids under the knife to be sure. Our frequent visits have practically put us on a first name basis.

I hope you really enjoy the fruits of your labor.

Maybe after the first tonsillectomy you got yourself a nice new car.

(Google Images)

And the second one may have sent you on a tropical dream vacation.

(Google Images)

The third one may have paid your child’s college tuition.

(google images)

Now with the fourth one, I hope you can find a nice place to retire. Maybe on a golf course.

(google images)

You totally deserve it. We are glad all of our girls are tonsil free and we won’t have to battle the strep monster again next year. We are thankful for your services.

But since we are so chummy now, could you do me a favor? Would you let me scrub the toilets in your retirement house when it comes time for me to buy four wedding dresses?

(google images)

Thanks. I knew I could count on you.

Sincerely,

Michelle

P.S. See you on Friday.

Going the Distance ~ Part Two

2011-06-03T21:34:00.002-05:00

I’ve heard it said the the years go fast but the days go slow in parenting. Today is one of those days. Dealing with my four year old today has been a challenge. A test of my patience. It’s only fourteen more years right?

Well, no doubt those years will fly by. There is also no doubt in my mind that I am in this for the long haul and ready to go the distance. But between dealing with a demanding preschooler, an energetic kindergartner, and the tweens that are testing limits and fighting it’s easy to feel like there is not much hope in this job.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it or if maybe I could just kind of check out emotionally for the next ten years. But I know that’s not the answer. Even if I’m there physically, it doesn’t necessarily mean I’ve gone the distance.

We’ve been living here for 13 years. Although it’s not that long in some respects, we’ve also been in this long enough that we are attending weddings of kids we have known since grade school.

Last weekend we went to two such weddings. I love weddings. I especially love weddings of people we know well. The place God has brought these girls is amazing. They were radiantly happy and glowingly beautiful. Their ceremonies reflected their relationship with Jesus. It was a pure joy to be there to celebrate with them.

These brides are girls that we have known for a long time. We have seen them experience ups and downs, bumps and bruises through the years. We saw their relationship with their parents struggle and falter at times. But it all seemed to come full circle when they walked down the aisle on their father’s arms. Secure and in love. With their siblings around them beaming with happiness.

In one family in particular, I think it’s because they have parents that did not quit. They remained faithful to loving their girl. They were in it for the long haul, committed to go the distance no matter what. They prayed, cried, encouraged, exhorted, sometimes threw up their hands but they didn’t give up.

Those days gave me great hope in my job as a mom. I know I have to go the distance because if I don’t, who will? Seeing it come full circle was a great encouragement to me. Something that will help me through the hard times, the boring times, the stressful times.

God is referred to as our Heavenly Father. He went the ultimate distance by sacrificing his son for our sins. He is faithful. As a mom I cannot be perfect. But I hope the ability Jesus gives me to go the distance as a mom will be a reflection of God’s unfailing love for my kids as it obviously has been for these young brides.

I hope that someday as my daughters are walking down the aisle on the arm of their father it will come full circle for us too. We’ll have gone the distance and a new journey in parenting will begin.

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:23-25

Overboard

2011-06-02T16:27:00.001-05:00

I was just reading an article that was complaining about all the ceremonies and parties we have for kids. Preschool graduations, 6th grade graduations, first day of school, last day of school, first loose tooth, first bloody nose and first hangnail.

I mean I get the point. Maybe we do go a little overboard. Who needs all these ceremonies and special nights? Isn’t it just a little ridiculous?

Is marching in to Pomp and Circumstance at the age of six a little much?

Or does singing cute songs for a crowd of enamored parents and grandparents seem like a waste of time?

Doesn’t it seem like a nuisance to have your kindergartener come into your bed at 5:15 a.m. just because she is so excited about her graduation? Or a little frivolous for a six year old to wonder how she will get down the stairs in her high heels?

Don’t the principal and superintendent have better things to do that to sit through a kindergarten program?

Maybe the author of the article doesn’t have kids or has a heart of stone. But I feel I need to say after reading the whole article that I wholeheartedly, absolutely, couldn’t …….

disagree more.

Who needs all these rights of passage? I do, that’s who. These kids learned to read, tell time, do sign language and tons of other stuff. How can that not merit a little pomp and circumstance?

There is nothing cuter or more delightful than a kindergarten graduation. And a sixth grade graduation. And a preschool graduation. And maybe even a little cake for a first hang nail.

Going the Distance

2011-06-02T09:34:00.001-05:00

I had a really bad run last week. Really bad. Everything hurt. I couldn’t hit my stride. My legs just didn’t work. It was miserable.

I’ve been at this training for three months. I keep thinking I should get to the point where it feels great. But my legs do not agree.

When I got home I was cold and sore. I sulked about it. I limped all day. I wondered why on earth am I doing this? Running stinks. Getting up early stinks. I was ready to throw in the towel.

My weekend long run loomed in the distance. I ended up being sick and missing the opportunity to go with my friend. I didn’t want to go. I figured I couldn’t make it. I was ready to give up before I even started.

I hate giving up. But it is so easy to give up when things are hard. We don’t like it and it doesn’t feel good so we walk away. We limp. We sulk. I sometimes get angry and pretend that I don’t care.

But I do care. I can’t run away or quit most of the challenges I face in life. I think I am so conditioned in the bubble gum gospel that things should go great, be fun, be plentiful, be rosy that when things are hard or frustrating or hurtful I figure it’s not right.

There are some parts of my life right now that are challenging me. It’s a kind of hurt that is new to me. I don’t like it. And I don’t know if I have what it takes to go the distance. I want to run away. Or quit. Or pretend I don’t care.

But do you know what I’ve discovered? There is something worse than feeling like you can’t do something. That is not even trying. That is worse.

It feels way worse to give up and stay in bed instead of going for a run than even the most miserable, painful run. Even in the pain, at least in the end, you know you did it. You went for it. Even if you didn’t achieve all you hoped, you achieved way more than sitting on the couch.

So Sunday after church, I got my shoes on and went. The first mile was tough but after that it was fine. I did all ten miles. It wasn’t super fast. It wasn’t pretty. But I did it. That is the longest I have ever gone. Imagine what a bummer it would have been to miss that.

I’ve heard it said that successful people don’t always succeed, they just never quit. They lace their shoes back up and hit the trail. They get back out there.

That is how you go the distance. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Now if I don’t run the race I’m training for the world will not end. The true test for going the distance is the things God has put into our lives that we need to deal with; marriage, parenting, work, family, church. Things can get ugly. Things can get hard. Things can get messy.

The thing is, I know I will be filled with regret if I give up. Sunday’s run reinvigorated me to go the distance in the parts of my life outside running. The more important parts. Why? Because God asks us to. There is a lot of talk about suffering, perseverance, hope and finishing the race in the bible. If I give up, it seems like I am ultimately not trusting Christ with what He has put into my life. So I’ll keep loving, giving, sharing, helping, encouraging and forgiving until God moves me on.

Don’t sit this one out even if it’s hard. Everyone fails. Everyone falls. But through God’s grace we can get up again and get back on the trail. I was so encourage by reading Isaiah and Revelation today. It gives me hope in the things to come. God’s glory being revealed to all nations. A day when God himself will wipe the tears from our eyes.

That’s the prize that we are going the distance for. God’s fame and renown. And our joy and comfort.

Don’t give up. Go the distance. I’ll limp along with you.

“And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.’” Revelation 21:3-4

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Peter 1:5-8

Milestones

2011-06-01T21:54:00.001-05:00

We celebrated a milestone last night. Our oldest graduated from 6th grade. They really do 6th grade graduation up big here. Pomp and circumstance. Speeches. Musical selections. Professional pictures. Slide shows. It was a fun night.

The kids in this class are growing up and it’s amazing to see their talents and personalities shine.

There are so many great things about my boy. I must admit I’m a little worried all those thing are going to fly out the door when he gets to junior high.

Like letting me take his picture.

I know there will be tough times through the next six years, until the next graduation. But I don’t feel doomed. He still cuddles with his little sister and isn’t embarrassed to see me at school. Plus, I found this in his 6th Grade Sketch Book.

Ignore the “Smile Die” part. I did.

The instructions at the top of the page are to draw your favorite place.

It looks familiar.

If things get rough, I’ll just sleep with that drawing under my pillow. I think we are going to be just fine.

Just Another Day at the Office

2011-05-13T16:43:00.001-05:00

I went biking instead of running this morning. My running partner is hurt so we are cross training. We saw some wild tulips. Is there such a thing? There must be because I saw them with my own eyes. Some dogs chased me. I didn’t bring my pepper spray because I thought I could outrun anything on my bike. I had to scream instead. That worked out ok.

I brought forgotten homework to class for someone who shall remain nameless. I insisted Maren get dressed for the occasion even though I still had my exercise clothes on. Within thirty seconds of getting home she had her pajamas back on.

We had the portable crib out yesterday while I was watching a friend’s little girl. Maren spent all day in it. In her pajamas.

With Buddy. He didn’t seem to mind too much. She even ate her lunch in there.

Who needs dolls when you have a little dog?

Imagine if I had told her she had to stay in there all day. That wouldn’t have gone over so well.

I picked Jenna up from school early since they thought she had pink eye. Fortunately my friend was here visiting so I didn’t have to get Maren out of her pajamas again!

We bought some vintage Polly Pockets at the thrift store for fifty cents. I didn’t know that’s what they were. When Abby told me there was a “PP” on the bottom it clicked. I do remember my cousins getting those cute little houses for Christmas. If I may be so bold, Polly has gotten a little hoochy since her early days.

Anyway, I made the mistake of letting Abby look for the pieces on ebay. Those came today in the mail. She is an ebay addict now. Is there a twelve step program for that?

It was a double crock pot night. I made my famous honey buns because I was pretty sure no one would like what was in the crockpots very much. I accidentally put baking soda in instead of baking powder. I had no eggs so I put in a little oil. They came out looking like shriveled up potatoes. Everyone needed a big snack before bed.

Annie had her first baseball practice. She is very excited about that. She needs Gatorade before her next practice though. She wanted to stop and get some at the bar but I thought we could wait until I could get to the grocery store.

I even found Jenna’s old baseball pants and cleats for her in the storage room. That was a feat in itself. Someday I’ll organize it.

Abby and Maren and I played on the park during practice. I think it’s pretty good that was only my third trip to school for the day.

I’m going on a field trip with the third grade tomorrow. I’m doing it for my daughter. It seems there are lots of things I’d rather do for my daughter than ride a bus for an hour with a bunch of 9 year olds. Like buy Polly Pockets on ebay or shave my head or jump out of an airplane.

Updated to say: Or get pink eye and stay home to take the other pink eyes to the doctor only to find out I have strep again and Mare has an ear infection.

It’s just another day at the office.

A River Runs Through It

2011-05-10T07:17:00.000-05:00

We have a new-ish tradition of going to a park and cooking over a fire for Mother’s day with whoever wants to come. The bathroom facilities leave a lot to be desired. BYOTP: Bring Your Own Toilet Paper. But the scenery and adventure makes it all worth it.

There are lots of rocks, sticks and mud to play with in the river.

It was fun pouring handfuls of dirt into the water.

And throwing sticks

Playing Games

Roasting Marshmallows

Eating S’mores

It was loads of fun. Especially since I didn’t have to use the bathroom once!

Rising Above, Part 3

2011-05-09T16:57:00.001-05:00

I consumed caffeine this weekend for the first time in a few months and that may explain why my brain went into overdrive the last few nights. I ran a little race and rewarded myself with lots of Diet Coke. It served me well though because I was up with a sick little girl a lot last night and had some time to think.

Things have been a little…tense… between my husband and I. I’ve been short with him, easily irritated and annoyed. Last week I found myself wondering what was up with that.

When I thought about it, I realized that it came from something that I had asked him to take care of. It’s not a big thing but it is important. I’ve been waiting for a few months and this week I finally saw that the reason things have been tense. It’s because I am angry. It’s something we agreed we needed to do months ago and I got more and more ticked with each passing week it didn’t happen.

My husband is a take action guy. He gets things done. He does a lot to keep the house and car running. He helps with the kids and the cleaning. It’s not like he regularly shirks responsibilities. I’m sure there are plenty of things he’d like to see get done in my domain that frustrate the heck out of him too.

In reality this little task was not a big deal but I had let it become a sticking point for our relationship and family. We argued about it. I pouted over it.

Last night, God opened my eyes to the craziness of my attitude. We have been through a lot in our marriage. We have forgiven each other for lots and lots of things of way more consequence than this. But I was letting it rule our marriage.

I had a choice to rise above my feelings or to continue to go down the destructive path I was going. One of the many things we have learned in the past year and a half is that we need to clean the slate regularly and not let old stuff go unsolved and turn into resentment. So I apologized for being such a jerk about this little insignificant thing. I admitted I was causing me to be angry and distant.

He accepted my apology and we came to an agreement about how to rectify the situation, which was taken care of this morning.

Why would I want to let anything come in the way of my relationship with my husband? There are some things going on right now that are difficult for us. Instead of being there for him, encouraging him and inspiring him, I was distancing myself. Sometimes it is easier for me to deal with difficulty by myself but that is not how God wants it to be in marriage. Maybe that’s a lesson He had for me in getting married.

In all this inspire and rise above talk of the past few days, I almost missed the opportunity to do that for the most important person in my life. I’m glad that God gave me a wake-up call. Even if the matter had not been settled to my liking, I was ready to let it go and give it up. Because through Christ, I can rise above the pettiness, the daily struggles, the big disappointments. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, I can rise above.

And I’m not drinking caffeine today, so I don’t think there will be a part 4. You’re welcome.

Rising Above, Part 2

2011-05-08T09:15:00.001-05:00

I just can’t stop! I was laying in bed last night thinking more about what I wrote and thought, “That’s it, there will have to be a part two.” I have issues.

Yesterday, my running partner and I ran a 10k. It was our first one ever but it’s really just part of the training for the half. Her foot has been bothering her. It had gotten worse all week. It’s possible she should not have run yesterday. We struggled through the first few miles then we decided I should just go on ahead.

I got to mile three and wondered why I was doing this. It was not fun. It was getting hot. My legs hurt. It’s also no fun to have no one to talk to so I started talking to random people along the way. When we got to the end I had been on the tail of two women for about a mile.

As I got closer I said to them, “I’ve been following you for a while, don’t let me beat you at the end. You look good!” It gave us a little chuckle and the energy to push through to the finish.

My friend Heather came in a ways behind me, one of the last ones. She had started talking to another woman that was struggling to finish, just coming off an injury. She encouraged her to finish. She said, “We can either walk this in 30 minutes or run it in 15.” So they ran it together, foot throbbing all the way.

After they crossed the finish line, the lady came up to her and said, “Thank you so much!”

In any situation in life, we can rise above. Even my tired and hurt friend was able to rise above and be an encouragement.

Not only in life as a mom, but in all of life, I want to choose to rise above. I don’t want to be a downer, complainer who only sees the negative. I want to inspire and encourage. With my kids and everyone else I come into contact with. Friends, strangers, or random people struggling through a 10k.

We can rise above through the power of the Holy Spirit. The best thing is that when we do we magnify Christ. We give Him glory for all he is doing in our life. I can’t be inspiring on my own because I struggle with being tired and frustrated and angry.

But Christ in me, I can rise above bringing Him glory. When you see another struggling mom, encourage and help. When someone at church is in a tough situation, pray and help. When the situation seems hopeless, share hope.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. I myself am convinced, my brothers and sisters, that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with knowledge and competent to instruct one another. Yet I have written you quite boldly on some points to remind you of them again, because of the grace God gave me to be a minister of Christ Jesus to the Gentiles. He gave me the priestly duty of proclaiming the gospel of God, so that the Gentiles might become an offering acceptable to God, sanctified by the Holy Spirit. Romans 12:13-16

Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you. 2 Corinthians 13:11

Life is much more joyful for me when I choose to rise above and encourage rather than let my circumstances sideline me. I just need to look to God to do that work in me more often.

Rising Above

2011-05-07T21:33:00.002-05:00

There are some days when being a mom is a glorious, fabulous, wonderful experience. A few weeks ago Annie had the day off from Kindergarten, but everyone else had school. I took her and Maren out on the town. We met some friends from ECFE at the Aquarium and then went to McDonald’s.

It was one of those days that was gold. No time pressures, no temper tantrums, no stress. My friends I’m sure had fun too, but they have little kids. They were pushing strollers, changing diapers, and chasing toddlers while I was sitting on a bench watching. I may have helped hold or feed a baby.

While we were the worst place on earth, the McD’s playground, I noticed a lot of other parents that were cranky and uninterested in their kids. They were not having fun. Neither were their kids.

I remember going to the aquarium as my first outing alone with all five kids. Five kids eight and under, double stroller, two in diapers and one nursing. I was exhausted and my body wasn’t fully recovered. It was scary and overwhelming trying to swing that one. If I had to go the bathroom everyone had to come in the handicap stall with me. I’m sure it was not a glorious day in many ways.

The cold, hard truth is that some days are great and full of joy. Some days are stressful and full of battles and drudgery. Some days you are up to your eye balls in spit up and diapers. Some days you enjoy a sunny day at the park. Most days there is more stinky laundry than an average NFL team could produce. But one thing I know is that the the days, good or bad go fast. Lightning fast.

I’m not sure how I went from the mom with all the little kids to the one sitting on the bench in the blink of an eye, but I did. And do you know what? I don’t want to let the messes and fighting and stress make me into a crabby and uninterested mom. I want nothing more than to be my best for them. Every day. Because you don’t get those days back.

Even though I have memories of being overwhelmed many times, especially when they were all little, those memories are also priceless. They were young and sweet and innocent and I’ll never get them back at that stage again. So I have to rise above my feelings and circumstances every day. Because once those days are over, they are gone for good.

On the days when I am crabby or wake up feeling like I want to throw in the towel, I can choose to rise above that. I know I want to do better for my kids. I can’t do it on my own because I’m crabby and tired a lot. And it makes me crabbier to know that I’m failing.

When I look at my kids, I know they need me. No, they need better than me. They need the love of Jesus Christ, through me.

That’s where it is imperative to tap into the power of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is God in us and through that he can give us the power to do things we could not do in our own humanness. And that’s a good thing because I cannot be very patient and thankful when someone starts puking at 3:00 a.m.

This is God’s promise to us.

“And I will ask the Father and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever – the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.” John 14:16-17

Here are some of the things the Spirit can produce in us.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23

Those are qualities I cannot achieve myself, they only come through Him. So let me encourage you on this Mother’s Day when we get all flowery and philosophical about motherhood, to find the courage to rise above through the power of the Holy Spirit.

There is great fruit to be gleaned by your children through that. For those with all their mothering days before them, pray for those things in your life. For those of us who feel like we’ve blown it a lot, there is forgiveness and pruning. If we trust in Him and not ourselves we can bring sweetness to our lives as moms.

I feel fortunate that in my life I have had the privilege of having many women encourage me to enjoy the years I have with my kids. So, from the mom on the bench, be encouraged to rise above the feelings of the day and mother to the fullest with the Spirit’s help.

Like it or not, you will become the Mom on the bench before you know it.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Making Much

2011-04-27T10:27:00.001-05:00

I spend a great deal of my time doing laundry. I mean a lot. A lot, a lot. If I did five loads a day I might have a prayer of staying on top of it.

I am a big fan of the clothesline because it shortens the task and saves money. Ok, truth be told, my husband is a big fan on the money part. It allows me to be outside. I can hang three loads at a time and they dry fast. And smell so good. Unless they are spreading manure in the field next to us.

The other day I was thinking I should not put so many loads up. It was nearing the end of the day. The sun was setting and it was getting cooler. I’m not that smart and am no scientist but in my little brain I was thinking there wouldn’t be enough sun to go around.

Which is, of course, completely stupid. I’m looking at it from the wrong point of view. The sun is way bigger than my little clothesline. It has all the power it needs to dry. It will not work better if I hang things out one garment at a time.

The sun is a giant, self-sustaining ball of fire that heats the whole earth. It is lots of miles away (again I’m not good with science). It’s crazy to judge the ability of the sun to dry clothes by the size and scope of my little clothesline.

How much do I do that with God? I make him small. I look at things from my limited little point of view. I wonder how He can take care of problems or where He is when those terrible things happen and reduce Him down to clothes line size.

When in reality He is outside of time. He is the creator and sustainer of life. How can I accomplish my desire to make much of God when I am viewing Him from my limited human mind.

I was just reading these verses for Bible study.

“Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?

Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance?

Who had understood the Spirit of the Lord, or instructed him as his counselor?

Whom did the Lord consult to enlighten him, and who taught him the right way?

Who was it that taught him knowledge or showed him the path of understanding?”

Isaiah 40:12-14

God is self-sustaining. He is all-knowing, all-powerful. He does not need me this lowly puny little human to wonder if He’s got it under control.

While Job is suffering the book goes on and on with Job and his friends pontificating on why all these terrible things happened. God eventually thunders back smashing all their great human wisdom to pieces.

“Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me if you understand. Who marked off it’s dimensions? Surely you know!” Job 38:4-5

“Have you ever entered the storehouses of the snow or seen the storehouses of hail, which I reserve for times of trouble, for days of war and battle? What is the way to the place where the lightning is dispersed, or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth?” Job 38:22-24

The next four chapters rail on like that. It’s obvious that we are foolish when we think we know better than God. But I still try. I still think it might help to only hang one shirt at a time to help him out. Or question His ability to be in control of a situation that seems out of control to me.

So I need to make much of God. How do I do that? By allowing His glory to produce humility in us. I want to make much of Him, not myself, not my circumstances.

My desire is to glorify Him in my life. I can do that by praising Him for who He is. The master of the universe. The creator of the world. The Savior of my soul.

When we make much of ourselves, we try to be our own god. That is just crazy. Surely there are things we do not know or understand.

Job seemed to get it after a four chapter smack-down. He responds by saying:

“I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.”

Job 42:2-4

See I told you I spend way too much time doing laundry.

No Shame

2011-04-26T20:35:00.001-05:00

My legs are sore. My friend who happens to be a Physical Therapist asked me if I was limping last week. I groaned and tried to walk less like an 80 year old.

There’s no shame in being sore from training for a race is there?

I got new shoes because they say that helps your legs not hurt. There is no shame in a new pair of shoes, that should go without saying.

There is no shame in athletic tape. I got some thanks to a tip from my physical therapist friend. It actually feels kind of cool and athletic.

There is no shame in spending a lot of time doing this. I could probably invest in classier ice packs though.

I limped around the store looking for this tonight.

There’s no shame in needing Ben Gay when you’re 35. Or smelling like toilet cleaner in order to walk without wincing. Is there?

Yeah, you’re right. There probably is.

Mothering Maren

2011-04-26T09:33:00.002-05:00

Four years ago my little Maren came screaming into my life. My baby. The last one. A fourth girl! What a miraculous and special and fabulous day.

Problem being, she didn’t stop screaming for the next two and a half years. I’m telling you I didn’t think we were going to make it some days. So much crying. Many temper tantrums. Lots of stubbornness.

She screamed every single time I strapped her into her car seat for a full year. She gave herself a mullet. And hence, she is my baby. The last one.

There have been a lot of tough times over the last few years. Life changing stuff. And I realized this week as I was battling some of my older daughters that there are peaks and valleys. There are times that are so wonderful and fabulous to be a mother. Then there are times that are heart wrenching and stressful and scary. I’ve learned that when things are hard, there is going to be an upswing.

The key for me seems to be to enjoy the peaks to the fullest and let them carry me through the valleys. I think they are meant to bring us closer in the end. There may be days when we don’t like each other very much, but I always love you very, very much. That’ll get us through the valleys.

Whether we are having fun or struggling, we bond. That’s my deepest desire as a mom is to grow closer and deeper with my kids. I can see that with the other girls. I can see it with Maren. And I would not trade it for the world.

We are on a peak right now. She and I get to spend our days alone together whooping it up. We go places, play and visit. We do laundry and cuddle up in bed together. She is a total delight.

I know she will turn into a school aged girl and then, Lord help me, a teenager. There are more valleys and peaks to come. Sometimes they come month to month, and sometimes they come minute to minute.

But every day, every joy, every challenge leads to relationship. It leads to sparkle and shine. And love.

So I’ll take it. All of it. Peaks and valleys. Good times and hard times. As long as I’m with my girl. My baby. My last one. My sparkle and shine.

Free scrapbook design made with Smilebox

Looking for Some Depth

2011-04-25T10:09:00.001-05:00

Easter week in a Pastor’s family can get a little crazy. Add two birthdays, training for a half marathon, and another round of strep and it’s, well, crazier.

We had a really great Easter. Church was super, Easter dinner included friends from church, games and an egg hunt. But something was missing for me.

Between cooking dinner, throwing birthday parties, helping at church my weekend got garbled. I was looking forward to some quiet time. A little depth. Time to spend reading and praying and celebrating Easter in my heart. I didn’t jog on Sunday morning to make sure that would happen.

Instead the kids were up at 6:15 and I was making breakfast and getting the house ready for company. All things I love to do. I spent quite a bit of time battling with the girls about wearing dresses and shoes and tights. All things I don’t love to do.

By the time I sat down in church I had nothing. I felt totally disconnected from rejoicing because of what Jesus had done instead of just the good things going on around me.

The songs were great, the extra instruments were great, the sermon was good, I just wasn’t prepared in my heart. Corporate worship is not a stand alone event.

It frustrates me to no end. I feel like I am always five steps behind. I am constantly dropping what I am doing to attend to the other things.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one.Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Luke 10:38-41

How do I as a Mom and wife juggle meeting the needs of my family with wanting some quiet time with the Lord? I don’t want to be Martha stressing over household things when Jesus himself is sitting in my living room.

But it’s hard! If I try to wake up early, the kids are up. If I try to worship late at night, I’m exhausted.

But truth be told I haven’t purposed to find the time this week. I let easter push Easter out of my heart. If I don’t every day, consistently take the time to pray and read the Bible and worship, it’s certainly not going to all of a sudden be there because it’s Easter and I have a skirt on.

So today, in the quietness of a day off, I’m having Easter. It’s 9:30 a.m. A little later than I’d like. I’d like to get on with my day. The kids have the day off school, the dogs are here, there are things to be done, but I’m purposing to spend time with Jesus. With depth.

I need to control the distractions and not let them control me. None of the “good” things I do are a replacement for time with him. That’s what he wants more than anything anyway. Not my busyness, preparations, or my juicy ham. Just my heart.

Every day with Him, in every day moments are the key to depth. I have to make that happen. He’ll supply the supernatural power and sacrifice and intimacy. I just have to supply myself. Michelle. Not Mom, wife, pastor’s wife, dog owner, runner. Just me.

And Jesus.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is his love for those who fear him;

as far as the east is from the west,

so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Psalm 103:11-12

Praise the Lord, O my soul.

O Lord my God, you are very great;

you are clothes with splendor and majesty.

He wraps himself in light as with a garment;

he stretches out the heavens like a tent.

Psalm 104:1-2

Spring Growth

2011-04-22T17:00:00.001-05:00

When I came home the other day I noticed something popping up in my planter. I’m not a green thumb at all so let’s hope I can keep this little gem alive and healthy all summer!

Curious

2011-04-22T11:01:00.001-05:00

There has been a lot of excitement around here leading up to someone turning six.

She is losing teeth.

Going to school. Learning to read. Growing tall.

She is always on the go. Right now, at this very moment, she is begging me to go look for bugs. Because she got this for her birthday.

It’s a bug vest and bug sucker. I saw some very cool bugs on the trail while I was jogging this morning so we are going to go do some investigating.

Every day she is busy. Wondering. Curious. We went to the aquarium and she brought her book of animals. As we pulled out the driveway she asked if we wanted her to read about; parrots or owls.

She wants to know how everything works, where everything goes, who everyone is and what everything does. It can become quite exhausting and frustrating some days. Some days I don’t want to answer questions. Many days I don’t even know the answers.

But I know one thing. This is part of growing up. This needing to know all about the world and life. It’s wonderful and sad all at the same time. All of our kids need to go through stages and discovery, some happy, some sad, some fun, some annoying.

I’m glad she is growing and learning and doing. I love her enthusiasm. She needs to go through this to grow into an adult. Which our ECFE person always reminds us: We are raising adults, not children. Or something like that.

The point being my girl is growing up. I can’t keep her a little baby. Nor would I want to.

Ok, maybe I want to just a little bit! Happy Birthday Annie! I hope you stay curious and wonder at life for many more years.

Glowing

2011-04-13T14:02:00.001-05:00

We never go visit my Grandparents without a trip to “Encore”. It’s a second hand clothing store that I love with all my heart! I always find lots of great things for the kids and Grandma always pays.

We bought the dresses that Annie and Maren wore to the Father Daughter Ball there.

That’s a goofy picture but look at how Maren is standing. She’s posing and glowing.

You get the idea.

It reminded me of when she tried on the dress when we got home from the store. She flitted in to show my Grandpa and he gushed over how beautiful she looked and what a sweetheart she is. You should know that my Grandpa is 94 years old and can hardly see.

But that didn’t matter to Maren. She was absolutely soaking in the love. Her eyes were shining, she was smiling and glowing. Kind of like this:

I couldn’t help but wonder when the last time any woman over the age of 15 felt like that. I mean it’s hard to feel so special and loved and doted on that we glow. I think most of us are just trying to survive through the day.

Just how Maren felt in the presence of her great-grandpa is exactly how we can feel every day. We can have that every single time we are in the presence of our heavenly Father.

“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!”

1 John 3:1

We are loved beyond measure, worth great sacrifice, bought at a price. It’s not based on how we look in our ball gown but who He created us to be. We have constant access to him through his word, the Bible and the Holy Spirit.

Even if you don’t have red sparkly dancing shoes, don’t miss the chance to spend some time each day relishing in and glowing from the love of the savior.

“I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.

Jeremiah 31:3

“Be imitators of God, therefore as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”

Ephesians 5:1-2

“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,”

Ephesians 3:17-18

“This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.”

1 John 4:10

Sure Signs of Spring

2011-04-12T20:50:00.001-05:00

We live in a place where winter lasts way too long so we really know how to appreciate the first spring days. Here are some signs of spring:

Laundry on the line, waking up early to jog and thinking it’s a great idea, picnics, being too busy to blog, dirty feet and ...

Happy Spring!

Secrets to Being Rich

2011-03-30T14:24:00.001-05:00

I have a secret ambition to be rich.

Sometimes I think “If I were just really wealthy, then I could give”. I would give to orphans, missionaries, churches, non-profits and random people in need. Wouldn’t it be fun to be able to be a secret millionaire? I would love to swoop in and give someone their dream.

But I’m a stay at home mom that is married to a pastor. The cash is not flowing in rapidly. What is coming is mainly being signed straight over to the grocery story these days. Sometimes I let myself use the excuse that I can’t give or be generous because I don’t have a lot.

This week I was reminded of how to be generous and in turn, rich. We took a drive across the state to visit my Grandparents. They are 90 and 94 years old and still live in their home. My Grandpa is a World War II veteran and then he farmed. They haven’t exactly lived the Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. Yet they are some of the most generous people I know.

We grew up loving Christmas. They start Christmas shopping in January. We loved to spend our summers on the farm, too. They always remember birthdays and anniversaries with cookies and cash.

They have entertained so many people in their little farmhouse. Even now they keep coming. My kids can’t figure out why we can’t move there. My kids, my nieces and nephews, my cousins, and many other adopted cousins have been blessed by the generosity of my Grandparents.

This is what generosity looks like. Giving with joy.

Giving homemade treasure chests.

Giving jewelry keepsakes.

Giving with thought.

As our family grows, they continue to give. They give of themselves too. That’s why people keep coming though the door.

Year after year.

And why kids says, “I don’t want to leave.” when it’s time to go. That’s what it’s like to end life rich. With love and relationships and giving and fun all around you. Maybe in amounts that are more than you can handle some days.

I don’t need to give a lot, I just need to give what I have. My time, my money, my possessions. It’s not about a fancy house or food or gifts, it’s the heart. Generosity lives there right next to love. If your heart is full of that and you give it to others, you will be rich.

I hope that I am as rich as they are someday.

Busily Bored

2011-03-25T22:48:00.001-05:00

I was kind of bored yesterday. Oh I have plenty to do. I have a house that is dirty and disorganized. I have loads and loads of laundry to do. I need to cook. There are a bazillion books I would like to read. I have school work stuff to work on with the kids. But yet I’m bored.

Yesterday should not have been boring. I got the kids off to school, cleaned up breakfast, logged four miles on the treadmill, went to visit an elderly friend, made basketball cupcakes for a team party, went to party, swam, ate and came home to do bedtime.

Today I did laundry, ran on the treadmill, went to Annie’s swimming party and had lunch with her class, went on a family walk, had the neighbors over to play and sent half the family off to their various activities.

Every day is full and busy. In fact, every week seems to spin out of control. I keep thinking next week I’ll … I have more on my plate and more demands on my time that I can possibly meet but still today I’m bored.

All of the things I have to do are task-oriented, busy work that takes no mental stamina. Laundry, unload dishwasher, reload dishwasher, fold clothes, put clothes away, clean toilets, make beds, make supper, give baths and fall into bed exhausted before doing it all again the next day.

There are new challenges coming at me in motherhood. I’m trying hard to be engaged with the kids. That part is not boring. There is nothing I want to do better than mother. But it’s hard to have enough energy for the important stuff when the boring stuff is slowly suffocating me. I might feel a little guilty about feeling that. Or a lot guilty.

Do you know what I mean? I’m so so glad God has blessed me with my husband and kids. It’s amazing. There is nothing I’d rather be doing than be here for and with them. I’m thankful for a great church body and great friends and family.

But what about the mundane stuff that goes along with it all. How do I reconcile that? I’ve blogged a lot (ad nauseum?) about God’s calling. God has called me to motherhood and that takes a servant’s heart. I get that.

I don’t even think that having a job outside of the house would cure my boredom. That would just give me another list of tasks that I must accomplish.

No, I think the problem is deeper. Certainly these mundane, boring tasks are part of every day life. There’s no escaping that. It maybe that what I need to endure in this life includes those things. Maybe it is a type of suffering. A place where I can trust God more. Become more humble and so on and so forth.

But that isn’t all either. I couldn’t put my finger on it yesterday, but I think today I got a glimpse. We were created for eternity. Forever. When God created Adam and Eve in the Garden they were meant to go on and on until forever.

What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. Ecclesiastes 3:9-11

But sin came in and changed everything. The longing, the unmet needs, the frustration and boredom might be part of our deepest longing: to be at home with Jesus in Heaven. He put eternity in our hearts. But we cannot understand what God has done. We are still on this side of eternity.

We can find happiness and encouragement and joy in our efforts to some degree. But ultimately, we only find it in Jesus. And being reunited with Him forever.

But this week I seemed to forget that I have Him now too. He is with us. We are not lost or forgotten here in the work He has given us to do.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

Of course, I can find joy in serving my family in the mundane. I can take on challenges to keep growing. Mostly, though, I want to take these feelings of frustration, sorrow, boredom and look to Jesus. I can serve faithfully now. And yearn for Him and eternity.

It’s what we were made for.

Blind Spot

2011-03-12T10:06:00.002-06:00

Dear Abby,

Today is your ninth birthday. Lately I’ve wondered if I have a blind spot when it comes to my kids. Especially you, my “middle child”

I’ve been reminded that is a tough place to be. Mostly by you.

The middle child was a surprise. Jenna was 9 months old when we found out we were pregnant with you. Grant was still in diapers. It seemed a little overwhelming to think of adding another baby to our family.

But your birth saved me in some ways. Mike and I were in a much better spot when you were born. Things were difficult when we had Jenna and everything was new and scary with Grant. So even though it was busy and crazy with three kids under three, building a house and the rest of life you were a breath of fresh air. We enjoyed you to the fullest. I loved being up in the middle of the night feeding you. I realized that I loved being a mother.

You were almost born in our old pick up truck. We couldn’t get to the hospital fast enough. And when you literally flew into our lives, it was bliss.

For real. Another beautiful daughter. But you actually liked wearing the pink dresses I put on you. You nursed easily. We bonded right away. The nurses kept saying what a beautiful baby you were. I thought they probably say that about everyone. Until I saw you. Then I knew they were telling the truth.

Even though you never took a bottle, sometimes you even let Daddy feed you.

As you grow older sometimes you might feel trapped between Grant the only boy, Jenna the athlete and go-getter and the little girls. Maybe sometimes you feel squeezed.

So I’ve wondered if I have a blind spot? But guess what?

You will never, ever be in my blind spot. Just exactly your spot. The spot God intended for you to be. Right smack dab in the middle of the blessing of kids we have. That’s your place. The world wouldn’t be right without you there.

He made you with gifts and talents that are very different from your sister. Maybe some of them are not as noticeable to people at the age you are. Already 9.

But I see them. Those things are never in my blind spot. You are nurturing and fun-loving. You are helpful and kind. You have an easy way of helping kids and working around the house with me. You are a little shy but I don’t mind. I kind of like that you don’t want to spend the night away from us.

Last summer we helped one of the older ladies from our church with her garage sale. You stayed and helped with Dad all day. And came home with some lovely knick knacks.

Be assured that you, my middle child, will never be off my radar. You are in exactly the right place. The bright and sunny gift that God gave us in a snowy march. A wonderful surprise. And we wouldn’t want it any other way.

Maybe I don’t always show you in the busyness of the weeks how incredibly special you are to us. That you will be in the light of my heart. In the spotlight. And I have enough spotlights for everyone. But sometimes when I look at a a group, my eyes naturally move right to the middle.

And you will never, ever be in my blind spot.

Happy Birthday!

I’m Not The Dog Person In This Family

2011-03-10T10:52:00.001-06:00

My husband and kids love dogs. I’m not the dog person. I never had a dog or even a pet growing up.

When we got our puppies I told the vet, “My husband is the dog person.” However, my husband has never taken the dogs to the vet. We are now close, personal friends.

I told everyone that they would have to pitch in and help with the dogs. They all want puppies but I am the one at home feeding, training and taking care of the puppies. And I am not the dog person in this family.

I’m also not that big of a fan of playing outside. I do it for my kids because they love it, but not for the dogs. Because I am not the dog person in this family.

I used to play tennis. But this isn’t what I had in mind. I don’t really like being cold. And I don’t have a good arm. And I am not the dog person in this family.

Yeah she missed the memo.

I am not…

the dog person…

in this family.

(Apparently I had a smudge on my camera. I am also not the photography expert in this family.)

Just Two Miles

2011-03-07T13:45:00.001-06:00

I’m sitting on the couch watching “Turner and Hooch” with Jenna. She’s eating a popsicle and recovering from her tonsillectomy this morning. She is certainly her mother’s daughter. Having her throat cut open and stitched shut has not stopped her from talking a blue streak!

I have to apologize because here begins the “how running applies to life” posts. I’ll try to hold them to a minimum but I can make no guarantees.

Life is overwhelming. At times it can feel impossible to go on. Just this weekend I talked to many people who were overwhelmed with situations in their lives. Almost to the point of despair. I’ve been there. I’ve been overwhelmed by life stuff that had serious implications. And I’ve been overwhelmed by joyful stuff too.

When I was pregnant for the first time, I remember having moments of panic thinking about all it would take to raise a child. Thousands of dollars. Wisdom, time patience. Should we send the baby to preschool? How are we going to pay for college? How are we going to handle teenage rebellion?

And when I was pregnant the second time, I remember having moments of panic. How was I going to take care of two kids? How would we afford it? What if they hate each other?

And when I was pregnant the third time, I remember having moments of panic when I wasn’t busy chasing around a 2 year old and 10 month old and was awake enough to put together a coherent thought. How was I going to handle three? We were going to be totally outnumbered!

The moments of panic keep coming. Stuff comes at us in life that is so overwhelming it feels like there is no way we’ll be able to get through it. Lost jobs, lost children, being forced to give up children, financial ruin and lives rocked by divorce are beyond overwhelming. A colicky baby or strong willed two year old can be enough to put you over the edge. So what to do?

I recently had another moment of panic when I got into the half marathon. I cannot run thirteen miles. No way. But I printed out the training log, and guess what I had to do on day one? Run two miles. Two measly miles.

And guess what I had to do on day two? Run two miles. It said it didn’t even matter if you couldn’t run the whole way… just keep moving. And a light clicked on in my heart. I can’t worry about things months and years in the future. I can only do what God has put in front of me today.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:33-34

In those moments of panic and when you feel overwhelmed, just run two miles. Love Jesus. Take care of the baby. Feed the baby. Love the baby. Pray for wisdom. Pray for patience. Every day you will get stronger and add more miles. Pretty soon you’ll be able to go the distance. You’ll cross the finish line.

Just run two miles. Speaking of which, the treadmill is calling my name!

I Didn’t Want to Win the Lottery

2011-02-28T09:35:00.001-06:00

I have a running partner that is ten years younger and ten times more motivated than I am. She makes me do things I don’t want to do. Like running a 5K on thanksgiving morning, running at 6 a.m., or running at all for that matter.

But running is good for me. It’s good for my body and my attitude so I press on. Begrudgingly. I even bought a treadmill. I love the idea of having a treadmill. I love how the treadmill looks in my basement next to the exercise ball I never use. I love my new running pants. I love talking about “hitting the treadmill”. I just don’t love running on it. I would rather stay in bed or watch T.V. while eating a gallon of ice cream. With hot fudge. And M & M’s.

This year she suggested we sign up for a half marathon. In case you don’t know that’s 13 miles. By foot. Which is totally crazy. This half marathon is so popular you enter a lottery. Yes, you must hope for a chance to torture yourself and pay an entry fee.

I entered and hoped I wouldn’t get chosen. My husband rolled his eyes. Why would I enter a lottery I hoped not to win? Because if I wussed out and didn’t even enter I’d be a quitter. But if I entered and by some act of a merciful God didn’t get chosen? That’s the best of both worlds.

Plus, they don’t charge your credit card until you get chosen. So when I didn’t win, I was going to take that money and buy a fabulous pair of boots. Really fabulous. And maybe a pair of black ~~skinny jeans~~ exercise pants.

(Google images)

I jest, I jest. I’m far too practical for that. But this? Oh yeah.

(Google images)

I got a fateful text last night. And checked my emails to confirm my fears. I won the lottery. Rats.

Good-bye boots. Good-bye ice cream.

Hello treadmill. Hello torture.

If you’re looking for me I’ll probably be hanging in the medical tent. Deliriously crying about my boots and the stinking lottery that I had the misfortune of winning.

What Mothering Teaches Me

2011-02-23T08:44:00.001-06:00

Usually I am concerned with what I teach in mothering. I want to teach my kids so many things. I want to teach them to read, to be kind, to be responsible and the list goes on and on. But there are times when it becomes obvious that mothering is teaching me.

Every other time in life when things were hard or hurtful or annoying I could walk. Quit. Pull out. Commitments to friends, jobs, activities, education, volunteer pursuits all could easily be dropped with little or no personal cost.

Isn’t that the way the world is? It is totally fine if it is too hard or too much of a personal sacrifice to get out. Many therapists will tell you that. Do what’s right and feels good to you.

Although being a mom is one of the toughest things I’ve ever done and every day there is a battle or challenge or difficulty, I know that I cannot walk away. I must persevere. No one else can or should do the work God has given me as a mom.

That floods to the front of my mind while I’ve been struggling to keep going in some other areas of my life. It’s hard and sometimes it hurts. I long to be able to pack it in and run away. And I could.

But as God continues to challenge my heart as a mom, He’s pushing me in other areas too. Why can I not stick with it? Because I feel hurt or sad or mad? Is it really all about me?

What about other people left in the wake of my retreat? What if God wants me to go through things that are less than pleasant? What if hard times send me searching through the bible for hope? Because it does and this is what I found.

Perseverance brings blessing.

Brothers and sisters, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy. James 5:10-11

Perseverance promises eternal life.

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

Perseverance is love.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Perseverance is the path to maturity.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

Perseverance glorifies God.

In this you greatly rejoice, through now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith – of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire – may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:6-7

When things are tough I get pretty self focused. I don’t think about how my actions might affect others or how they might affect God and his glory. It’s not about me, but Him.

So can I persevere? I must! Not just in mothering where I have to and want to, but in many things. Things that are painful. Things that are boring. Things that hurt.

Oh that my perseverance through the power of the Holy Spirit would result in the praise, glory and honor of Jesus Christ. Lord, make it so.

The Road Less Stressful

2011-02-18T21:31:00.001-06:00

Two paths diverged in Motherhood

and sadly I could not do it all.

I’m just one mom, and there I stood

Looking as far ahead as I could

down the path I thought I should trod

The footprints on that path are many

Offers of fun and activity was plenty

Then I carefully looked the other path over

it was overgrown and full of clover

It seemed rather quiet

and much less of a riot

There are things on the worn path

that seem so good and might be a blast

But life is moving way too fast

fighting and stress are the bitter aftermath

So I had to choose which way to go

I knew I may not ever come back this way

And one Sunday I knew we just had to choose slow

Offers and activities will come as they may

But sometimes I have to choose to just walk away

There are a lot of things that might be fun

But my audience to please is really just One

The joy of peace and quietness

leaves my family in much less of a mess

Choosing quiet nights and running less

Even if it’s just once in a while, it still can bless

I’ll tell this tale someday to come

when my mothering days are done.

Two roads diverged in motherhood, and I-

I took the one less stressful.

And that has made all the difference.

Poorly adapted from The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Isn’t It Great Being A Woman?

2011-02-13T20:36:00.001-06:00

When we are born, everyone squeals with glee: It’s a girl!! From the moment they put the pink hat on, we are the fashion envy of the world. Bows, hats, headbands, dresses, ruffles, shoes, the works! And life is good and sweet, drenched in pink.

We grow into little girls who are confident. Girls who don’t wonder if they can do anything, they KNOW they can. Life is full of possibilities.

Then we grow into puberty. We grow too fast. We are awkward. We doubt ourselves. We develop hips, get hair in weird places, zits appear and we get our first visit from Aunt Flo.

Our bodies panic. And so do we. And we grasp onto our Pamprin and Clearisil and wait for things to get better.

We become young adult women. We go off to college, start a career, fall in love. Just as we think those awkward years are behind us and we’ve finally got it together, we get pregnant. Our stomach triples in size. Along with other body parts. Heartburn hits after a glass of water or piece of gum. We spend every morning worshipping at the porcelain throne. We have to wear maternity clothes. Our careers take a back seat.

Our bodies panic. So do we. And we grasp our prenatal vitamins, tums and epidurals and wait for things to change.

Just when we think our bodies might actually get back to almost normal and our lives and careers might regulate, we hit middle age. We have an identity crisis. After we finally got used to being mommy, the kids don’t need us as much. Periods change, bladders and uterus’ fail. Hair turns gray. Acne rears its ugly head. Again. Really, gray hair and acne at THE SAME TIME?!

So our bodies panic. So do we. And we clutch our OB-Gyn’s hand and beg for help. We clutch our hair dresser’s hand and beg for color. We grasp our bladder control pills and prescription deodorant and pray for freedom.

I have heard when you are finally upon the golden years and an empty nest, menopause hits. According to the experts, this can last approximately five minutes to five hundred years. We have hot flashes, night sweats and periods as regular and predictable as a 13 year old. We think we’ve finally gone completely nuts.

Our bodies panic. And so do we. We clutch our estrogen and head for Florida.

And then we die.

Isn’t being a woman great!?

What God Gives, Part Three

2011-02-07T10:49:00.001-06:00

These lessons apply not just in Sunday school but in everything.

Because honestly I find it hard to be excited about a lot of things. The days and weeks can be drudgery. Repetitive. Nothing new. Except new piles of laundry. I wonder if I am wasting my life. Or if there are better things I could be doing.

Normally, I have a different attitude about being a mom. I am passionate about it and want to do a good job. It’s just that I get tired.

I have a semi-willing heart. What if I pray for God to give me passion and equip me to be a mom, a wife and a Sunday school teacher that can do His work? It seems like I’m always being asked to do lowly things. Homemaking, Sunday school, working in the nursery, helping the elderly and mothering kind of feels like the pits. Maybe going to your job day in and day out is sucking the life out of you. It just seems like there must be something bigger and more exciting out there.

But there is joy in doing what God has called us to. He can use us right where we are at. And if you are committed to teaching Sunday school or already have kids: God has called you to those posts. Just like Judy and Leona who have faithfully taught Sunday school over the years. Or all the moms who have been faithful to serve the needs of their families. The pathway to joy and greatness is through humility.

Desiring God just tweeted this John Piper quote: “To be humble is to be a servant. They are not the same. But humility leads to joyful readiness to do lowly service.”

God knows that I would never choose humility. I know it too. I’m just so prideful. But as He continually puts me in the position to serve, He’s growing that in me.

If I want true joy, it won’t come from chasing my dreams or what I think will make me happy. It will come from laying my dreams down at the foot of the cross and being willing. Willing to get up in the night with the baby. Willing to pack lunches in the morning. Willing to put your own needs on the back burner for your family. Willing to teach preschoolers one hour a week.

God gives the strength, the joy, the wisdom. Can I provide a willing heart?

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2

As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by humans but chosen by God and precious to him— you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 2:4-5